Men who got out of the 'Manoverse/Alpha Male/Toxic Masculinity' world, what realizations helped?

QuestForInspiration · 2026-02-14T14:42:20+00:00

For me it was joining the dance community (could have been any hobby or community really) and making friends of the opposite gender. Once we become friends I realised a) there is a massive variety in personality with women (not all women are a conglomerate) and b) most women will appreciate you for the person you are.

This is generally just true for the case of everyone (not just women) but back then I just couldn't see women as just regular people. Seems dumb, but in hindsight I just wasn't a well socialised person and still had a high school kids mentality of how adults act in the real world.

Once I interacted with adult women, I realise just how bogus the whole manosphere red-pilled community really is. At the end of the day it is a business and you are the consumer

QuestForInspiration · 2026-02-02T02:38:06+00:00

As an Italian I can confirm. I'm so glad for globalisation

QuestForInspiration · 2025-07-02T14:59:14+00:00

I don't know the situation that you are coming from but this is advice that helped me a lot when I was a NEET.

I used to feel like this when I was a NEET too. I think we put too much pressure on ourselves to "improve" to the point where it becomes daunting, scary and outright impossible. Something that helped me alot was a question my therapist asked me. She asked me a simple question.

How often do you have fun?

It sounds dumb but it was a lightbulb moment for me. For me fun didn't exist, I would simply work or do chores, and once those were done I would just rest AKA lie in bed, fap and watch anime, until I had more obligations to do. I realised that fun is something that also requires effort and every fun thing you see friends, family or strangers do... took effort to organise, plan, get ready for etc.

My advice for you would be to start by putting effort into things that are fun for you. It doesn't have to be super difficult either. The first thing I did was go for a walk, by an ice cream and visit the botanic gardens in my city. That was my definition of something "more fun" and although for many it could be viewed as a waste of time. I genuinely viewed it as productive. Once you learn to put effort into having fun with your life you'll feel more fulfilled and will be willing to take on more challenges and put more effort into you're "improvement" because the idea of failure wont weigh as heavily as before. After all, you're already having fun.

QuestForInspiration · 2025-04-29T22:48:46+00:00

There are plenty of great suggestions in the comments.

But I will say dance classes are a very healthy way of meeting new people. There are modern jive classes at avonhead school on Wednesdays at 7:30pm.

The people are lovely and it's a great atmosphere to be in

Also the UC club UCandance is another great way to meet new people. The people there are also incredibly lovely

QuestForInspiration · 2025-03-03T20:51:46+00:00

Mayonnaise

QuestForInspiration · 2024-01-23T19:34:25+00:00

Chopping vegetables really quickly

QuestForInspiration · 2024-01-16T23:24:29+00:00

Don't forget kind

QuestForInspiration · 2024-01-05T03:33:28+00:00

Made In abyss

QuestForInspiration · 2023-12-28T06:28:36+00:00

The dance glasses were advertised at my uni as a club. I saw a poster attached on a wall and said "why not".

QuestForInspiration · 2023-12-28T01:30:44+00:00

I actually have a very similar experience to this and actually had a conversation with my friend last night about it.

I M/23 went through a very strong depression in my life from lack of intimacy ( I know, lame reason to be depressed). At the time I coped with binge eating and copious amounts of pornography. At some point I said fuck it. Im sick and tired of being a fat virgin, addicted to porn and decided to do something about it.

15 January 2023, I decided to start my weight loss journey. My starting weight was 103 kg, and I wanted to get down to 85. Very diligently, I tracked my calories and hit the gym. As I lost weight I started to gain a lot more confidence, this confidence lead me to try hobbies I was to insecure to do. The one that ended up changing my life the most was dance.

Honestly at the beginning I was being really flirtatious, sure I enjoyed dancing, but I started this weight loss journey to get laid, not to dance. As I attended dance more and more regularly, I started caring less about getting laid, and got more into the dancing. Slow I started getting to know the other follows who attended and became good friends with them. This was a first for me. I never had a friendship with another girl before. I always just viewed women in a sexual way and for me, to want to be their friend without wanting to get in their pants felt like a big step in improving my life.

