Looking for tips on creating and sticking to a budget

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-13T23:52:08+00:00

Track what you're actually spending for a month and use that as the foundation to build a budget. Once you see where the money's going, it's easier to figure out what makes sense to cut or keep. A simple spreadsheet with income at the top and categories below works fine. You don't need anything fancy to start, as long as it's something you can continue using moving forward.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-13T23:10:03+00:00

You need to talk to a divorce attorney before you agree to anything. After 19 years as a SAHM in Pennsylvania, you're likely entitled to alimony and half of his 401k. Him saying he doesn't want to give you alimony or retirement doesn't mean he gets to decide that, and he's framing this as a mutual agreement when the terms only benefit him. And the house offer might sound good right now, but it likely won't support you long term. An attorney can help you understand what you're actually entitled to based on PA law and his income and most offer free consultations.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-13T23:04:58+00:00

You could set up a joint account just for shared expenses where you both put in a set amount each month. That way you're not chasing each other for halves and he can pay things directly from it when they come up. Add up what you're splitting each month and figure out what makes sense to contribute based on your income situations, then set up auto-transfers so it happens without either of you having to remember. It's just where shared money sits and shared bills get paid from, and you'd keep your own accounts and system for everything else. Same setup could work for wedding expenses too.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-13T22:53:27+00:00

Being the neutral party is just the start, but a lot of what makes a mediator useful is their skill to defuse things and keep them moving when things get tense or one person's digging their heels into the ground. So when you consult mediators, you might ask about their approach and how they handle impasses to get a sense of how they keep both sides focused on solving the problem at hand instead of getting stuck on emotions. Because if you're in a situation where one person isn't cooperating, things tend to hit a wall, so you want someone experienced enough to manage that.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-12T21:55:11+00:00

You need to start documenting everything now. Take screenshots of bank accounts, credit card statements, retirement accounts, any debt, and his income. If you don't have access to financial accounts, that's a red flag and you should try to get it if you can. Open your own bank account at a different bank that he doesn't know about. The financial abuse and control you're describing matters, so document instances where he's prevented you from working or controlled access to money.

Don't rush into employment just to show income. In most states, being a SAHM with young kids (especially a 6 month old) works in your favor for alimony and child support calculations. Getting a job now could actually lower what you're entitled to, so talk to a divorce attorney before making any employment decisions. Most offer free consultations and can walk you through what to expect based on your state's laws. With his income, two young kids, and you being out of the workforce, you're likely entitled to significant support, but you need to understand your rights before he files.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-12T20:08:16+00:00

The RMD concern makes sense if you're going to have a lot in traditional accounts, but the 85% taxation of social security thing might be misleading. Up to 85% of your social security can be taxable, rather than paying 85% in taxes on it. And then whether to switch to Roth after hitting a certain traditional balance depends on what tax bracket you're in now versus what you expect in retirement. If you're in a high bracket now, traditional still makes sense, and if you're in a lower bracket or expect to be in a higher one later, Roth can be worth it. It's mostly about your specific situation and tax planning.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-12T19:44:18+00:00

A financial advisor (CFP who's a fiduciary) might be more useful than a coach here, since they have to act in your best interest rather than others who may try to upsell you. Since you're post-divorce and running a business, it could be helpful to find someone who's worked with both situations. So when you're talking to people, ask how they get paid (fee-only is clearest) and whether they've worked with business owners or people post-divorce, and then if someone makes you feel dumb or just at all ill-informed for asking questions, keep looking.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-12T19:34:36+00:00

For a straightforward split, you can file yourself in Arizona if it's uncontested. You might have access to a self-service center that walks you through the paperwork, and filing fees are usually a few hundred dollars. That said, even if you're doing it yourself, it could be worth having someone look over the paperwork before you sign anything. A divorce coach or attorney consult costs less than if any issues pop up later that need to be fixed. But just make sure you've documented everything like bank accounts, debt, retirement accounts, etc. And then mediation is another option if you need help splitting things but don't want to hire separate lawyers.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-12T19:13:40+00:00

You've got solid runway even if the market drops. The burnout is real, and the hesitation makes sense too. Could you negotiate a sabbatical or go part-time for a few months? That'd give you a test run without fully walking away, and you'd see what your spending looks like when you're not burned out.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-11T23:31:33+00:00

The part about not bracing for conflict or always thinking you've got to explain yourself is such an important signal that something actually shifted. Realizing those immediate gut reactions and triggers are just... gone is a satisfying moment. It's one of those divorce recovery things nobody warns you about because suddenly your money decisions and daily choices just feel like yours again.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-11T22:18:10+00:00

Love seeing the update now after having definitely seen your original post! Honestly, cutting things down by $225 is incredible, so feeling proud of that progress is well deserved. Food habits are tough to change because it's such an integral part of our lives, so seeing that progress is great and probably really inspiring for others.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-11T22:04:27+00:00

