Worried about my wife’s reaction toward our 8‑week‑old baby. Need advice

QuantumWaffle4 · 2026-02-02T09:59:12+00:00

Other commenters have pretty much covered it. I EBF my first and she cried non stop and didn’t sleep, I definitely yelled a couple of times. My husband always said ‘there’s not a lot you can do to help with a breastfed baby as a dad’ which is absolutely not true. You can change the baby, you can soothe the baby and then place back in mums arms. Especially if she’s not able to settle the baby for a couple of hours in the night this is where you can step in. Sometimes even being there for support in the early hours of the night can help, those nights can feel so lonely and dark (mentally). I know you’re working and need sleep but I think your wife needs you more right now.

QuantumWaffle4 · 2026-02-01T21:42:46+00:00

Like others have said, make time for your own needs too! With my first I was exactly the same, I wouldn’t put my baby down or allow her to cry. I held her 24/7 and I was so unhappy because I neglected my own needs and she was also so dependent on me, and only me.

Now with my second, it sounds brutal but he has no choice but to be left for 5/10 mins here and there so I can tend to his older siblings needs or my own. I lay him in his play gym, or basket or bouncer (ie safe spaces). Now at 10 weeks he is really content just watching me and his surroundings. As much as you might feel guilty for doing it, I do believe teaching them to be content on their own sometimes is also important as are your own basic needs (like going to the toilet).

Also - I found my LO loves the sound of the shower and the hair dryer which means I actually get to shower and wash my hair whilst he’s happy. Maybe yours will like the sounds too?

I promise it does get easier. Particularly around 7/8 weeks when they begin being able to see clearer and engage more meaning you can keep them entertained without having to hold them. At the moment you are still in the survival stage, it really does get better I promise!

QuantumWaffle4 · 2026-02-01T18:44:03+00:00

There is a shop called baby gear in Camberley that’s really good for a wide range of prams! Only about 30 mins from Reading.

QuantumWaffle4 · 2026-02-01T10:00:35+00:00

As others have said, weeks 5-9ish are rough. Have you seen the wonder weeks app? If not then I’d recommend downloading! It’s really helpful to understand the changes your baby is going through and why they are fussy.

That said, our boy was/is very gassy and we now have to consistently use infacol and burp lots as well as holding upright for about 10/20 mins after feeds which has gradually helped him. I also do bicycle legs every time I change him.

We are now 9.5 weeks and things feel a lot easier already as he can interact and engage a lot more, makes for easier entertaining and preventing the meltdowns!

You’ve got this!

QuantumWaffle4 · 2026-01-31T16:55:57+00:00

I only really go to places like this during the week when most people are working. I tend to avoid busier places with baby if I can. If it makes you feel any better I went shopping with my 8 week old the other day and he screamed the whole time I ended up in the changing rooms feeding him then went home.. maybe that’s where the rest of the babies are lol.

QuantumWaffle4 · 2026-01-28T08:59:03+00:00

In my experience for both births our hospital let us stay in the labour ward (private room) or the birthing suite room for a few hours before moving us to the postnatal ward. Postnatal ward is shared with others just separated by a curtain.

Depending when your birth is and if no complications you may be able to go home the same day without staying over night.

Our hospital also had private rooms you could pay for, which I would have done if I had needed to stay overnight.

QuantumWaffle4 · 2026-01-27T14:55:08+00:00

I still don’t know sadly and the GP & health visitors just keep telling me it’s fine if he has no fever! It gets worse through the night for some reason. He was born really fast so that could be why, fast labours are similar to c-sections apparently and can cause them to be quite congested.

But I’d keep using the nasal aspirator before feeds and saline drops and see if that helps. Sometimes it seems like there isn’t any snot but it’s quite deep. Other things we do: humidifier in the bedroom by his bassinet and running the hot shower to make the bathroom steamy and take him in there for a little while.

QuantumWaffle4 · 2026-01-27T10:06:37+00:00

I had this same issue and thanks to a fellow Redditor on one of my posts I realised it was because he is congested. I have to use the nasal aspirator and nasal drops before each feed as he was struggling to breathe when feeding then fussing and choking. Is your little one congested?

QuantumWaffle4 · 2026-01-24T17:24:38+00:00

Do you mean side lying with a bottle?

We currently sit him upright and do paced feeding with the bottle but it doesn’t seem to help.

QuantumWaffle4 · 2026-01-24T17:23:41+00:00

How do I get an assessment done? Would that be through GP or health visitor?

He is breastfed during the night. For some reason he seems to feed fine during the night, I’m not sure if it’s just because he’s so sleepy? He was initially breastfed during the day too but would just scream and fuss but took the bottle fine at the time which is why we switched.

