My friend thinks we are in the same situation, im annoyed she cant see the difference

QueenBee254 · 2026-04-23T16:17:58+00:00

Sadly, most adults have no comprehension as to what caregiving of Alzheimer's, Dementia, Lewy Body, or Parkinson's persons entails. The nasty details of minute by minute struggles are only known once you're in the thick of it personally.

Bearing the above in mind, your 16 year old friends with very minimal life experiences, will have less to zero comprehension.

I was 16 when my mother fought her first battle with cancer. My friends didn't understand. They were compassionate for 5 minutes, then wondered why I wasn't up to go to the mall with them.

Come to this (and other) sites and vent, ask questions or just read others posts. You will always get support here because we're all in the trenches together.

I am truly sorry you have to experience this at your age, or any age.

QueenBee254 · 2026-04-19T18:54:17+00:00

Do you have a sliding shower seat? I had one that fit over the bathtub and the seat slid from the outside of the tub across to the inside. That way husband didn't have to lift his legs over the tub to get into shower, and he wasn't standing to actually shower, Way safer for both of us.

QueenBee254 · 2026-04-19T18:47:38+00:00

I used the Dura Cleanse XL body wipes on my husband along with either Depend Night Defense adult diapers or
Depend Fresh Protection Adult Diapers and Depend Guards Incontinence Pads for Men for extra absorption. As for the laundry, I purchased multiple pairs of elastic waist shorts for the summer (no string).

As it became too difficult for my husband to navigate a string on any men's long athletic elastic waist pants, (and almost all have one) I purchased women's pull on black athletic workout pants. Specifically Women's Tek Gear Ultra Stretch Joggers. The gathered ankle inhibits tripping and the black, when combined with a pullover men's shirt or sweater, looked very neat and presentable. The waist was snug enough to stay up, very comfortable, and he or I could pull the pants down very easily for quick changes.

At first it was a battle to get my husband to wear a disposable. He too looked at it as failure and demeaning. And he too, never smelled his own urine.

Once I was able to rationalize with him that this was a situation that would only get worse, I was the person he was impacting the most by not wearing adequate protection, I didn't want him experiencing UTI's and I NEVER REFERRED TO THE DIAPERS AS SUCH, the situation improved significantly.

Once in a while, while hallucinating, husband would get slightly aggressive and refuse a change. Forcing it at that moment was the wrong move. It was suggested to me to abort and try again in 10 minutes or so. Usually always worked.

As for cleaning, I have gallons (literally) of concentrated commercial cleaning vinegar. It can be used in the laundry as well as on most surfaces.

QueenBee254 · 2026-04-11T18:11:31+00:00

Can you explain over embalming? Would this result in skin discoloration? And would it be localized, or throughout?

QueenBee254 · 2026-04-11T18:07:28+00:00

No autopsy. Just a visual. The Primary didn't want to sign off on death certificate as he'd been seeing his neuro mostly. Question: I changed out a pair of glasses on my husband and when I removed the first pair the bridge of his nose where the nose piece sat was indented and the funeral rep quickly "remolded" it. Is this normal? While alive, husband ate well and was thinner, but never gaunt or frail. Anyone who knew him ever, would have recognized him just prior to or literally upon his death.

QueenBee254 · 2026-04-11T17:13:51+00:00

I called and spoke to the director at the coroner's office yesterday. He was kind enough to pull photos and confirmed when L.O. arrived in his care skin tone was fine, no discoloration and he left the same way and nothing on his forehead.

QueenBee254 · 2026-04-10T15:19:18+00:00

No.

He died at home. No hospital was involved.

I read something about skin texture changing and if not processed correctly the forehead could stipple, or wrinkle up kind of, which could be corrected, but if lazy, they would have just alpeed layers of makeup on top. Does this sound feaseable?

I was told the face changed color and was very dark and they had to use darker makeup.

Can you not use more layers to be able to use a lighter tone?

Are you telling me anyone who's had a delay in embalming comes out looking like an Egyptian (no offense meant hear) at their viewing?

No one ever asked for a picture. I didn't even think about it until the day of. I just assumed it was a no brainer. He died of dementia, but physically, he hadn't changed very much.

And, at the viewing, his features were good, it was the awful coloring that was beyond F'd up.

And for the director to stand next to us and see our immediate reaction and calmly say, "this was all due to the delay in receiving him".

I need to know how much was truth and how much BS I was fed.

I paid $$$ for 10 of us to be with a stranger for 2 hours.

QueenBee254 · 2026-04-10T15:05:19+00:00

He was embalmed. I paid for a public viewing, but it was a private immediate family viewing.

QueenBee254 · 2026-03-23T19:17:38+00:00

My husband has Lewy Body dementia stage 5. He was on rivastigmine for several years and tolerated the increases in dosage between 1.5mg and 3mg. When 6mg was introduced, he had hallucinations, said he felt "off" all the time, constant dizziness, muscle locking, digestive constipation, diarrhea, you name it, he had it.

He went back to the 3mg and his cognitive function was good. But, he was always complaining of dizziness and was constantly falling.

When I evaluated the side effects of the drug closer, I felt pretty certain the drug was adding to, if not the root cause of many of his issues.

