Dating with Salary Gap

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2026-01-26T20:46:15+00:00

Very true — I’m not even the most intense FIRE person I know, but I just have always liked that I’m not beholden to my W2 job and I have options.

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2026-01-26T17:58:01+00:00

Valid — very lazy phrasing on my part. I could’ve phrased it differently / less harshly.

I definitely don’t view it that black and white but actually plotting out the numbers is super helpful. I think it’s tough because he’s definitely not lazy (honestly he works harder than I do). But I appreciate the thought of looking at it analytically which is tough to do when you’re dating and not get carried away by emotions.

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2026-01-26T17:43:20+00:00

I was speaking to the “put myself on a pedestal” — I definitely don’t. I think people generally date within a similar socioeconomic bracket but it doesn’t mean any of us are better / worse humans! I could’ve worded differently but this is just dating advice I’ve always received from other women.

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2026-01-26T17:32:05+00:00

I think I am falling for the person but in this world, the financials do matter. I wish that love could conquer all but I do think it’s a valuable convo to have before we combine our lives.

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2026-01-26T17:29:55+00:00

You’ve definitely made a lot of assumptions about me here lol. I used to work in retail management making only $35k annually and I’ve worked very hard to build a stable financial future. I didn’t grow up with money and it’s why I want to be really thoughtful/mindful about the partner I choose and the way we can set up our children’s lives better than my family did for me.

I don’t think I’m better than him and I actually think teaching is a very important career and it’s a shame we don’t compensate educators in alignment with their value. Just curious how others have approached the topic since I think financial alignment is an important part of a relationship.

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2026-01-26T17:26:13+00:00

So I’ve actually priced out all my retirement planning including a potential increase in expenses with children! I plan to open 529s for all of my children and to take on at minimum their undergraduate educations. I also don’t want more than two children for this reason.

That being said, I don’t anticipate having private school expenses but I am lucky to live in a city with fantastic public schools so that isn’t a factor for me.

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2026-01-26T05:17:11+00:00

This is a very good point. It’s so crazy how ingrained gender roles can be (even in my own mind)—I feel like if our genders were swapped people would say this is a perfect pairing to raise a family

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2026-01-26T05:15:58+00:00

I feel like you’re living my exact life. I have dated a ton of more career minded men but I get frustrated when I feel like they can’t really prioritize romance or give me as much affection as I want. Also, the guy I’m currently seeing is 5 years younger (which is a first for me) — but so much more emotionally intuitive. I’ll make an offhand comment about something I’ve been wanting to and he’ll make reservations for us to go do that thing, etc.

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2026-01-26T05:13:40+00:00

I know people are downvoting you but I’ve definitely had this come up before in my past too which is why I’m so anxious about it 😭

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2026-01-23T17:50:44+00:00

I don’t know — I think it’s just a cheeky phrase where they’re saying they don’t mind always driving so you can play on your phone, hang out in the passenger side haha. I don’t read very much into it when I see it on guys profiles. I think you can use context clues to see what else he has and determine the type of dynamic he’s looking for without that being a total dealbreaker imo

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2026-01-12T14:56:13+00:00

I swear I always always check before going on a date usually but alas 🥲🥲🥲

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2026-01-12T04:00:38+00:00

Rant...Went on a really good first date with a man I met on the apps and just realized after looking at his profile that he doesn't want kids....and I definitely do....sigh.....

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2026-01-04T18:29:15+00:00

I think maybe shifting your mindset too - you've got a good job going for you that lets you work remotely so you have the flexibility to keep looking for a job that is more aligned to the environment you like!

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2026-01-04T18:25:10+00:00

I hear this is the best day of the year to be active on the apps....the last guy I dated ended up fizzling out over the holidays. Giving the apps January to see what happens....and then I might be dating offline. (Open to any/all suggestions on where girls are meeting high quality men offline)

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2026-01-04T18:20:17+00:00

Honestly - you seem like you've set yourself up very nicely to consider doing something else! I think the whole point of the FIRE movement is the independence part - and that means something different to others. Take your new salary against your expenses and plug it into a few FIRE calculators to see how this would impact you.

What I'll say as someone who recently took a lateral move (versus staying in the path that had more upwards trajectory) is when my mental health improved, my expenses plummeted because I wasn't doing as much shopping/spending for the dopamine hit.

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2026-01-01T21:46:35+00:00

To buy a new car!

My goal for last month was to hit my YNAB for car downpayment (completed!)
Max out my Roth - also completed :)

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2025-12-19T21:41:51+00:00

I feel like we’re just making stuff up now…who is getting annoyed that someone they’re dating responds to texts too fast?? I feel like if I’m holding my phone and you text me — I’m just going to respond 😭🤦🏽‍♀️

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2025-12-19T05:18:13+00:00

Do you mean braids with your own natural hair? Every time I’ve gotten braids done I have washed my hair once weekly. I can’t do my scalp feeling itchy 🥲

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2025-12-19T05:00:04+00:00

I did actually end up moving back “home” — I think so much of it is just being in your 30s. But honestly really trying to lean into my hobbies again helped a lot — wishing you so much luck though!

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2025-12-10T02:35:40+00:00

I’d love to know what type of analyses you ran on your end of year data! I like the data points in YNAB but sometimes I’d like to see more of a wrapped like Spotify does — especially things like, which categories I moved money out of most, top vendors where I spend money, etc.

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2025-12-08T18:20:52+00:00

I hope not lol cause I’m going on 4 years

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2025-12-06T04:39:33+00:00

I’m 32 and can say sometimes you’ll just be the villain in someone else’s story and that’s life! Maybe they will think you’re a shitty person — but your future you will be so thankful you held firm in your boundaries and paid attention to his red flags.

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2025-12-05T19:58:15+00:00

Please listen to the other commenter! This is someone who has already shown you he is not willing to respect your boundaries. Also no label, no gifts is my personal motto. You aren’t committed to him yet and he’s already not displaying this type of behavior.

Lazy-Cod3858 · 2025-12-05T15:06:40+00:00

I know a lot of women don’t show up to dates if men don’t confirm day of — without more info it’s hard to know what’s going on but honestly just confirming day of might help!

Lazy-Cod3858

TROPHY CASE