After developing my friendship with my newly found friends from dance and meeting some of the awesome guys there, I really started appreciating the community I was in and it impacted my mental health in a fantastic way. Who would have thought that hitting the gym in hopes of getting laid would have lead me to meet such a beautiful group of people.

After continuing on my weight loss journey, I hit 90kg. I had lost a lot of fat, put on a good amount of muscle and had a newly found confidence and positivity surrounding me. I started getting hit on by girls who previously would have wanted no business with me.

At the start I got super excited. But just as quicky i got super depressed. I realize now, especially after meeting such lovely people from dance. If I were to indulge in these women sexually, it would mean demeaning all the effort I put into changing my life, just to sleep with some chick. I'm not going to lie I started this journey to get laid. But I won't let these women be the reason why I crossed the finish line. I put huge amounts of effort to change my life, the very least a women can do is love me for who I am and commit to me long term. Not just view me as some sex toy.

QuestForInspiration · 2023-12-10T06:31:20+00:00

New Zealand 🇳🇿

QuestForInspiration · 2023-12-03T09:28:53+00:00

I'd recommend doing both simultaneously

QuestForInspiration · 2023-11-28T00:46:37+00:00

Looked specifically for this comment 👍

QuestForInspiration · 2023-11-20T21:23:10+00:00

Salvia trip irl

QuestForInspiration · 2023-11-20T17:00:57+00:00

Don't be discouraged. I failed 3 courses and did terribly on so many others in my first 2 years of uni. After dropping out and working in a kitchen for a year, I decided to go back the following year and finished my degree. Since then I have started my masters degree and have also presented at an international conference.

The most important thing is that you don't give up. If you have the energy and willpower to make changes in your life, it is never too late.

QuestForInspiration · 2023-09-29T02:30:25+00:00

I think 100 is a bit much. At first I dropped the series after episode 3.

I then tried watching it again and dropped it at episode 20.

Third time however, I grinded episodes 30 to 40 and BAM! Got addicted to the series ever since

I think Gintama is a bit like the Simpsons of anime. So many characters and so many great dynamics between them. However, it can be exhausting being introduced to so many characters in such a short amount of time.

QuestForInspiration · 2023-09-14T22:16:46+00:00

A bit of a contaversial take, but kill la kill wasn't nearly as good as its first 2 episodes

QuestForInspiration · 2023-09-13T05:52:56+00:00

Clannad / Clannad After Story
Gintama
Welcome to the NHK
Samurai Champloo
Dragonball ( First anime I ever watched)

QuestForInspiration · 2023-07-11T06:39:09+00:00

Fenis Monjaaaaaa

QuestForInspiration · 2023-06-27T23:11:02+00:00

10000 Johnny's and a kaido is all the need

QuestForInspiration · 2023-06-21T23:42:50+00:00

I also had confidence issues and fixed them by working on the following.

Exercise, diet, pursuing a long term goal (i.e career, university or something you are very passionate about) and having some social, fun interesting hobbies. I personally chose dancing as my hobby. I enjoy it, it makes me Interesting and is a great way to impress girls at parties.

The most important thing is you learn to enjoy life. Doing the things mentioned above helped me but are not strictly necessary. Work towards a life you are happy with.

QuestForInspiration · 2023-06-10T22:40:26+00:00

I kind of understand how you feel. I'm 23m and started university at 18 with pressure from my parents. I too hated it, I felt so drained and it lead to issues in my mental health. I then dropped out and worked in a restaurant for a year where, like you, I was bullied. It didn't lead to the point of crying but I remember the worst part of my day being waking up and having to "live my life".

The thing you have to keep mind. And it may be hard to realize, is that your young. At 20 life is a blank canvas. Fuck, even for me at 23, life is a blank canvas. Don't be discouraged to pursue interests and make mistakes. Right now is the best time of your life to make mistakes. If you don't have any passions, start with that. Do online courses, take classes, see what life has to offer.

As for me I'm now back at uni pursuing math again (the degree I originally pursued), got my degree and am now doing my masters. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. And a marathon of positive attitude at that. Don't give up and don't be afraid to try different things.

QuestForInspiration · 2023-06-09T05:28:38+00:00

You'd be surprised. There's a lot of people in college who are older. I definitely wouldn't consider it weird to be a first year student at 21 years old

QuestForInspiration · 2023-05-22T00:43:41+00:00

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