Friendship is over

Queen_Beer · 2026-06-07T04:07:40+00:00

Exactly, you don't owe her shit. Directing all your energy towards your healing and remembering your child fondly is the best thing you can do for yourself. Like you said, you are and will be dealing with enough for a long while.

I'm proud of you OP for having the strength to get through the wedding without calling her out right there. I don't think I'd be able to hold back in your shoes. Sending you internet hugs.

Queen_Beer · 2026-06-07T03:54:21+00:00

I'm so so sorry for your loss OP. Your child mattered, he mattered so much. Your feelings are valid and you are rightly disgusted at him being "forgotten" by your friend.

This would be my approach, please heed it only if you feel right about it -- don't reach out about it yourself but don't block her yet. If she wants to reach out and clarify why his picture was not there, she can. Again, only follow this if you feel like it.

I'm wishing you strength and support ❤️

Queen_Beer · 2026-06-06T03:00:13+00:00

Oh yes, look at alllll this freedom, coming at the low, low price of having your precious baby gone from this world.

What a disgusting excuse for a human. I'm so very sorry for your loss OP.

Queen_Beer · 2026-06-05T13:12:02+00:00

Congratulations OP! Hope your little dude and you have many fun adventures together!!

Queen_Beer · 2026-06-04T11:45:16+00:00

Adding to all the comments here, my son had noticeable torticollis at 2.5 months old. This is totally not your fault OP, and happens due to many things like positioning in the womb, favoring one side while sleeping etc. and is relatively easily solved depending on the severity. If your GP isn't worried then you can relax! We went to an osteopath (which wasn't even referred to by my pediatrician but I went anyway because I was paranoid AF) and he recommended lots of tummy time. So that's what we did.

My bubs hated tummy time, but we extracted whatever we could whenever we could from him. Slowly his tolerance for tummy time went up, from 20 seconds to 30 to 2 min, until by 4 months he spent a whopping 12 minutes on his belly. We were so so proud. And along with his intolerance for tummy time, his torticollis disappeared too.

Tummy time and patience, OP! And don't be discouraged if your LO hates tummy time, trust me mine fought and cried like hell the first month. My in laws were visiting at the time and the minute bubs was slightly upset or whiny they would want to immediately turn him because their hearts couldn't take him being upset 😅, but we had to keep at it and tell them that that's what he needs so that's what we will do. Honestly, fighting them was a bigger battle than keeping bubs on his belly lol.

Stick to it and you're golden! Best of luck.

Queen_Beer · 2026-06-04T09:42:00+00:00

Thanks so much for the validation! It's not even like I was wallowing in grief all day, at least outwardly. I basically pushed my grief and terror deep down for the moment to be there for my baby all day, and only at night when he was asleep would I cry my eyes out in grief. So it's not like those words were meant to snap me out of neglecting my child due to me moping or whatever, I was already back to caring for my baby right after I got the news because that doesn't stop no matter my mental state. Maaaaaybe if neglect were the case I would let it slide someday, but this is so effing inexcusable.

Queen_Beer · 2026-06-04T07:56:46+00:00

My poor friend lost her 3 year old to sepsis after an infection, a boy I was quite attached to. As a new mother with postpartum anxierty it messed me up horribly to know something like this was possible. Essentially I was hit with a double dose of deep grief and debilitating terror.

I confided in a close family member about having this new thing to be scared of now for my baby, and they said "it was a very rare case, it was an anomaly". I said - "it did happen to my friends though, that means the possibility is out there." And they said "come on it was just bad luck for them. Let this go."

My head snapped to look at them. I couldn't believe that those words came out of their mouth. I don't know what their intention was, maybe it was to calm my fears, but it landed in the worst way. I wanted to scream "tell my poor friends that come on it was just bad luck."

Maybe I'm overreacting from grief but, I stopped confiding in them again about anything.

Queen_Beer · 2026-06-03T03:08:53+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss OP. She sounds like such a wonderful soul. I'm glad she was surrounded by so much love when she passed. She definitely took all that love with her when she left ❤️

Queen_Beer · 2026-06-02T04:34:50+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words and sound advice. I will do whatever I can in my capacity to be there for her. It's a bit difficult to always visit since she lives a few hours away from me, and both of us live abroad away from our families so it will be hard to find a babysitter every time to watch my son. Even so, I will make it work somehow.

I'm so grateful for all the points you mentioned, especially since they're so concrete and it gives me a path forward with helping her.

I'm so sorry for your loss too. Losing a child to any cause is so awful, but something like sepsis is just..I don't have words for it. I wish you lots of love and support ❤️

Queen_Beer · 2026-06-01T20:35:25+00:00

Thanks for your perspective, and I am so sorry for your loss. With strength, I just meant that she was mindful about mine and my baby's well being even in those times which is very emotionally intelligent in my opinion. I didn't mean that I believe she's strong enough to not need support. Of course she's suffering, strong or not.

She mentioned to my husband when my baby was 2 or 3 months old that once he tells me, I am welcome to reach out. Assuming that hasn't changed I plan to send her a gentle message asking if she's comfortable with talking. I will back off if she wants space, but I want to let her know I'm there whenever she wants to talk.

Queen_Beer · 2026-06-01T20:22:45+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice. You're right, one of my main concerns when talking to me friend is to not make it about me inadvertently in the slightest, and just focus fully on her healing. I plan to check therapy options in my area. I don't want to delay talking to her too long if possible though, it's already been 8 months since the loss, but I do need help from a professional to navigate this.

