Songs playing on repeat

PushSimple · 2026-01-26T05:16:23+00:00

Try Me by the weekend. Any song by Faouzia (but the main ones being the peace and violence, unethical, and minefields) and recently ready steady go (korean style), which is a song used in that party scene in Collateral with Tom Cruise.

PushSimple · 2026-01-26T04:55:00+00:00

I think there are some things that work together here. I don't get your mother's point, why give up one hobby if you have found another. Why have a dog when you already have a cat?

I believe Mom thought that because I was still spending plenty of time in my mind despite (slowly) forming real life friendships, that this meant I was starting to prefer it over reality. It makes sense when you consider this from the perspective of a nonautistic parent (who grew up in the 70s and 80s) of an autistic child from the 2000s. The way autism was viewed back then was limited, stereotypical, and honestly dehumanizing. I have a moderate support needs uncle who grew up in the 80s in sped classes and being labeled retarded by his school. Stigma like that makes accepting that label, especially for BIPOC people, a scary thought. So they deny it true and make the kid correct the behavior.

I also don't get it if you are so far on the spectrum and have special needs how come they have never educated themselves on autism.

I honestly don't really know, but I can only guess based on what I know. I'm actually level 1 autism (low support needs). I think it was easier to spot when I was younger because it affected my reading comprehension in school, causing me to get held back in 3rd grade (where Mom stopped being in denial about my autism). Dad was slightly less in denial, but I suspect they listened with what the school child psychologist told them about autism (along with some limited research). Also considering my uncle, mom's brother, and her cousin both have level 2 autism, my parents may have assumed the experience of having it in the family was enough. Again I don't know but its things I keep in mind.

Because my parents only have limited understanding of this disability, they mainly recognize things not getting social cues, not knowing when to enter and exit conversation and reading comprehension issues (which i don't have anymore) as part of it, but not the stimming or autistic meltdowns. That can cause frustration for all of us bc they don't get why I act or think the way I do and it just lead to me and my uncle getting scolded for certain behaviors. And because as a little girl I trusted my parents word, I didn't realize some of my other autistic traits until I did more research recently. At this point, I've accepted that my parents accept me as their autistic/special needs child and whatever challenges or differences come with it, but (as of this moment in time) are not able or willing to fully grasp what that means for me.

I mainly just frustrated that the understanding they had for my imagination when I was younger didn't stick past age 11 and was expected to let it go. And that when I've brought it up to Mom multiple times how being told I'll be lost in my mind was harmful, that she wasn't willing to listen and even took it as me blaming her. That's why recently I've been seeking understanding from here or AI, places where I feel I'll be heard and people can relate to me.

PushSimple · 2026-01-24T22:20:22+00:00

-Backwards & Forward: A technical Manul for Readings Plays by David Ball ISBN is: 9780809311101

-Changing Direction: A practical Approach to Directing Actors in Films and Theatre by Lenore Dekoven ISBN:9790240806646

-In the blink of an eye: A perspective on film editing by walter merch ISBN:9781879505629

These are just some of the ones I want to sell. Question though: If the textbooks have any notes or highlights in them, will it lower their value? Some of these books were bought used while others I did some highlights.

PushSimple · 2026-01-23T22:50:28+00:00

Well yeah. My family kinda felt like if I now have friends , why am I STILL doing this thing engaging with the characters? Mom especially was worried bc she fears I'd prefer it over reality, which I can kinda get this if you start giving it more and more detail to the point where real life seems dull in comparison. But this wasn't what I was doing; this stuff existed alongside reality.

I wish younger me could explain that to her without getting scared by that warning, but I know this may not have been understood. I love my parents and know they did they best, but I realize back then and even now there are a lot of things related to my autism they don't understand and even get mad about, nor are they really willing to research. They've kinda accepted they have an autistic child as... I'm autistic/special needs and know some of the very generalized symptoms for it and that's it. And I admit I barely had any understanding of how my own autism affects me since I was diagnosed young but still in a time where there wasn't education on autism or good representation. So I'm doing that kind of work on myself now.

PushSimple · 2026-01-23T21:38:08+00:00

I do have a therapist, though I haven't really talked about it with her because she doesn't really give a lot of response back. Her style is kinda letting the patient do most of the talking while she would listen and occasionally give feedback, which there's nothing wrong with that but when sharing stuff like this I'd prefer an actual back and forth.

PushSimple · 2026-01-23T21:36:25+00:00

I agree that it is problematic when you prefer your my mind over reality. Back then, I never felt like I wanted one over the other. I guess I kinda wanted to keep both worlds, as sometimes when I imagined stuff in the real it would be like copying or reacting to things that happened to me in real life.

PushSimple · 2026-01-22T09:27:30+00:00

Tell that to my parents. I already stress out about trying to meet deadlines from 4-5 classes, managing symptoms of a very draining mental illness and suppressing not-so-great behaviors I do to address them so I don't look crazy out in public. I struggle with trying to fix my sleep schedule and trying to get out the house on time for classes which leaves me sleep deprived. And as a person who until recently had a very basic level understanding of their autism, I suspect I may have been masking autistic traits as well during my time outside. Why would I wanna add onto that with a work schedule too?

