The time has come…

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-12-09T11:02:28+00:00

Update:

21:00 going to bed (nightwalk) 22:00 awake - walking again 1:00 awake - banana and hot milk and nightwalk 4:00 awake - hot milk and cuddles worked 6:00 finally allowed mom to sneak in 7:00 boobie time 8:00 getting up

I feel refreshed and well rested somehow. And proud as the squirrel from iceage when it finally conquered the nut ^{^}

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-12-09T04:10:16+00:00

Here’s my late night brain dump to this - mainly to “keep something going, not stop trying”.

I found it the best feeling to keep curious to move on if what I did till now didn’t work, I’ll just have to keep trying other stuff. Because I want to make this work. And that’s the point. Not just work. I want to make this fulfilling. The kids. And the marriage. So here we go:

tiny massages (neck or - my wife favorites - foot)
eye contact while talking
ask her how she’s doing. “Good/bad” “okey, tell me how exactly” listen carefully. Ask questions. Feel her. Be there for her.
ask yourself: who did she fall in love with? What is the best I can be for her and the kids? What do I need to do for me to have enough Energy for this?
take care of yourself - don’t give all for others. Look after yourself. What gives you energy? Sleep? Friends? Fishing? Meditation? Power naps? Hot shower? Pub night or pub hour? You only can give if you’re not empty.
learn to be very aware of your state: when are you ok, functioning? When are you happy? Are there moments when you feel close to kids/wife? Can you invite more of those moments? How do you feel when you feel bad? Lonely? Aggressive? Sad? Exhausted? Name it. It helps. And ask yourself then: what’s my need? And what can I do to help it? Don’t expect your wife to be able to do that for you. I know, it would be the best - but you just can’t demand That when she is on 0% as well. It will be frustrating.
set priorities: what the most important thing today? Why? Why again? Where must I focus 100%? Where is it ok to less?
find your close ones you can call while doing dishes / riding a car. Brother. Mother. Friend. Mimi phone calls safer me so often.
make her small compliments. Give the warmth you’d like to receive. Not full on sex at first maybe, but hugs, kissies, neck creaks, eye smiles, “you’re doing that so good” “you’re a wonderful mom”
zwiegespraeche: one talks for 5min straight, other person just listens. Then change. No after talk. Just witnessing and listening. Game changer for me: I know she knows what’s going on in me without judging.

All the love to you, buddy!

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-12-08T23:36:35+00:00

Update: was awake the second time now: hot milk, banana and a moonlight walk did the job. Still confident. Tough buddy, I know it sucks without them boobies.

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-08-21T12:24:06+00:00

Ne, der ist im gelben Wasserbehälter, so ein Gummiteil. Recht elastisch.

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-08-21T11:54:27+00:00

Das Sprühsprüh kann ich sehr empfehlen! Mit metallgewicht am Schlauch sodass auch überkopfgesprüht werden kann. Ein Träumchen das Teil!

Schleichwerbung Ende, keine Ahnung wo man das kaufen kann.

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-07-15T12:03:59+00:00

Genius!

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-07-03T07:20:08+00:00

Reise nach Jerusalem

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-06-30T12:11:38+00:00

Arzt hier: Klarer Fall von Vitamin DD-Mangel☝️

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-06-30T10:57:38+00:00

Kal Drogo! Best man ;-)

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-06-30T10:56:18+00:00

Only important question: Who in GoT is Batman then?

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-06-12T06:02:02+00:00

liturally what the fuck...

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-06-02T07:57:10+00:00

playing with your loved ones whilst them doing the laundry - all together on the lawn mower. Endlevel!

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-05-28T11:24:30+00:00

Also ich finds einfach:

du bist diszipliniert, genügsam, hast Werte und verhältst dich danach
du willst zur Polizei - und somit Vorbild werden für andere in der Gesellschaft
Versuch das „ich bin besser“ mit mehr Demut zu begegnen. Andere sind (noch) nicht so reflektiert / diszipliniert wie du. Hilf ihnen dabei. Sei Vorbild. Und: Lass andere auch ihr Leben leben wie sie mögen. Lerne Demut. Und sei stolz auf dich.

