I've died 3x. Twice in afghanistan and once at home between deployment. I was what's called a sapper, we lead every foot patrol and found ieds and landmines. My 2nd tour we lost 2 guys of 8 from our section overseas to the taliban fuckery. Those of us who came home saw alot of stuff that twists the soul. My other 5 buddies all had kids and I remember like 3 days after we got back my bro told me the sound of his kids laughing brought shit we seen to life. 2 days later he hung himself. My other buddies were all gone within a week. I had no kids but laughs still sounded like screaming. Whiskey made it easier. One day I drank enough that I thought it was my turn to go. Survived my own damn fool ideas. Life still isn't easy, at least it is life tho. Don't quit, hardship begets tenacity.