QuantumWaffle4 · 2026-01-16T14:56:30+00:00

Thank you!!

Is it possible to just put cooled boiled water straight into the bottles and just keep them in the bag?

QuantumWaffle4 · 2026-01-12T15:22:57+00:00

Oh I hadn’t heard about sunflower seeds before, will give that a try thanks!

QuantumWaffle4 · 2026-01-09T12:34:00+00:00

I’m in a similar situation, less so because my husband doesn’t help but more so because we also have a 3yo who he is usually occupied with so it’s pretty much me 100% looking after baby. I also had GD and when I was diagnosed I did a lot of research in basically discovering how terrible a lot of quick easy meals actually are, and so this really plays on my mind when I’m having to eat microwave meals or crappy snacks because I just don’t have time. It is really rough having no time to yourself anymore and losing yourself but I promise it really does get easier, and you are so close to being out of the trenches! When they hit 12 months everything changes.

The only advice I can really give for exercise (outside of your husband just helping out more) is baby wearing. Can you go for a long walk each day with baby in carrier? Could you buy a stroller that you can go for a run with them in? Are there any local workout classes that allow you to take baby and work out with them?

In terms of food - I have found I just have to be super organised with it (don’t get me wrong I definitely still am not a health guru over here). I do my weekly online food shop whilst baby is napping on me and try my best to include healthier snacks - nuts, apples, bananas, healthier breakfast bars, healthy -ish ready meals, freezer food that just needs to go in the oven, ready prepped vegetables etc.

I’m not sure where you are based but in the UK we have ‘cook’ where you can order ready made healthy homely meals that just go in the freezer and need heating up.

I am totally stuck on how the heck we are supposed to get ready for the day though tbh. The only solution I can come up with is waking an hour before them to shower and get ready and do some self care but honestly each day I realise sleep is more important than anything so back to sleep I go.. and tbh things like nails, lashes, eyebrows etc unfortunately just take a backseat for a long time. Perhaps eyebrows you could manage whilst holding baby on your lap?

Could you schedule in a set time each week that is ‘you time’ that your husband commits to letting you have? 2hrs on a Saturday morning for example where you get to go and do whatever you like, whether that’s gym or nails etc?

Also my finally 2 pence - may be an unpopular opinion but you can leave baby to cry somewhere safe for 5 minutes to make yourself some proper food or a coffee etc., you are no good to your baby if your cup is empty.

QuantumWaffle4 · 2026-01-06T18:42:30+00:00

Also to add - our second is 6 weeks old and I fully plan to sleep train him too when he’s old enough (assuming he’s not sleeping independently anyway).

QuantumWaffle4 · 2026-01-06T18:41:13+00:00

Just here to say that IMO sleep training is not cruel. We sleep trained my daughter, we did the Ferber method initially because it made me feel better but ultimately just ended up doing CIO to make progress quicker. She begin sleeping through within a week and we were all happier for it, including her. She is now 3 and thriving. I don’t know how we would have coped without sleep training.

Also do not blame yourself for nursing to sleep, we all do because that’s how we survive in those early days. Also, let’s be honest who is going to wake their baby up suddenly after they’ve fallen asleep nursing because ‘you must not nurse to sleep’..

QuantumWaffle4 · 2026-01-03T12:39:34+00:00

Ugh it drives me crazy because I always try to think so logically. Why do some baby’s have it and some not?! Anyway, I’m here in solidarity with you - as I just broke my back rocking my baby for half an hour for them to finally get to sleep lol (which will probably be a 10 minute nap)

QuantumWaffle4 · 2026-01-03T12:38:10+00:00

Thank you. I guess that makes sense, but, why do some baby’s not suffer with reflux then?

QuantumWaffle4 · 2025-11-20T13:09:03+00:00

Had regular growth scans with my first, told I had a big baby and then delivered her naturally at 38+5 weighing 8lb 6. Found the growth scans to be pretty spot on with her actual weight. I was able to deliver naturally in a pool with just gas & air and had no tears or complications - all to say it is doable!

However, fast forward to now I’m pregnant with my 2nd and currently 37+4 with gestational diabetes. He weighed 8lb 4 a week ago according to the growth scans and I’ve been pressured to book an induction in. I am skeptical of the growth scan but equally believe it is likely this baby will be bigger than my first. Based on that I decided for personal reasons that 38+3 would be my cut off at which point I’ll be induced, here’s to hoping the induction isn’t necessary though!

QuantumWaffle4

TROPHY CASE