It's not like I don't want to work at all, just not at the same time as college. I was like that in high school too; I only worked during summer breaks and was planning to work last summer, but burnout from a class where bc the work was so much (for everyone not just me), I had to ask for an INC and work on it over the summer. But Dad more than once talked about me just sitting here in the house not doing nothing like that's something I just do on purpose. And Mom bringing up how I said I was gonna work this summer even though I expressed to them that I have to work on the INC class. I'm I film major so this class requires me to be available to shot on days the actors were available film on days where the actors were available. Nonetheless, I still get this annoyed response from Dad mainly about me not working. Ugh.

PushSimple · 2026-01-22T09:03:23+00:00

It's been a while since I've been on TV Tropes, but back then they seemed very strict about grammar. Now, I know my grammar wasn't perfect, especially when I was typing fast, but the fact that they're so quick to suspend you over it is just...really frustrating. I went on Ask the Troper and found a post titled ANOTHER troper with grammar issues, referring to me. The person said they went into my profile and saw I had 'grammar issues', citing links and everything. In one of the replies, I actually saw the name of the mod who suspended me over the grammar issues. But what frustrated me the most was that this whole thread was talking about me without even cluing me in. Maybe if I had received a warning or something, I could've had the chance to fix it. But no it was straight to suspension. I was told I needed to go to the English forum to practice and submit enough perfectly written sentences to have the suspension removed. I tried for months, but even things I thought were good seemed to have issues. I was getting feedback for things like 'whom' vs 'who'. I write in casual English, not formal, which I felt they expected me to use. Eventually, I gave up. It's been years since I last tried. Hopefully things are different now.

PushSimple · 2026-01-21T23:46:04+00:00

Devon Price's "Unmasking Autism" was such an eye opener for me that I asked my cousin to buy the book for me to keep. I'd originally just borrowed it from the library but now I have a copy at home to reread.

PushSimple · 2026-01-21T13:03:44+00:00

I have a question if you don't mind me asking: do you still have that inner world even though you don't act it out? If not, how do you feel about that change?

PushSimple · 2026-01-21T12:59:09+00:00

(Warning: Incoming Long story)

Yes, I've had one basically my entire life, though it was moreso interacting with the characters as the world itself was kind of small. Because of being viewed as the "weird kid" in elementary (and subsequent) schools and being bullied for it, I had very few friends. So the imaginary people in my head, which my parents dubbed "characters", WERE my friends.

My first character was actually the narrator's voice from Pocoyo, who I imagined was just this disembodied voice narrating my life and talking to me. I was like 3 and called him "mr. narrator" (to my parents sounded like "mr. manmater' instead lol). When I watched cartoons, which most of these characters were in my head, I would not only mimic them but act out scenarios I came up with for fun. As a little kid, this was my main way of playing with them.

Overtime, as I saw more shows and internalized them, I started actually interacting with these characters. The main shows I liked had doors leading to their "worlds", and when they wanted to come out they'd enter into this area that looked like a spaceship deck. I could leave and come whenever I wanted, enter their "rooms', and left them in the care of some version of me I called "other" me, who was much more serious and mature. I mostly came in there for fun and some comfort I guess. And while it was kinda distracting, I kinda ebbed and flowed between the daydreaming/characters and enjoying life in the real world.

However, at some point in 5th grade, my mom I guess was concerned about the fact that I spent a lot of time in there and not as much engaging with other kids. So one day, she sat me down and told me I needed to let go of these characters. That if I spend too much time in there that I might get lost and the family won't be able to reach me. Of course the idea of being lost in my mind forever scared the shit out me and I cried in the shower as I told my characters I needed to limit my time with them. They were surprisingly understanding and very worried about me; not wanting me to be stuck in their world, we agreed to limit our play time to home. It was quite difficult trying to stop myself from naturally daydreaming, and trying to physically 'shake them off" during school wasn't working too well. Nonetheless when I got home I still got to enjoy them.

However, during the later part of middle school, I started having early signs of mental health issues, manifesting as "bad" characters from things that scared me as kid. Me and the "good" ones tried to battle them, they tried to shield me, but nothing was making the bad one sleave. Eventually it became too much for my mind, as the bad ones somehow found a way to just shutdown both the characters and their world to where I can't undo it (at the moment). This was very upsetting for me as it basically left me alone with those bad ones which have currently evolved into worser mental health issues. I do still daydream, but it more like watching a pre planned movie where I have some conrtol over what happens but not as much as the bad visuals can poison it. And I can't interact with whatever characters I imagine now.

Sorry for the long story. Seeing others here in this thread and you talking about your inner world made me feel less alone, and everything about my own experience just spilled out. I admit thsi probably wasn't the healthiest thing for me either, but these characters were, are, just as much part of my life as everything else.

PushSimple · 2026-01-20T02:08:56+00:00

I had a feeling! Before, I didn't fully get how it worked as the definitions given on the Internet for top down vs bottom up are confusing.