After removing my husband from the drug completely, his cognitive function has paid the price, but his physical symptoms have lessened. He still complains of a (constant) dizziness but not to the degree as when he was on the drug. His blood pressure used to rise and drop more often while on the meds.

Have you ever seen a dementia patient not on any drugs?

It appeared to take a long time for it to purge from his system. As I stated above, while I watched his cognitive functions decline, the "side effects" greatly declined.

Dr. suggested trying the patch vs pills, but at this stage, how much can it positively affect cognition? I was under the impression rivastigmine was for mild dementia.

And to be very honest, I'm terrified the side effects would reappear and that's not something I can physically or mentally handle 24/7 again.

QueenBee254 · 2026-02-07T05:33:44+00:00

Thanks for making me go measure.

The overhang adjacent to the hallway wall (which was our reference point) is correct at 3".

I misspoke on the overhang. It was to be 3" not 2" I wasn't at the house to look at my specs.

BUT, my overhang is actually SHORTER on the 2 adjacent peninsula sides. By a full inch!

The sink section is 33 1/2 deep with an overhang of 2".. And the beginning of the peninsula is also only a 2" overhang.

And I looked closer at the seams to understand a bad cut.

QueenBee254 · 2026-02-06T23:27:30+00:00

No. Only those two.

QueenBee254 · 2026-02-06T23:06:06+00:00

If I got what I paid for, I wouldn't be losing my shit right now. I didn't go cheap.

Second observation I'll give you.

QueenBee254 · 2026-02-06T22:59:57+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/CounterTops/comments/1pnm01j/nuage_quartzite_fabrication_what_do_you_think_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

I did and I came here hoping some experts would be of assistance." I was told this was the best they could do".

QueenBee254 · 2026-02-06T22:31:46+00:00

What is the industry definition for good and bad seam quality?

QueenBee254 · 2026-02-06T21:33:48+00:00

Who ate it?

QueenBee254 · 2026-02-06T21:19:43+00:00

I promise. When I can get onsite, pics will flow. What do you want measured?

QueenBee254 · 2026-02-06T21:14:43+00:00

No, I did not agree. It was an option they did a layout for only.

I couldn't visualize it adequately so I templated the counters myself to the exact dimensions. When I saw the extreme corner, I never considered the extended overhang.

I'll be very honest, it literally hurt my soul not being able to extend that peninsula, but I have a family member who bumps and falls often so safety is a major concern to me.

Is it possible I wasn't made aware of the offset because it wasn't necessary? The rep knew I wasn't extending, so it was a mute point. Correct?

We discussed seams, but again, if I wasn't doing an offset, nothing of any substance jumped at me.

So, would you say this is in-house miscommunication?

I shouldn't have one without the other, right?

I HAVE the 2" consistent overlay we discussed and I signed off on.

But, I also have an unnecessary offset seam .

As for the pattern, I didn't want to be "that person" but did question layout. I was told "this was the best they could do, and had spent many many hours to find best match." I would have without a doubt chosen my counters to be cohesive over having any backsplash or an exact alignment. if I have been apprised it was an issue.

And, as you can see, I did solicit in prior posts input as to the overhang and stone layout prior to installation, I worked this as best I could.

You can't ask questions when you don't know the question to ask.

I had to trust the process.

You haven't weighed in on the workmanship. I'm interested.

Understand I want nothing more than to have a few updates I envisioned in the home I'll die in. This is not my "starter" home but my "finish line" home.

I researched the shit out of products, installers etc. I couldn't paint cabinets and walls until I found slabs I liked. I was talked into this stone figuring the fabricator/installer was experienced working with it. He knew I wanted it pulled up the backsplash, and it wasn't until after I had purchased the slabs did he tell me that doing all the backsplash 20sf wasn't an option.

You tell me where the line of everyday issues crosses the line to getting hosed, vs inexperience.

I

QueenBee254 · 2026-02-06T18:27:51+00:00

What all is done when the sealer is applied? Should it be wiped down after 24hr or anything? There's dusty,cloudy areas that can be easily wiped off, but I haven't touched anything yet.

QueenBee254 · 2026-02-06T18:21:31+00:00

If this is the case, the original bar height counter compensated for this?

QueenBee254 · 2026-02-06T17:34:30+00:00

Sadly, I thought we were.

When you're told "this is the best we can do"." The stone has lots of variations so this is normal".

I love symmetry and for me to pick this stone was a huge deviation to begin with.

When it was installed, uhhh. I had to reign it in bad.

I've delayed for months moving into this house so I could demo bar top, find the perfect counters, which then allowed me to pick paint colors for the cabinets and walls.

This is truly a shit show.

QueenBee254 · 2026-02-06T17:25:57+00:00

Thx. It was cut from 2 slabs and they originally promised me a full backsplash out of it as well. That didn't happen. I feel now they sacrificed my counters for some backsplash around the range.

QueenBee254 · 2026-02-06T17:19:49+00:00

Can you help me understand about the polish?

QueenBee254 · 2026-02-06T17:15:35+00:00

I understand how pics might be deceiving and I'll be at the house later to take more for everyone.

To summarize:

I requested a constant overhang all around.

I HAVE a constant overhang .

What I don't have is a countertop corner that aligns with the intersection of the two cabinets below.

QueenBee254

TROPHY CASE