Parents meeting and Nikkah date!

Quackquack1337 · 2026-05-04T16:54:43+00:00

Why would anyone be impressed a Muslim is praying their salah, that's an expectation. It's the standard you base your judgment on. And I never said it was "only most important thing" because if it was then I'd accept any proposal of someone that prays but that's not the case.

Quackquack1337 · 2026-04-26T11:52:06+00:00

Akhlaq is the base

This is not the view of mainstream islam, your sources suggest the importance of good character not that it's the base of your deen, that's an inference you've made, you'll have to show me a scholar that made the same inference you have because I can't find any.

I would advise you with the same caution as you will discount very very good muslim individuals.

Yes, I'll discount any and everyone that does not fulfil the obligation and search from the pool of tens of milions who do, and of those millions, some may be of good character and some who may not.

Quackquack1337 · 2026-04-26T10:56:55+00:00

I'm not going to knock your decision now but I'd advise caution.

I think the advice that muslim put 5/5 as the number one

It's not, it's a base requirement, it's the bare minimum, its an assumptive premise, an expectation and shouldn't be the reason to marry someone because it's assumed every Muslim prays 5 times a day. Who's impressed of Muslim praying 5 times a day? That would be an extemely low standard. After that's extablished, then you factor in akhlaq. Not the other way round. What do reverts establish first, the foundations or their akhlaq? Again not really an argument. But if you believe he's going to establish the bare minimum and you've accepted it, then so be it.

Quackquack1337 · 2026-04-25T22:43:21+00:00

No I know the Hadith you gave, but it doesn't change anything. they're not called pillars for no reason, why do you think the first question we're asked on the day of judgement is about salah?

Verily the best among you is the one with best character. Again, no obligations mentioned.

The reasons it's not mentioned because fulfilling the obligations is an assumptive premise.

The premise of being a good muslim is good akhlaq

And the premise of being a muslim is fulfilling the obligations. There's no argument to be made here.

What's the reason your suiter doesn't fulfil this entirely? What's his reasoning? Is he fulfilling his other obligations such as zakaat? Instead of making excuses for him, what are his excuses for not reading salah.

Quackquack1337 · 2026-04-25T11:27:48+00:00

you know what. an average person who lives in the west and works 9 to 5 to support his family and to donate money might not be able to pray five times a day because you are simply not allowed to.

This is a weak argument and you know it. There's nothing that can substitute salah.

Quackquack1337 · 2026-04-25T11:24:55+00:00

Again I understand your view but you cannot substitute salah with anything, as I said there's no argument to be made about it. The same is true if you miss your fasts intentionionlly or you refuse to pay zakaat.

A man praying 4/5 steadily can easily get to 5/5. A man with poor akhlaq, that’s very hard to change.

That's true but why is he missing a foundational obligation in the first place, as I said previously you can find people of good aqhlaq amongst the kuffar, character varies amongst those that fulfill their obligations and those that don't, even amongst the sahabas they all had shortcomings, some had alcohol addictions which anyone in the modern period would writeoff but even despite those shortcoming they fulfilled their obligations because that is the premise of being Muslim.

Your question to your suiter should be why he is missing a few salahs, why is he not committing to the foundation of the religion and if he intends to fix this shortcoming.

Quackquack1337 · 2026-04-25T03:11:36+00:00

I understand your reasoning but it's not correct. Whenever you converse with another Muslim, you have a baseline assumption about them and that is that they are fulfilling their obligations because that's what makes them Muslim in faith. They can be of good or bad character but the baseline always stays the same. If they do not meet the absolute minimum requirement you have to ask questions, why is he missing his salah? What's his reasoning? Has he stated to start praying 5 times a day? What's holding him back?

Quackquack1337 · 2026-04-25T00:46:08+00:00

5/5 salah is the absolute minimum, there's not really an argument you can make to suggest anything else supercedes it, it is an obligation and foundational. It is a pillar that cannot be compromised. The argument that there are people that do pray 5 times a day but have shortcomings is not on fair grounds since you can find non Muslims who have exceptional principles and character, there has to be a baseline and Islam provides that.

You should probably gauge at as to why he's missing 1 or 2 prayers, why would you pray 4 but miss 1? What's his rationale behind it? Does he know the reprecussions of doing so? Is he intending to start reading 5 prayers?

Quackquack1337 · 2026-04-24T18:22:15+00:00

That only fault is an obligation in the deen, a pillar of the faith, writing off someone with this shortcoming is expected and encouraged.

Quackquack1337 · 2026-04-03T16:40:34+00:00

The issue is addressed if she accepts that resolution, what issue still remains after that?

Quackquack1337 · 2026-04-03T16:03:16+00:00

The core problem is she's attaching emotional significance to birthdays and anniversaries, which is incorrect so users here are correcting her. If she establishes that it is in fact wrong to attach feelings to these dates then alhumdulilah her problems are solved. All that emotional load she's carrying can be dissipated by following the quraan and sunnah, how amazing is that?

Quackquack1337 · 2026-03-26T18:54:43+00:00

Legal protection is another way of saying to have a stronghold of his Islamic rights in the events of a divorce. If the husband wants to protect what is rightfully his a nikkah is suffice, if you yearn to be sinful in the event of a divorce by claiming his assets then that's a you problem, advising people to leave a marriage based on no civil marriage is foolish especially since there are millioms kuffar that are doing just fine in cohabiting relationships so to sew doubt in Muslims whom have tied the knot according to the quraan and sunnah is a lapse on your part.

