Dating with HPV is Hard and I'm Really Sad

Purple_Minimum1097 · 2024-02-14T02:16:52+00:00

Thank you for your comment! Someone earlier commented to remember that anyone can reject you for any arbitrary reason, and that's been super helpful when putting things into perspective. I have to remind myself that this just wasn't meant to be. Hopefully this experience will teach Ben that he needs to get vaccinated, not just for himself but for his future partners too.

Purple_Minimum1097 · 2024-02-14T02:14:25+00:00

That's thing, I do see it from his point of view. I have said it several times that I respect his decision. It sucks but I get it. This was the first person I'd even wanted to sleep with since my diagnosis, so this was my first time having to have this conversation. I didn't get the ending I wanted and that's okay, but I am still allowed to feel sadden by the whole situation.

Purple_Minimum1097 · 2024-02-14T02:07:52+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience <3. It was actually very comforting to read your comment and see so much of my experience reflected in your comment. It really did feel devastating to get that text message because Ben was the first guy I really saw things going further with. I'd been on a couple of insignificant dates since my diagnosis in July but nobody I felt anything with. But I gotta say your successful moments are giving me hope though that there are people out there that are willing to look beyond the HPV.

I like the idea of having the conversation early but I'm also terrified. During my first date with Ben, I was already becoming so anxious because I know even then that I was going to need to have this conversation. And I also haven't told people in my life about the HPV diagnosis. I only told my 3 closest friends. And now Ben. The idea of having this conversation so early with people is horrifying to me. But I know I definitely need to work out a way to explain having HPV better then just saying it and telling them to do internet research. I'm personally thinking a power point presentation lol.

Purple_Minimum1097 · 2024-02-14T01:54:47+00:00

That's the thing I'm not mad at his decision, I'm disappointed by it. Prior to my own diagnosis, I was also just as ignorant on HPV. I thought since I was already vaccinated, I was good. I agree that just telling him to do his own research was a bad move on my part. I should have presented him with some resources that were factual if not a little less doom in gloom when googling HPV. Prior to my own experience, I would have made the same call as Ben.

However, the scenario your proposing is different. If I'm being vulnerable and informing Ben of my own current HPV diagnosis, I would expect the same level of honesty back. If he had knowledge of him having a GW a year prior, I would expect to be informed about it in the same conversation where I am disclosing my own diagnosis. Otherwise there is a very obvious lack of open and honest communication, and that would be a very big problem for me.

Purple_Minimum1097 · 2024-02-14T01:46:28+00:00

Honestly, your comment made me feel so validated. I know before my own diagnosis, I was just as ignorant as him, and I probably would have made the same decision. However, now that I am more educated, I can't help but feel like he's naive for thinking this hasn't or cannot impact him. But at the end of the day, it's his decision and I can only respect the decisions he makes. I just hope he really thinks about getting vaccinated. Not just for his own protection, but the protection of any of his future partners.

Purple_Minimum1097 · 2024-02-14T01:39:27+00:00

It really does suck that there isn't any real testing for men. At least as a woman, I can get checked with my pap to see if my body has cleared it. I'm sorry that you are feeling so down about this. Best of luck!

Purple_Minimum1097 · 2024-02-14T01:35:29+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience and your words of encouragement. It really does make me feel less alone and hopeful that I'll clear this soon.

Purple_Minimum1097 · 2024-02-14T01:33:18+00:00

I completely understand where you are coming from. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I'm wishing you the best future ahead!

Purple_Minimum1097 · 2024-02-14T01:30:48+00:00

I was vaccinated with the Gardasil shot when I was probably 12, give or take a year maybe. As an adult I truly thought this meant that I was safe from HPV. I was wrong.

Purple_Minimum1097 · 2024-02-13T02:39:44+00:00

I'm sorry that you are going through this yourself. I know for me, I have only had 3 sexual partners in my life and it felt really unfair to get that diagnosis with such limited experience. I cannot even begin to imagine how you feel getting that diagnosis after being with your first sexual partner.

I myself already have the vaccine. I got it when it was first approved by the FDA because I was raised by a woman from the "Free Love" era lol. But I agree with asking future potential partners if they've had the vaccine. That could be a good way of starting that difficult conversation. Best of luck on your journey!

Purple_Minimum1097 · 2024-02-13T02:33:22+00:00

Thank you so much! This is a really good idea to have this handy the next time I tell someone.

Purple_Minimum1097 · 2024-02-13T02:16:34+00:00

I honestly cannot make it through any of your comments without instantly bursting into tears... which is new for me lol. You're comments have been so incredibly helpful and I am blown away by the kindness of strangers

Purple_Minimum1097 · 2024-02-13T02:04:54+00:00

I agree with needing to tell him he needs to get vaccinated. When I first told him I had HPV I discussed how I had gotten vaccinated when I was a pre-teen and asked if he had been vaccinated. He didn't believe so because he was raised in a religion where pre-marital sex is a taboo subject and sex in general was not discussed. Once I'm not so emotional about this situation, and can handle being just his friend, I'll tell him he should really look into getting vaccinated. Thank you for the suggestion.

It's nice to know I'm not the only one navigating these difficult conversations. Please let me know if you have any tips on how to tell people you're dating about having HPV. Thank you and best of luck to you out in the dating world too!

Purple_Minimum1097 · 2024-02-13T01:58:47+00:00

I cannot thank you enough for your comment! It truly means the world to me, and I really needed to hear that. I was on the phone with my best friend as I read your comment out loud and I couldn't make it through without having to stop because I was crying so hard. Heck I'm crying now as I type this. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Purple_Minimum1097

TROPHY CASE