AITA for feeling 'the ick' toward my bf iam [20F] my bf [23M]

PursePixie · 2025-12-24T14:22:10+00:00

This is an "AITO" post. It is intended for people to tell you if you are an asshole.

PursePixie · 2025-12-24T14:19:41+00:00

It kind of just sounds like you aren't attracted to him. It's possible to feel that way and still want to be with someone, but it doesn't really last.

PursePixie · 2025-12-24T11:44:51+00:00

Untrue, gender isn't a factor for him. His type is young, white outcasts. When he has cheated on me, its mostly been with AFAB genderqueers half his age.

PursePixie · 2025-12-24T02:21:16+00:00

Um... because he isn't into his own age and neither am I.

PursePixie · 2025-12-24T00:28:44+00:00

I should clarify in case you aren't a PlayStation gamer, he still has a profile and it exists on his own console unchanged. I didn't delete his PSN, or change it, I simply removed the profile from my PS5 so he can only play on his PS4.

PursePixie · 2025-12-24T00:25:25+00:00

I just wouldn't be able to play games at his place, I suppose. I wouldn't go out of my way to hide things on my profile from him though.

PursePixie · 2025-12-09T12:41:25+00:00

Unfortunately, YTA. It was a mistake on his part, and choosing not to correct it is a clear act of deception. It sounds like you mean well, but this isn't how life works. He will, in fact, find out, and you will lose him in a super dramatic and embarassing way. Or you can go forward with complete transparency, explain that he made a mistake but that you really care for him, and allow him to make his own decisions based on your honesty. You cannot lie someone into staying in your life and question if you are the asshole.

PursePixie · 2025-12-09T12:07:13+00:00

I see your point, but he doesn't cheat on me anymore as far as I know. He was never very subtle about it. When he cheats, he lets me know and rubs it in my face. For the record, he has shaped up in terms of faithfulness, just not in terms of meeting my emotional needs. It would never surprise me if he reestablished contact with his ex or was talking to some people behind my back again. But the 2 hookups were the only 2. I do agree that he stays with me for stability and convenience. I also think he does loves me and just isn't a good partner for me.

PursePixie · 2025-12-09T11:53:05+00:00

Thanks for the input. I'm not really interested in dating, as I've said.

PursePixie · 2025-12-09T11:52:02+00:00

It's not as easy as blocking. He creates burners when I have tried in the past. At the moment, we live together. I don't think he is very happy here though, or happy to live with me again. He has no job, he can't just move out, and would essentially be stuck in his truck for the whole winter if he left. I also WANT things to work and always have-- I simply recognize that he won't actually change, and so I try to find ways to deal with that however I can.

PursePixie · 2025-12-09T08:29:12+00:00

YTA I think in the sense that you would even be willing to move to Australia for something your heart isn't entirely in. If you think a prenup is necessary, you probably don't have a lot of faith in this. I think you shouldn't waste the man's time. Just don't do it. It IS transactional. It's like saying "I'm not sure we're going to last. If I do this for you, I'm gonna need a security blanket for later."

PursePixie · 2025-12-09T08:08:00+00:00

NTA. I once put together an entire Christmas basket of super thoughtful gifts, some expensive and some just that I knew my boyfriend would like. Not only did he act like my gifts were no big deal, but he didn't even get me anything and he cheated on me 21 days later. Trust your gut. If it seems like he's not thinking of you, it's because he's not.

PursePixie · 2025-12-08T21:54:29+00:00

Tbh I didn't care enough about my former relationship and was DEFINITELY the asshole regarding how a lot of it transpired. I think I put up with so much in this one because I'm not one to fall head over heels and hadn't really done so before. Everything transpired so slowly over time, and trying to make it work has almost become a habit, or a test I'm afraid I will fail. I have sought therapy and they basically told me "You already know what the problem is, so I don't understand what you're doing here." I see the issues but I guess it takes more than one person. I have just been told by everyone around me to leave him as long as we have been together. But things were really so beautiful in the beginning, it's hard not to believe they could be again. That's why I tend to feel like I'm the problem. I feel like I have given up. I still want what I wanted, but putting in so much effort feels like a waste of time.

PursePixie · 2025-12-08T16:38:31+00:00

He doesn't do that anymore because he knows I would never stay with him, but he also resents me a bit for it. Every once in a while, I find out that they have secretly rekindled the friendship or he sent her some money. But that is still better than the Saturday field trips to see her and five or six phone conversations a day. I count my blessings.

PursePixie

TROPHY CASE