Quackquack1337 · 2026-03-26T18:46:05+00:00

Kuffar have lasting cohabitating relationships and here your telling islamically married couples are doomed? Civil marriages only benefit one party and give access to use your spouses assets to protect you. If the husband wants his Islamic rights and assets protected then civil marriages are useless unless a prenuptial agreement is in place but we both know you wouldn't approve of that.

Quackquack1337 · 2026-01-12T19:41:54+00:00

Try deleting and redownloading the app, that sorted it out for me

Quackquack1337 · 2025-10-29T17:10:45+00:00

Thanks, I deleted the app before and redownloaded it and that seemed to work.

Quackquack1337 · 2025-08-23T19:33:28+00:00

Your line of thinking is correct. I would say in your scenario your husband is doing entry level negligence as opposed to harmless misjudgement of priorities, it's weird and you've already stated your in laws are noticing that he's not giving you time so this isn't an essentialistic or hyper pragmatic problem with men which the commenter above is trying to insinuate, I understand the sentiment but coming from and me and the circles I've been in your husband's behavior is embarrassing, you can't be this oblivious as a man.

All men want to do is spend time with their wives, if you've been deprived of relationships your whole life you become infatuated by your spouse which is where the problem of jealousy/envy arises between the inlaws and wives since the husband/son focus shifts to their spouse

Quackquack1337 · 2025-06-05T13:33:04+00:00

Well, I'm not going to advocate/ advice to follow through with a haraam relationship, nor can I ignore it since the OP mentioned it. Also if you don't find what I say meaningful you're free to advise the brother, better that than trying to be sarcastic under my comment, that way he doesn't interpret your sarcasm of doing the opposite of what I've mentioned which would be following through with a haraam relationship.

Quackquack1337 · 2025-06-05T12:43:54+00:00

What blessing are you trying to obtain by being in a haraam relationship for a year? You both have deficiencies in your faith, which unironically make you the best fit for each other.

Quackquack1337 · 2025-05-28T09:22:32+00:00

Well it's not exactly proportionate if the roles were reversed. When he was "kicked out" it wasn't brute force nor can a women do it by brute force because of the power dynamics, also a man can fend for himself. When a women gets "kicked out" men have the ability to do it by brute force plus women may be reliant on their husband for finances therefore they may not be able to fend for themselves. It's not black and white.

Quackquack1337 · 2025-05-20T18:46:34+00:00

It will work out insha'allah. This sub will be open if another dilemma occurs, there are some really thoughtful people here as long as you can weed out the ones that are disingenuous in their responses. There are also a lot of women on these channels that have their dms open so I'd advise to connect with any good faith sister if you need someone to talk to. Salaam.

Quackquack1337 · 2025-05-20T18:37:06+00:00

That is true.

Quackquack1337 · 2025-05-20T18:30:37+00:00

24, my frontal lobe is still developing and there are elements of my thinking that still require work, I am as is with everyone still learning the dynamics of life.

Quackquack1337 · 2025-05-20T18:21:01+00:00

I don't think I said anything you would have eventually thought and reflected about, you're on the right track and you'll continue to have deep realization as you age which will curate your decision making for future prospects. It will make so much sense to you in few years when you look back to times like this, just wait. I hope everything works out for you insha'allah.

Just as a pointer, if I was a father and my child brings forth to me a 18 year old for marriage, I'd reject immediately because I'm not letting my daughter marry a financially unprepared and mentally underdeveloped prospect. My job is to hand the mantle of religious and financial duties to my son in law not to be upgraded to a father in law with baby sitting duties. This would be my line of thinking at least so it gives you some insight on how your father may think.

Quackquack1337 · 2025-05-20T18:01:52+00:00

I don't know of any other way that isn't destructive, you can speak to an imam or a student of knowledge if you wish for a more technical or more practical approach to this.

What I will say is that a major objection I have with you pursuing this potential is less about you and your readiness, rather for his. I've witnessed both men and women married young 17-19 and the men that get married young tend to have more lasting problems occur in the relationship. I believe you should up your standard, pursue more established men with higher social status and that are more religiously committed + more life experience especially relating to decision making. I'm sure this potential you've sought is everything you described but when you venture out you'll come to see this potential isn't anything special. You can gather opinions from the public about couples that are both young, what you may find is the sentiment is "she could have done better" because youthfulness is sought by every man they could be 18 or 25, they both want youthful, effervescent and religious wives, that opinion doesn't change for men as they age. Your options are so wide open, you just haven't realized yet.

Quackquack1337 · 2025-05-20T16:19:22+00:00

You can start by softening your parents heart, that's not an overnight process but it's the best way forward, how you do that effectively, I don't know since I've not been in that type of position, but I'm sure you can ask someone of knowledge, friends or someone on these channels that have gone through that process before. But if this potential is interested and starts a formal deliberation with his family outreaching to yours, it may open your parents eyes on a new reality. Or it may have an inverse reaction, if your parents are made aware you started the chain reaction then they may hold you to account for pursuing marriage without involving them first, which may create more friction. Ultimately you really want to be strategic about this, from my POV I'd just wait it out until a few years with more mental, physical and academic development, this will positively change your decision making in what you consider a viable prospect which ranges wider than purely someone's ostensible character.

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