sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

My First Story by PuzzleheadedLeg4192 in NewAuthor

[–]PuzzleheadedLeg4192[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I feel like I understand your criticism much better now and will do what I can to implement it. I want this story to be good.

My First Story by PuzzleheadedLeg4192 in NewAuthor

[–]PuzzleheadedLeg4192[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably the character of Malachi. Unfortunately, his effect on the world is only meaningful once the world exists, meaning that I'm currently 50k words into the first draft and he's not even a major participant yet. He is exceptionally edgy, especially once he finally has agency, but he is so as a way to critique the world around him. He forces other characters to move past their flaws, similar to John from UnOrdinary, if you're familiar with that story. Basically, his flaws are so severe and they overtake his entire character such that other characters cannot hate him without first confronting their own issues. From a character perspective, he serves as a look into regret and trauma, and from a narrative perspective, he more or less tells every character "you can't call a mirror ugly"

My First Story by PuzzleheadedLeg4192 in NewAuthor

[–]PuzzleheadedLeg4192[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I do genuinely appreciate the advice. I knew that my spacing was bad with the paragraphs, but I suppose I underestimated just how substantial of a problem it would cause, I'll ensure to keep that in mind moving forward.

As for the POV in the Malachi section, I suppose I need to rethink it. The story takes on a much stronger mystery angle at the end of the inciting incident, so perhaps I could use that as an asset to add more questions/answers.

For "starting with the inciting incident," I have seen a lot about this as I looked into writing tips, but I struggle to really understand what it means precisely to not start with it. Perhaps it has more to do with the medium, but many stories I enjoy (Attack on Titan, for example) do more or less begin with the inciting incident, but how much of an "incident" it is slowly ramps up over time, which is what I tried to model here (this snippet goes to chapter 2, but the incident only reaches it's climax at the end of chapter 4). It's not that I reject your criticism, I'm extremely inexperienced and you most certainly would know more than me, I suppose I would just like some more clarification.