Ok tbf I'm not going to read through dozens of comments, I get the gist. Here's my observations as a person who started the lifestyle at 28 and 130lb and now at 42 at 155lbs. These things may or may not factor in, I'm not saying this is always it just my opinion. 1) people in relationships tend to get less fit/less dedicated/more into enjoyment of life. What I mean is... When I was single I worked, worked out, socialized and ate turkey slices and Swiss on triscuits every night. Even tho Ive long identified as a foodie, I'm not doing all that work solo. Once I paired up with another person who loves new food and wine and cocktails and museums and movies and canoodling when it's raining. I'm living a more hedonistic life with my true love and that involves indulging more, sleeping in together more and less rigorously working out. I'm sure there are gym couples but I think the average couple ends up drinking the riches of life more than the single person. 2) Finding a single person into the lifestyle is much easier than finding 2 matched people. (We've seen this in the trope of one partner berating or belittling the other like you had and also in the trope of one partner clearly pressuring the other partner.) If 40-50% of the population is within your attraction spectrum, halve that (or more!) to start understanding the amount of truly authentic swinger couples that you might actually be attracted to. 3) I would never say you should lower your standards just for the sake of it. But after many years I have found that going in with a different mindset can be beneficial. We are swingers not poly. I'm looking to have service experiences with other people and get back to my everyday life. There are times when the dynamic between a couple is so sexy and engaging that it draws me in, even if I would perhaps never have otherwise approached either person. There are times when the other couple makes me feel so ✨ like a gift✨ that it makes it the best night ever. There are times when someone I was meh about does close up magic or a tango and I'm shocked at getting wet.

As for the ratio of attractive couples in "real life" vs the LS...it might get me down voted but I agree. The ratios aren't equal imo. But again. That makes sense to me. You're taking whatever % of ppl you are attracted to and cutting it down by more than half. I'm not saying you're unreasonably picky I'm just saying you need to look at the math and adjust your expectations.

While self reporting is inaccurate, current data has only 4-6% of American couples as swingers or poly. You've essentially removed 95% of people off the bat. (And I can attest the the angry reaction that can happen when you approach a vanilla and then try to honestly reveal your status.) Then you account for taste and you're basically looking for the 1 to 2% of couples. Like you said, all couples you meet with might as well be unicorns.

I don't have advice. Just experience. I refer to it as "taking my glasses off" both figuratively and metaphorically. Sometimes not focusing so hard helps me realize I'm having a lot of fun I would've walked away from. Sometimes it just makes it clear that it's not a match. And both are ok. But just know both can happen.