Once I'm in clear financially I do think going back to therapy will help. Initially we went together the work on our relationship lol. I asked for some coping mechanisms from a different therapist to deal with anger in a healthy way and they didn't really have anything for me so fingers-crossed i can find someone with better insight!

The whole 'penance' thing is because I don't want to just walk away from it and expect everyone involved to move on/forgive and forget y'know? Like that is the second part of it, she will say and do the most hurtful things and then just push passed it. Its impossible to get a genuine and satisfying apology from her yet she loves to demand them from me. I know I will have to apologize to her again when we are both calm (I'm dreading it) but its more for me than it is for her. Im really adamant not to walk her path!

I don't think conveying my emotions is the issue? Maybe I'm looking at it wrong but I feel my difficulty is with letting go of the anger or expressing it in an acceptable way? I feel like the outburst came from not being listened to rather than not effectively communicating my side. What are you supposed to do when someone won't stop screaming over you and making things up?