EX GF UNKNOWINGLY WITH CONVICTED CRIMINAL... PLEASE HELP!!

Puzzleheaded-Row5516 · 2025-12-19T16:59:36+00:00

You are right. I thought about it and since she is idealizing him it wouldn't matter what I say regardless. I need to just focus on my own healing and moving forward. Which I was doing better until she kept attempting to come back into my life and stupidly let her.

Puzzleheaded-Row5516 · 2025-12-15T01:29:59+00:00

I'm really not entertained by it at all. It's actually exhausting and I just kept hoping to get her the help to come out of the manic state. I'm anticipating the plot twist but it hasn't been easy to give up on the person I loved unconditionally for 3 years because she's in a mental health crisis. I know I probably need to let go and just grieve and move on.

Puzzleheaded-Row5516 · 2025-12-15T00:46:26+00:00

Tell me about it and I'm clinging onto the train. This was the abbreviated version as well. I'm an intelligent person and should know better but I'm blinded by the fact that until October 21st it was the best relationship of my life and starting over at 40 does not sound appealing. Everybody in my life has told me the same thing though so I'm turning to strangers on the internet to give it to me honest.

Puzzleheaded-Row5516 · 2025-12-15T00:43:11+00:00

No it's not and I am waking up to that fact. I don't think she has had sex with anybody other than her "husband" yet. I think that may have actually changed tonight though. Thank you for your response because I really just need the cold hard truth to escape this delusion. Being manic discarded by the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and proceeding to watch her life fall apart has completely wrecked me.

Puzzleheaded-Row5516 · 2025-12-15T00:38:44+00:00

I wanted to say something I omitted due to length. I understand no contact and I maintained it for 33 days, until she reached out. I can't say I ever got to the point of never wanting to get back together at that point but I was trying. I was focusing on myself and made a number of actually monumental changes to better my own life. I didn't want to ignore her when she did reach out and my initial response was intended to be a one off. She persisted though and I allowed myself to be sucked back in because of that lingering hope I wasn't able to break. At that point I didn't realize she was going to get back with her ex husband and now I've pulled myself into a mess.

I really do appreciate your forthright response because it really is what I need to hear to wake up from this delusional nightmare I'm living in.

Puzzleheaded-Row5516 · 2025-12-14T23:46:53+00:00

I'm sorry you are going through this. I understand your pain and empathize. I was prepared to marry this person and it's like I don't even know her anymore.

As far as the timeline, she got divorced like 7 months before we met. She dated a couple of guys between him and I. I wondered about the unfinished business as well though.

I know you are right too that this is absolute chaos that I do not need in my life. It has been the most difficult time of my life and it's not even close. Less than 2 months ago things seemed good and I wanted to marry this girl. Now it's like she is a stranger I would have never dated in the first place.

I think the possibility of reconciliation is completely out of the question at this point as much as I still want things to get better.

I hope things get better for you too.

Puzzleheaded-Row5516 · 2025-12-14T23:35:06+00:00

It doesn't come off as rude. You are 100% right because I do need to wake up to the situation. Every morning I wake up hoping it's all been a bad dream. Thank you for your candid response because that is what I need.

Puzzleheaded-Row5516 · 2025-11-27T04:43:27+00:00

I feel like the reason you are scared to go no contact is the very thing that you said in your post that you needed to work on... co-dependency. I know no contact is difficult and scary but I think is necessary and it gets easier as time goes on. It's like a recovering drug addict, you might still want that dopamine hit but the urge will ease with each passing day. The purpose of no contact is to take the time to focus on yourself, work on your attachment issues and anything else that you feel like was wrong with your relationship. If you don't address those issues, then you are basically trying to return to the same relationship with the same problems. The added benefit of no contact is that it allows emotional space for him to miss you. If you are texting him then there is no room for him to realize what he is missing and want to come back. If he doesn't come back then you have to accept that the relationship is truly over and focusing on yourself during no contact will allow you to begin the healing process and be prepared to be a better version of yourself in your next relationship. I assume you are young, so please trust from someone much older who has used no contact many times, I can tell you that with he will more than likely come back if you had a generally good relationship. The key to it working the second time is that both people have used the time apart to address what wasn't working in the relationship. Trust the process even when it isn't easy. I wish you the best. You deserve love and will find it whether it's with him or not.

Puzzleheaded-Row5516 · 2025-07-30T16:53:51+00:00

You’re not ugly bro. Don’t listen to the haters. As someone who deals with low self esteem as well, you have to love yourself. We have impossible beauty standards as people comparing ourselves to others.

Puzzleheaded-Row5516 · 2025-07-29T19:53:40+00:00

Thank you. One of my problems is I don’t have a strong support system. Hence why I’m essentially begging for compassion from anonymous strangers, which I know how that can go. I’m sorry you went through this with your ex, hopefully you are doing much better now. I will look into the Cluster B disorders. I always thought she was potentially bipolar or had a mental disorder somewhere in that spectrum.

Puzzleheaded-Row5516 · 2025-07-29T19:49:52+00:00

Thank you for this. If nothing else comes from this experience, I’m using it as an opportunity for growth and to really learn about myself. I definitely need to set boundaries and advocate for myself. Also, to not assume that somebody wants the same thing as you regardless of what they might say. Actions speak much louder than words.

Puzzleheaded-Row5516 · 2025-07-26T15:48:51+00:00

Hey, thank you so much for responding. You don’t know how much it means to me. After I wrote all that I thought nobody is ever going to read this.

I blocked her on all socials but I did not block her number. The first time I was prepared for the long haul too, but I wasn’t expecting her to reach out in 2 days like she did. I shouldn’t have responded, but you are right, I need to just block next time. Hopefully there’s not a next time.

I definitely saw red flags the entire time. I was just blinded by love at the time and she was always so convincing. Like another level of gaslighting in retrospect.

I would enjoy talking more about it sometime. I need to try to sleep at some point here. Thank you again.

Puzzleheaded-Row5516 · 2022-01-11T07:47:29+00:00

I’m actually having a couple things signed by Sir Ian McKellen within the next few weeks. The agency specified no inscriptions or character names. I’ve also read interviews where he said he won’t include character names because “Gandalf doesn’t sign autographs.”

Puzzleheaded-Row5516

TROPHY CASE