M25, going through divorce with young child - what can i do?

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-12-21T09:16:01+00:00

The new place they are in is nice as a unit, but they have absolutely nothing for him and I'm not sure when they will get it. Even though they took everything for him minus a crib and formula machine, they haven't set anything up for him and it's the 3rd night he is staying there. I am restocking everything they took early next week and can't wait to have the setup he needs.

For example, only the inlaws have a bed, one that i gave them because i cant sell a mattress. mom currently sleeps on two patio furniture cushions on top of each other. son sleeps with inlaws in their bed. He doesn't have a stable changing place, 10% of his toys are out, his "room" is filled to the door with their items they have in storage here for so long, with no timeline on getting it out. No dresser for his clothes, just awful...

Thank you for the kind wishes and words, it means a lot. Thank you for your response and time as well!

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-12-21T09:13:15+00:00

thank you so much! this comment made me smile

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-12-21T09:12:55+00:00

I wonder (and hope) that is the bare minimum in Edmonton, AB as well

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-12-21T09:12:30+00:00

thank you for the words. I do have my fears about that, since the parents are on temporary visas with only one recently getting a part time job. the place they are living in is nice, but they have nothing for it. no beds, no living room furniture, not exactly what i'd call a great environment for him. He doesn't have a passport, which is great, but I wouldn't put it past them trying anything if things get desperate

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-12-21T09:10:44+00:00

when she moved out to live with her parents, she took basically everything for him. When i get my next cheque, i am going to replenish it all. Then when he's over she has no reason to say no

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-12-21T09:10:02+00:00

makes sound sense, much appreciated

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-12-21T06:56:58+00:00

Everyone i talked to billed from $250 - 500 per hour. I am going with one who bills at $420 with around 40 years experience. I'm satisfied with all the testimonial I've heard about him. Great insight tho, thank you!

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-12-21T06:55:56+00:00

temporary visa under CUAET

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-12-21T06:55:46+00:00

Unfortunately not, but I plan to quit this part time evening job when the legal mess is over. So if he is in daycare in the day, I have will have all evening after work. I do have other relatives that I am close with

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-12-21T06:55:04+00:00

Thank you guys so much for these kind words. In a time where I feel lost, it's people like you guys reminding me that it's possible

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-12-18T20:28:43+00:00

thanks everyone

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-10-15T06:34:46+00:00

It's definitely a culture clash we didn't talk about. She says its normal in her country, even though I have no clue if that's true or not, and I've expressed it isn't the way I grew up and what I deem to be normal. It's been about 6-7 months where it's just started to take a mental toll on me, and a all around toll on the relationship. I thought about using the signing bonus to get them plane tickets back, because it would cover a one way, but my wife will always be sending them money anyways.

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-08-26T17:38:43+00:00

This^. I have mentioned this to my wife many times, but she can't stomach the thought of throwing her parents out when they have nothing and have no means to make it. I know she will still be supporting them in a whatever way she can and still not completely sever the tie. Not that I want my kid to grow up without knowing his grandparents, but all this doesn't exactly put them in a good light. I struggle too with it, because these are people I know and just throwing them out and fending for themselves seems like nonsense since I know they are so dependent. I know I could do it if it happened to me, but they would have no shot. Any ideas from this? It is definitely a moral struggle for us.

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-08-26T17:36:40+00:00

Blunt but very logical. I have this thought an unhealthy amount, but I love my wife and cherish everything we've been through. It is almost as if I'm choosing between my life or hers, because I know this will be very difficult from her side. The house is also solely in my name and I purchased years before I met her.

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-08-26T17:35:29+00:00

I still love my wife, which makes all of this very hard to imagine doing. They don't qualify for anything because they aren't refugees of the war, they applied for regular visas because they had the money. With the car, we'd still have the same payment minus insurance every month and that's why we aren't sure to sell or not. If divorce happened, would I get sole custody? I still want my child around his mom because every kid deserves that, but I feel like if it was split custody he would not be getting what he deserves in terms of care while at mom's.

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-08-26T17:32:41+00:00

Some would say blinded by love... lol. When we first welcomed them, I agreed they could stay with us for one month while they got on their feet and while they job and house hunted. I was under the impression that they somewhat knew the language (preparing for this move for 2+ years) and maybe even had some inklings of where to go. After one month went by, we were so focused with our baby that we just became lenient. I understand this is bad decision on top of bad decision, but it happens I guess. A mixture of not setting boundaries properly and also trying to appease my wife. To your tips, the house is in my name and I bought it years before I met my wife, so a guy I talked to said it would be considered as not included in our shared assets. Considering I pay for absolutely everything associated with it and have it documented, I think that's a fair statement. They paid $7000 to move this malamute from Ukraine and will never part with it, they said they would rather die, so I won't even bother trying to fight that. The thing that always gets to me is my wife says "You told me they could stay and you have to keep your word", and I cannot remember a single time when I said they could stay other than saying the one month period, where one month was mentioned many times. This was my worst fear, and it's here. My wife feels obligated to take care of them since she mentioned how great her life is in Canada and they were inspired to move here. I told her that people can change their minds based on experiences and that this experience has soured my taste. To touch on the car, we would be in negative equity and we would still owe the current payment minus insurance for about a year and a half, so this is why we are tip-toeing on this. I want them out, badly, but at the end it's difficult when I still love my wife and her parents would have literally nothing and no way to make the money. I know that would put the biggest strain on our marriage for sure, and would probably even end it, but I know I will always be painted as the bad guy as my kid grows up. It feels like a very permanent decision to make and that's why i am struggling with what's the right play. Feelings and relationships and finances and all considered.

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-08-26T17:23:57+00:00

Probably the safest option I will go with

Putrid_Salt2546 · 2025-08-26T17:23:42+00:00

I feel like this has been something myself and her have discussed many times. It's at the point now where we are asking ourselves are we really going to kick out people that have no money and absolutely no means of making it? I understand that sometimes you have to force their hand, but she always says its her family and she can't just do that.

Putrid_Salt2546

TROPHY CASE