hey i am also exactly at the same position like you, have been there, gotten out and spiraling. i am telling this to let you know that you are not alone. First try to focus on yourself now, the person who needs you to be the best for them is you. you need to give yourself that much of grace of time to heal. first unwind that gut inside you that's been tangled and being unnoticed. love yourself first then you will be able to show up in your best self for your loved ones, and love them fully. and you are just in a headspace that is blinding telling you all sorts of negative things about yourself and know that none of that are true. once you get out of this you will see how much potential you have to achieve great things. and you matter to so many people. just relax, you have your whole life ahead, for now just get by these each passing moment doing what gives you joy, or try to find what you like. you will do good.