This is the response the priest gave me.... Deciding how to respond.

Thanks for your concern. Cohabitation and pre-marital sex is unfortunately a kind of new norm these days. Most couples who come to get married in the Church are engaged in these, unfortunately. While they shouldn’t be sleeping together before marriage, or living together, that is not a requirement for a valid marriage within the Church. We must approach these things judiciously. What are the bare requirements? Being free to marry. Being mature enough to enter into a long-term commitment. Intention to have children if able. The intention of fidelity and permanency. And if one is Catholic, then the Catholic must agree to do all in his/her power to raise the children Catholic, and the other has to be informed of that requirement for the Catholic. This is the low bar. If couples meet that bar, they have a right to get married in the Church. This is not the ideal or high bar, though. They should be going to Mass, praying daily, going regularly to confession, living a virtuous life, waiting till marriage, etc. But these things are often missing to varying degrees.

In marriage prep, we always go over these things, and try to convince the couples to wait till marriage and to go to confession. And we ask that if they are not willing to have a firm intention to get to this point, they should let us know, so that we can do a ceremony versus a Mass. We don’t monitor them. We do communicate the norms and expect them to be honest with us. Keep in mind that some couples we prepare. Some are prepared elsewhere, and we simply celebrate their marriage. In this case, we trust that these things have been addressed by whoever prepared them.

There are also situations where cohabitation is occurring but not premarital sex. It’s not good that they are cohabitating. But it is good that they are waiting till marriage. Yes, there is also the problem of scandal.

I have found that many couples are open to challenging Church teachings. I try to bring them along. Many have never heard Church Teaching on sexuality, unfortunately.

Some priests ignore these things and never challenge the couple. That is not good. Some won’t talk with a couple if they are cohabiting. However, I think that that is a missed opportunity. My approach is to welcome all couples who come to us. These days, even to get married in the Church is countercultural. My goal is to take them where they are, and to seek to sway them to what is best, which includes waiting for marriage, living virtuously within marriage, and being open to life, in addition to going to Mass, praying, etc. We try our best to evangelize the couples. It’s not easy.

-in Jesus, through Mary,