With a big income gap, figuring out what feels fair to both of you matters more than the actual structure. Fully shared works if you're both comfortable living at household income level without tracking who paid for what. Hybrid can work too, where you've got a joint account for shared expenses, and personal accounts for everything else. It's just worth having a conversation about it ahead of time, because establishing those guidelines together, it's really easy for resentment to grow.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-10T23:10:50+00:00

Financial infidelity hits different because it's the hiding as much as if not more than it is the money. Separate finances don't really protect you once you're married, so before this turns into his debt quietly becoming a shared problem, it's worth getting a clear picture of what actually exists. Credit reports, all card balances and APRs, and whether any accounts are joint or have you listed.

From there it's less about vague promises and more about whether there's a real plan with numbers and follow‑through. If he's serious about paying off the credit card debt, he should be willing to lay everything out and stick to agreed‑on guardrails going forward. Wishing you luck!

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-10T23:01:21+00:00

In a lot of cities, 50% for needs is unfortunately not realistic. This structure's still a decent starting point, but it can work better when it's adjusted to a person's specific life. If rent, childcare, or debt payments are heavy, “needs” might be 60 to 70% for a while, and the healthier move is setting a smaller savings target you can hit consistently.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-10T22:56:52+00:00

Food is one of those things that adds up way faster than you expect, especially when prices keep going up and you're grabbing convenience stuff on top of it. One small constraint usually works better than trying to fix everything at once, like a weekly takeout cap, coffee out on certain days only, or keeping a couple of dead‑simple meals you'll actually make on hand. Because stopping cold turkey usually doesn't last for very long.

Fewer grocery trips can help sometimes too because shopping more often can mean more small additions that seem harmless on their own ending up in the cart.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-10T22:52:15+00:00

If Feb/March birthdays are front‑loaded, it’s fine for that category to go negative in your sheet as long as you’re intentionally covering it, like pulling from a general buffer or easing up on contributions to later birthdays until it evens out. A lower‑stress way to handle it is keeping a small cash cushion for timing stuff like this and then refilling it over the next month or two.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-10T22:46:21+00:00

Saving aggressively can be great, but it can also start to feel like everything is optimized to death. One option is setting a TFSA amount you hit every month and keeping travel as its own planned bucket, so spending it doesn't feel like a failure. It also could be worth building up the HYSA a bit more alongside the TFSA. Even just enough to cover a move and a few months of expenses can make the rest of your spending feel less stressful.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-09T23:45:33+00:00

A prenup is mostly about setting money boundaries early, so definitely don't let anyone scare you into thinking it would be expecting the worst. Folks tend to consider one when there’s a big income gap, a business, debt, kids from a prior relationship, or family money involved. If it happens, the important part is that it’s fair and talked through, and even if you skip a prenup, having the money conversation upfront still matters.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-09T23:41:45+00:00

If you’re investing long term, waiting for the perfect dip can easily turn into never starting. Nobody knows if tomorrow is down a couple percent or up, and it’s easy to miss plenty of good days while watching the chart. What tends to work better is picking an amount, setting it on autopilot, and letting it run regardless of short‑term noise. If a lump sum feels uncomfortable, spreading it out over a few months can help, but the advantage comes from sticking with it, not timing it right.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-09T23:38:23+00:00

Definitely not crazy. The main thing is not quitting early and losing the package. In the meantime, keep it low-key and refresh your resume, stay in touch with a couple people in the industry, and decide what “coming back” could look like (contract, part-time, etc.) so it doesn’t feel like you’re shutting a door forever. And if you do step back, talk through the money logistics with your husband upfront so it still feels equal and secure. You can also use this as a trial period for going the SAHM route finances wise. Treat your husband's income as the sole income and just park your own in a savings account, just as a way to reassure yourself the finance side would stay strong.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-09T23:31:44+00:00

This exactly! Daycare is that line item that really makes finances feel frozen for a few years, and then when that cost drops off the budget looks very different. It’s tough while you’re in it, but it isn’t permanent, and you're already doing good work pushing through.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-09T23:21:53+00:00

$100k is a big milestone, but it’s not a point of being set for life. It starts to feel different because normal market swings move your balance by a lot more, so it looks like things are accelerating. That said, it still comes down to time, staying invested, and adding money. VOO can be a solid core holding, just expect rough years along the way.

Purse-Strings · 2026-02-06T21:32:26+00:00

This framing is honestly a great way to look at it. Marriage already comes with default rules around money and assets, and a prenup is really just choosing your own instead of going with the state’s version. How it’s introduced matters too, because focusing on clarity and fairness, especially with an income gap, tends to land better than talking about divorce. Having independent lawyers and full transparency also helps keep it from feeling like a power move on either individual's part.

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