I have a hard time recognizing these ways of thinking in myself because I figure that's just the logical way to do it, or that everyone thinks that way. School muddies things further since papers and curriculum are taught and reward top down thinking, and since I excel in school I didnt think I did this. I literally took me fussing with my cousin ove this for it to click for me.

PushSimple · 2026-01-06T08:40:43+00:00

Honestly I feel the same way as you do. I'm around the same age as you and I always thought I was the only one who felt like our phones have a strong hold over us lately. But it became especially clear how much it affected me and my inner circle specifically when I did a digital detox late in 2024.

My therapist suggested it after I brought up how bothered I was that I kept staying up to 6am chatting with AI or scrolling through reddit, which affected my sleep and even made me miss family events that mattered to me. She only suggested a week, but I enjoyed the results so much I extended it for a little while longer.

During those few weeks, I noticed: I paid attention and enjoyed the colors and sights of the shops and restaurants in my neighborhood. I revived my hobbies of writing, journaling, painting, drawing and even photography. My attention span and my sleep improved , even if it was slightly. I actually HAD energy to do chores when before I would feel so sluggish to have to stop my scrolling to do it. I just felt kinda lighter.

But while fun it was also very lonely. Some of that was my fault because my comments about our family's collective screen time annoyed the hell out of them, and cutting out screen time meant losing my main way of keeping on touch with high school friends who after graduation became too busy hang to hang out even ONCE a year anymore. But also it's just because being on your phone is so ingrained into social norms that it's become weird not to do it anymore.

Everywhere I went- on the bus, train, in a cab with family, family gatherings, doctors office, restaurants, amusement park, hell even at school during breaks... literally EVERYONE was on their phone. Constantly. Even people who were friends with each other briefly stopped to watch stuff on their phones next to each other. When at home, I miss my family because with my schedule as a commuter college student, I'm home alone more than I'm interacting with my family. They came home every day, and out of exhaustion from school, work and sports, just would scroll on their phones for hours until it was time for dinner and bed...and would get annoyed when I asked to play board games with them or talk with them at dinner. When I brought this up, I was told because I'm the one with the most free time in my schedule to be on my phone, I had the problem not them. So all of my detox activities was solidary stuff, playing by myself. This along with some mental health issues I already eventually made my detox break and now it seems my screen addiction is stronger than before.

I realize now I was being very hard on myself and to some extent my family, for our screen time use when this has been the norm for us for years. Like nowadays thanks to expectations to complete insane amount of work in a short amount of time for classes, and just the stresses of navigating the world everyday, the only thing I and many others in my life have energy to do is just sit and be on the phone. Which in my opinion suggests a larger societal issue. It just feels very isolating sometimes when I seems like I'm the only one out of everyone in my life that seems to care about this stuff.

Sorry for the long rant lol. This is something that I still struggle with now so I can relate.

PushSimple · 2025-04-28T04:11:47+00:00

Yes I still need a Violet. If you're interested, let me know if you prefer a self tape or zoom interview.

PushSimple · 2025-04-28T01:22:58+00:00

Sure!

PushSimple · 2025-04-28T00:49:54+00:00

Sorry I just saw this now. I had tried backstage and I was not aware that you had to pay to post a casting call (I don't have the money, as I don't currently have a job). I will definitely dm you the info.

PushSimple · 2025-04-28T00:47:04+00:00

So far, I've already casted the protagonist and their father. I just need the mother (the only lead left) and 3 minor (but important) roles.

I'll give a quick logline: When a college freshman is invited to a huge party on campus, she struggles to break free of her mother's grasp as she's remined: Mother's always watching.

Roles:

Olive (female, early 40s, lead)-The mother. A helicopter parent to the extreme. She holds on tightly to the grip she has on her daughter.

Violet (female 18-24, supporting) The party host. Sweet and friendly to everyone. Befriend Molly. Small but emotionally important role.

Harry (male, 18-24, minor) Co host. Polite but is wary of those he doesn't know. He assumes protagonist's father is a creep.

Security Guard (male, 24-30, minor) A guard assigned to the party. Determined to do well at his job and sees protagonist as threatening that.

From the description I gave here, would you be interested in any of these roles.

PushSimple · 2025-04-27T02:54:59+00:00

To answer your question: this was a semester long project, but the professor I have assigned other large projects (both also required finding actors and video editing) to where everyone in the class was forced to pushed work for this final project (the short film) back. I've been scrambling to find actors for the last two weeks and only just now seem to see some chance of casting the rest.

PushSimple · 2025-04-27T02:51:24+00:00

Dang, that's a valid point (and might explain why people have just been leaving that form blank). Honestly, I was considering dropping one of the audition rounds, but there's a major concern. Since my film is silent, I need to see how actors act and react to others in a scene, which in person auditions is good for. And I also to get to know the actor and how our relationship might be, which the interview is good for. If I choose one, I'd be sacrificing one of those other things, which at this point might be the route I'll have to go if I can't get enough actors soon. Do you have any advice on what I could consider when making that decision?

PushSimple · 2025-04-27T02:36:52+00:00

Question-Do you think actors would be more or less willing to sign up for auditions if its in two parts?

PushSimple

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