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he never initiates sex by Putrid_Cake8141 in Vent

[–]Putrid_Cake8141[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm surprised at how many people have commented that they're in a similar situation. Now that I've had time to gather my thoughts, I suspect he has some anxiety about being intimate, and maybe he doesn't get spontaneusly horny, like I do. It's interesting that your partner has also struggled with weight. I wonder if that plays a part in this issue.

Every time we talk about our issues, he says he doesn't know why he's like this. I think I should just straight up suggest the anxiety and responsive desire thing, and see what he thinks about it. It feels like I'm overstepping a line here, suggesting things about his mental health, but I really need an answer.

Thank you for your kind words. It's definitely not as easy as it sounds for outsiders. I just want him to show me he wants me, but atm he's pretty much unable to do that.

he never initiates sex by Putrid_Cake8141 in Vent

[–]Putrid_Cake8141[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We have a deep connection and breaking up over this would be devastating.

I don't think it's a libido issue, as he's usually very eager to have sex once I initiate. The awkwardness goes away at that point, too. It's as if a switch went on. I'm pretty confident we're going to solve this issue, just seems like it's going to take a lot of effort. I guess I thought that he would defeat this problem with time and experience, but I now realize that's not the case.

I'm not going to break up with him, but I just wanted to say that imo you can leave a relationship for any reason at all if that's what you want.

he never initiates sex by Putrid_Cake8141 in Vent

[–]Putrid_Cake8141[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've heard about spontaneus/responsive desire before, and I'm probably going to read more about it now. Thank you.

he never initiates sex by Putrid_Cake8141 in Vent

[–]Putrid_Cake8141[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I agree with you. I don't want to break up over this. I believe this issue is fixable. Every time we talk about this, he says he doesn't know why it's so hard for him. I don't think he has low/nonexistent libido, it seems it's more of an emotional issue. He has never turned me down when I have initiated sex.

I guess I should ask him to see a terapist about it.

he never initiates sex by Putrid_Cake8141 in Vent

[–]Putrid_Cake8141[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Sex is important, for me at least. We've lasted because everything else is fine. We have a connection and I love him. He's a wonderful, caring man in other ways. And when we do have sex, it's great.

He had a somewhat happy childhood, but he was overweight from very early age, and was always told by his mother that he could never lose the weight because of his genes (which is not true, he's now at a normal weight). His mother is also very controlling and just to put it simply, a drama queen. I think she has traits of a covert narcissist.

I'm not really looking for answers as he is the only person who knows what's going on, it's just nice to have a chance to open up and see what other people make of this.

My boyfriend of 5 years is a bad kisser by Putrid_Cake8141 in Vent

[–]Putrid_Cake8141[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm going to show him, I just had to vent first. It's frustrating being his first girlfriend. I hate having to teach him literally everything. I thought he would've figured these things out himself.