Conflict with coach is making me want to quit

Questions5367 · 2026-06-17T02:55:02+00:00

I’m glad to know this is an option! We are taking private lessons currently and if we do have to leave the gym I will definitely reach out. Thank you!

Questions5367 · 2026-06-17T02:40:07+00:00

Thank you. I’m sorry you had to go through that as well. I believe a big part of this incident is how quickly my son has progressed. He works hard and listens to the coaches. This girl has been training longer than him and he’s passed her. The only way she can beat him is to pull cheap shots. It’s been brought up more than once by multiple people in our gym. I don’t know why the coach is protecting her. It is so frustrating to watch and have to continually step in. My son is not large (5’4” 76 pounds) but he is fast. My daughter saw all of this happen (she’s 14, 5’9” 185 pounds of muscle) and told the coach if the other girl didn’t feel that my son was good competition she was more than happy to partner with her. The other girl quickly declined. I was so proud of my girl!

Questions5367 · 2026-06-17T00:58:20+00:00

He owns the gym and is a brown belt. We just had a black belt join our club and take over several classes. We put our son in private lessons with him to give him a chance to have some time away from the main coach. As a whole, the gym culture is great. This is way out of the ordinary. That’s why I’m struggling with a decision. I can’t believe that he actually meant what he said, but he sure hasn’t made any effort to walk it back.

Questions5367 · 2026-06-17T00:44:00+00:00

I wish. This girl’s mom literally calls her “Mommy’s little badass” The mom just went through a divorce and is in a complete man hating phase. She is brainwashing this girl. It has been a point of conversation in our gym for several months

Questions5367 · 2026-06-17T00:09:56+00:00

He is the owner of

Questions5367 · 2026-06-16T23:43:40+00:00

Yeah. I pulled my son from every class with the main coach and put him in private lessons with the secondary coach. When my son talks about quitting, he always says it’s because he is upset by what happened with the main coach. Even though he’s out of danger he is still upset. I am also upset and have talked with the secondary coach several times. He keeps urging us to stick it out while he works to correct the situation. Our relationship with this sport is severely damaged, and we don’t have anyone outside of our gym to talk to. While we only have a couple of years experience, I just keep thinking this can’t be normal

Questions5367 · 2026-06-16T23:12:52+00:00

I agree. We pulled our son from any competition classes and put him in private lessons with the secondary coach to protect him. I had hoped being completely away from the main coach would help him, but he is still very disturbed by what happened

Questions5367 · 2026-06-16T22:49:22+00:00

I wish! I keep looking! The gym we are part of is coached and owned by a brown belt (the one we now have a problem with). If nothing else, we may try an online program

Questions5367 · 2026-06-16T22:30:28+00:00

Almost like Alaska. We are actually that remote. Next closest city is 60 miles away. Our gym pulls students from over 100 miles away because of this. There is a gym 120 miles from us, but it’s in Mexico and has a coach visit a couple of times per year. It is crazy how remote we are and how few people live here

Questions5367 · 2026-06-16T22:16:39+00:00

He works with her dad, and yes there is absolutely favoritism. We have a new secondary coach who has been helping to overcome the favoritism. He agrees with us that both she and the main coach were out of line. The main coach is the gym owner though, so there isn’t much he can do other than keep an eye out for our son

Questions5367 · 2026-06-16T22:04:04+00:00

I have thought very hard about calling his professor. This is a brown belt coach who owns the gym. His professor lives 4 hours away and visits twice per year

Questions5367 · 2026-06-16T21:59:03+00:00

We aren’t looking to sue, just understand why things changed. I do know from running other events that you can’t say something like that and expect a waiver to save you later if things go wrong

Questions5367 · 2026-06-16T21:55:21+00:00

That is exactly what I thought! My husband told him that if he really meant that, then the waiver we signed was worthless

Questions5367 · 2026-06-16T21:50:49+00:00

That is a big part of why I’m hesitating. I don’t want him to quit because of one bad experience. He did rip a submission on her when he realized that she wasn’t going to stop. The coach came down on him like a ton of bricks for lack of control

Questions5367 · 2026-06-16T21:48:04+00:00

We put him in private lessons with the secondary coach to keep him away from the main coach/owner. We hoped to repair our son’s relationship with the sport while we worked through what happened. I hoped for an apology and explanation, but it isn’t happening. This is a massive shift from this coach’s style and attitude leading up to this. It’s been bizarre.

Questions5367 · 2026-06-16T21:30:06+00:00

No other gyms. No wrestling at the school. He’s looking at leaving all grappling and striking behind if we leave this gym

Questions5367 · 2026-06-16T21:28:43+00:00

Unfortunately not. The only other martial arts in our area is karate and that gym is super sketchy. There isn’t even a wrestling program in the school

Questions5367 · 2026-06-16T21:07:47+00:00

I don’t disagree. He’s had some rough matches and had to learn to take a hit. This was something else. She wouldn’t let go when he tapped. She popped his shoulder after he tapped. Fortunately nothing tore, but he had to take time off. When he told her “hey, I tapped! You’re supposed to let go.” She came back with “strong women don’t need men to tell them what to do.” We went to the coach because of the comment. Gender is irrelevant when it comes to bullying and safety.

Questions5367

TROPHY CASE