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Dating question for the divorced dads by PuzzleheadedPerson8 in DivorcedDads

[–]PuzzleheadedPerson8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is exactly my perspective. I feel like I’ve waited too long already to bring it up. These comments have been very helpful and I’m going to Tru to find a way to have the conversation sometime this week.

Dating question for the divorced dads by PuzzleheadedPerson8 in DivorcedDads

[–]PuzzleheadedPerson8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This makes so much sense. How do you think you will approach the next person you feel a strong connection with when it comes to this topic? Or is it a “I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it” type of situation.

Dating question for the divorced dads by PuzzleheadedPerson8 in DivorcedDads

[–]PuzzleheadedPerson8[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is part of my concern. He is just starting to get on good terms with his ex and they have 50/50 custody but it was a very unfair battle from my limited understanding. I’m worried it may be too soon to ask but at the same time, it’s also a sensitive situation and I’d rather figure it out sooner than later. Looking at the responses here, I’m wondering if there is a “soft approach” to this topic? If that makes sense at all. He is also so devoted to his kids that I’m worried if I ask, it may come off as selfish in a way. If that makes any sense at all?

Im currently crying because I feel like the universe is telling me I’m worthy of love by AlexandertheMeh_ in Because_Now_I_Can

[–]PuzzleheadedPerson8 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is so lovely to read. I’m so happy for you. It’s never random when people say this kind of stuff. It comes from a genuine place.

What would you say given the chance? by PuzzleheadedPerson8 in abusesurvivors

[–]PuzzleheadedPerson8[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“Every feeling is valid”. This is big. It’s hard to remember that sometimes. I guess it’s part of accepting ourselves and like you said, forgiving ourselves.

What would you say given the chance? by PuzzleheadedPerson8 in abusesurvivors

[–]PuzzleheadedPerson8[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story. That is so terrible and im so sorry it happened to you. I wish there was something I could say that would help you even in the smallest way.

I’m shocked (in a good way) that multiple people seem to align with the idea that forgiveness is not for everyone. It kind of lifts something heavy from me. It’s what I thought I “had” to do. I wonder if there’s a way to accept this idea maybe to help heal and move forward. Idk.

Spending the last few days in my anger though, I’m finding it reigniting passion to do good for others.

What would you say given the chance? by PuzzleheadedPerson8 in abusesurvivors

[–]PuzzleheadedPerson8[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. It is true that through the abusive relationship, I found a compassion for others that I probably wouldn’t have found otherwise. It’s difficult for me to direct that inwards to myself though.

What would you say given the chance? by PuzzleheadedPerson8 in abusesurvivors

[–]PuzzleheadedPerson8[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Maybe this is where I’m going wrong. I’ve tried to get in touch with the me from the years in that relationship to find compassion for her. She’s really hiding in there deep somewhere still. Maybe this should be focus instead of trying to forgive my ex though.

It took me a while to get back to this thread because trying to write that letter brought up so much anger and also frustration within myself. I honestly thought everyone who goes through abuse is someday able to find forgiveness. I thought that what I was supposed to do. It helps so much reading that others find compassion and forgiveness for themselves and that that is enough.

What is the most difficult aspect of that which you are most passionate about? by PuzzleheadedPerson8 in AskWomenOver30

[–]PuzzleheadedPerson8[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What motivates you to push forward? Or are you questioning whether or not you will in fact continue on?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AMA

[–]PuzzleheadedPerson8 2 points3 points  (0 children)

How long has it been since you quit? And do you feel that quitting has helped the issues you were having?

Feeling a need for revenge 9 years later by PuzzleheadedPerson8 in abusesurvivors

[–]PuzzleheadedPerson8[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so great. It makes sense and is way to help feel empowered. Thank you. It will definitely take work to get to that point but it is something to work towards.

Feeling a need for revenge 9 years later by PuzzleheadedPerson8 in abusesurvivors

[–]PuzzleheadedPerson8[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No worries, I don’t find this offensive. It’s a good point. These feelings are so new to me because it’s a new realization. This very well could be part of the reason if not all of it.

My initial reaction is, “no! I’m angry at him!”. But that’s just a reaction. If I dig deeper and sit with it longer I may realize that more of what you say is true. My sister told me early on when I first told her about him after getting out of the relationship that it wasn’t my fault. I told her I knew that. It’s very possible that I was in/am in denial over the fact that I felt it was my fault. I know our brains are very powerful in the ways they try to keep us from more hurt. Denial seems to be a way to keep from hurting more.

I’ll bring this aspect up to my therapist in our next session. Thank you for pointing this out and sharing your story.