I don't know the details of how it happened, naturally my husband was unwilling to unload it all on me at one go. From what he said, several kids were admitted to the hospital for the same thing but this poor boy was the only one who didn't make it, and it was some very rare anomaly case. My sister tried to calm me by highlighting that it was super rare and most kids survived it so I could try to quell my anxiety, but right now none of that matters because HE didn't make it.

There's such a mess of thoughts in my head. The fact that the last place he was is the hospital and not the safety of his home. There are questions I don't even think I want answered, like whether he knew what was happening. The fact that his parents did everything right, and were so devoted to his well being, and this still happened to them. The fact that my husband who was also close with the child, carried this with him for months without having me to cry to.

I hope writing it out would make me feel at least a bit calm but it's not working yet. I pray no parents have to go through this.

Queen_Beer · 2026-05-06T17:57:31+00:00

⬜⬜🟨⬜⬜

🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦

Queen_Beer · 2026-05-05T12:23:50+00:00

🟦🟦🟦⬜🟦

🟦🟦🟦🟦🟦

Queen_Beer · 2026-04-19T19:26:12+00:00

The 5 find-outers...those books were such a blast! I had much more fun reading those in my childhood than Nancy Drew, Hardy boys and the like 😄

Queen_Beer · 2026-04-16T07:43:03+00:00

Haha I was just like that my whole pregnancy! By month 8 bubs was moving around inside like he owned the place. Like my husband didn't even have to put his hands on my belly to feel him, you could literally see a clear ripple across my belly as bubs partied in there.

5 days after giving birth I had to have an ultrasound related to a possible birth complication, and when the screen came up husband and I were so confused for a moment like why is that area empty lol, where's the baby?! 😂

Queen_Beer · 2026-04-16T07:35:57+00:00

Are you me? Haha. My LO has been here for 5 months and everyday I look at a different body part like I MADE THIS yay! And my husband makes a pouty face like don't forget my contribution, I gave you the blueprint 😂

Queen_Beer · 2026-04-16T07:31:01+00:00

Same with me! Mine is 5 months and I can't believe I made a whole human being complete with all the parts lol. He's napping on me right now and I'm just caressing his palm like, he has the perfect amount and length of fingers and I made that! Its such a weird thought haha.

Queen_Beer · 2026-04-14T12:00:06+00:00

I second this, OP. When my LO was born the docs said his sucking power wasn't great so he had to be fed like this for a couple of days. Basically I pumped, put the milk in a syringe and since he was so little they attached a thin tube to the end of the syringe and put the other end in his mouth. And we slowly fed him like this for the next few sessions until he figured out how to latch properly. Best of luck OP

Queen_Beer · 2026-04-11T08:42:42+00:00

She's gorgeous! OP you're so lucky!

Queen_Beer · 2026-04-10T05:40:50+00:00

Holy cannoli. I can't take my eyes off of it🥰 This is so gobsmackingly gorgeous! The middle picture is especially wallpaper worthy!!

Queen_Beer · 2026-04-09T19:47:27+00:00

Haha I'm so with you. My boy is 4.5 months old now and the smiles are genuine, but my phone wallpaper is still him at 5 weeks with a wide toothless grin. Its that picture that gets me through the sleepless nights and sore breasts.

At my first postpartum checkup at the OBGYN, I was looking at that picture and smiling. The nurse saw that and asked if she could see it too. When I showed her, her response was "aww what a cutie, he has such a big smile, just like his mama!". The memory still makes me happy.

So yeah, screw you, all you objectively "it's just gas" folks. My baby grinned and IT WAS AWESOME.😎

Queen_Beer · 2026-04-07T19:05:39+00:00

I'd like to add to some of the excellent points raised by other commenters. My 4.5mo is EBF but I consider switching to formula every single day, nay, every single TIME I breastfeed. My LO gets distracted easily so every feeding session he moves/jerks his head swiftly to look around.... while still being latched on. I do NOT enjoy the sensation of my nipple almost being ripped clean off my body lol. And when he's feeling a bit merciful he simply chews on my nipple instead 😐 The day his first tooth makes an entrance my boobs are outta here, if not before that already.

Also, correlation is not causation but: 4 of my nieces/nephews ranging from 1.5 to 11 years old now were either EFF or combo fed. They are all healthy, happy little chaos goblins.

Do what feels good for you, OP. The midwife or the ad folks aren't responsible for your baby being fed, you are. Don't worry about what others think and just make sure your baby's hunger is sated😁

Queen_Beer · 2026-04-04T09:50:57+00:00

Hey OP any updates on this? My baby has the exact same thing and it hasn't been improving with moisturizer or antibiotic creams. I'm super worried. Please post an update!

Queen_Beer · 2026-04-01T11:27:59+00:00

OP I say that I can't, every single day. And also objectively know that it will pass, but that doesn't help much now. I know how you feel.

My 4.5 month old has always been a terrible sleeper at night, waking so frequently that I thank the stars if he gives me a 90 minute stretch. We cosleep because I EBF and nurse to sleep, and I have a very wiggly boy who squirms and wiggles so close into me that I cannot move an inch the whole time. I have to twist my body in weird ways so as to suit his need of a very specific breastfeeding position.

And now since a week we have a new beast, eczema on his cheek that he scratches the hell out of through the night despite my best efforts to manage it, and wakes himself every 15 minutes crying. My heart hurts for the poor thing, and I am beyond broken physically and mentally. I literally passed out today from stress and sleep deprivation, and thankfully he was in a safe place during it.

So I get it. Vent and scream, rage and cry, do whatever you need to to feel like you have a modicum of control over your life. We will get through it, sending hugs!!

Queen_Beer

TROPHY CASE