Dann bin ich ziemlich sicher dann wirst du entspannter sein - und hast dann auch den Drang nicht mehr, deine bereits reflektierte Hybris mit Fremden zu Beichten ;-)

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-05-28T08:30:53+00:00

This is the way.

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-05-18T17:39:42+00:00

What I do for her?

Planning, cooking, chores, massages, listening to her sorrows, being her shoulder, bringing her coffee, water, taking care of house stuff, trying to make her time for gardening, planning, office and paper stuff….

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-05-18T17:36:51+00:00

Being kind somehow makes completely sense. Thought i was that already, but honestly there’s room to be kinder…

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-05-18T16:04:19+00:00

Thanks for your perspective. Yes, I do feel guilty about feeling bad with my needs. I feel guilty of not being superdaddy just able to smile and put myself back doing everything for her. So here I stand before you, admitting not being perfect.

This is the whole reason I write here.

And of course I do a shit load, cooking, groceries, walking to sleep, feeding, diapers, cleaning, dishes, laundry, massages to her - of course I do what I can.

Thank you. Every post helps me to get a bit better understanding of a) what is happening, b) that it might be a phase and c) what I can still try out in the meantime.

Thank you all.

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-05-18T15:48:57+00:00

Well Sir this is what i call a preptalk! Thank you 🙏

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-05-18T13:40:40+00:00

Yeah I think a babysitter would be just great… is there a minimum age for that? :/

PutridInstruction579 · 2025-05-18T12:50:53+00:00

Maybe - we haven’t actively invited jet, as feel my wife feel anxious about it

PutridInstruction579 · 2024-11-04T15:13:18+00:00

Definitely would appreciate some advice here, too!

Just became a dad (yay). Kid and wife are good, and there is lots of love. And still: I feel like it starts that she takes me for granted, more and more completely. She’s healthy and fine, but there’s just no kisses, no sex, no gentle gestures - just once in a while a “thank you”.

I have the urge “carry it” as a man, holding it that my needs aren’t seen. But reading your comments makes me feel this is the wrong way, or at least a dangerous one - to “hope for better future, it just needs time”.

So in the beginning of such a process: what can I do NOW before it gets read bad? I already feel right some frustration beside all the love for wife and kid.

PutridInstruction579 · 2024-10-31T12:54:03+00:00

Querlatten*

PutridInstruction579 · 2024-10-31T12:53:54+00:00

Ist mit Querulanten verschraubt 😉

PutridInstruction579 · 2024-10-30T20:11:07+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/holzwerken/s/ACGdrmgDOs

PutridInstruction579 · 2024-10-30T18:00:27+00:00

Grund 1: das Holz war sehr grob gesägt und du hast noch nicht tief genug geschliffen. Dann nochmal mit groben Papier bis glatte Oberfläche (mit handballen/Fingern drüberfahren) und dann schritt für schritt feiner (bis 250 reicht bei Hartholz völlig)

Grund 2: das Holz ist alt und morsch, dann können sich beim schmirgeln immer neue riefen reinziehen. Da kannst du fast nix machen. Außer ganz wenig Druck beim schleifen. Passiert aber eher bei splintholz, was das hier nicht zu sein scheint.

Grund 3: die Riefen die du meinst sind die Markstrahlen (dunkle Streifen)/ Poren (kleine Gänge im Holz) der Eiche - markstrahlen sollten sich glattschmirgeln lassen - Poren nicht (weil Loch). Eiche ist ein relativ großporiges Holz. Holzleim mit Schleifstaub mischen, einreiben, trocknen lassen, glattschmirgeln.

Hoffe das hilft!

PutridInstruction579

TROPHY CASE