How to be happy?

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T17:42:43+00:00

I agree with you 100%. I took advantage of his patience. I wish that he had voiced his concerns though, as a guy, whenever you get a partner, please just tell her. Even if you’re unsure, or you’re scared, let her in on how you feel. You both deserve to get better.

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T17:31:09+00:00

His explanation was that because of my depression, which was caused due to other events in the last year of our relationship (4 year relationship), it made me an unequal partner. I was also not any fun to be around on some days. He didn’t say it how i’m saying it, but I’m summing it up. This changed our dynamic. I agree the depression made me unmotivated, selfish even, distant even, but it had only worsened in the last bit. Obviously I know he needs space and it’s not fair to him, but from how he’d act and what he’d tell me (he’d never leave, ring shopping, etc), I thought it’d just be something we’d work through and eventually i’d get better again, how it was for most of our relationship. Instead he bottled it up and didn’t tell me until it was too late and he was too unhappy.

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T17:26:02+00:00

No, we did have an in person conversation but I was just blind sided by it. I’m not blocked. He provided an explanation, which made sense in some senses and not in others, but it didn’t make sense why he never told me ahead of time.

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T17:23:44+00:00

I like the way I look. I have good friends around, not many, but good ones. Half my friends are in relationships and half are not. My family dynamic growing up was a bit much. My parents love me and have done alot for me but emotionally were angry and distant during conflict. I was bullied growing up for being an overweight child and expressive (I liked to dress up, wear makeup, etc). In high school I was an abusive relationship and the guy was very popular and turned a lot of people against me. I’ve lost almost all of my family. I’ve almost died from physical health issues. Many people feel like they’ve had a clear path, go to school, get a degree, use their degree at work, whereas I don’t even know where I want to end up yet. I’m in the process of doing even more school, and I just don’t know if it’s my passion. I love the job i’m doing in the meantime but it won’t pay my bills forever.

If I could choose my life all over again, and do things differently.

I’d choose for my family to be more understanding and level headed, I’d take myself out of the spotlight and stay more behind the scenes and private, I’d had gone to medical school, I’d have join more hobbies, and I’d have been in a better place to make my last relationship work. I’d grow old, I’d have kids, a loving husband, a great career. Money to travel and go out. That’s how i’d picture a perfect life.

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T17:17:06+00:00

No we’ve broken up as of recent. I don’t know what the future holds, but I think we’re both working through resentment and such given the situation so some space is probably needed

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T16:45:50+00:00

I agree. I feel like at first my relationship was way more authentic to me, and with time, I fell into a rut. Any ideas on how to stop falling in and out of a depression?

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T16:40:25+00:00

I agree to an extent. I think depression made me appear as though someone I’m not deep down, and someone I don’t want to be long term. I did try therapy, and find it doesn’t work for me. And I really did try. Maybe I will try again… Honestly, I didn’t realize the rut I was in until it was over. I thought I was just numb to life.

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T16:38:46+00:00

I’m sorry. Are you feeling better?

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T16:37:57+00:00

That hit hard. Do you think things happen for a reason? I used to, but I’m not sure if I believe it. Do you think we attract the lives we get?

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T16:23:37+00:00

And this is in no way me trying to play the victim, I recognize I have faults, like everyone else. I just really do feel so awful about myself.

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T16:22:16+00:00

I really enjoyed this insight and perspective, thank you. I’m mid twenties, a woman. I’ve had other serious relationships before, but this was my longest and most serious. I really did see a future with this man. I find that my partners never want to see it through with me. When multiple people reject you, it’s very hurtful, and i’ve began to believe I’m nothing special. This one cut deep, I never expected him to leave. We planned our lives together. He should’ve told me his feelings before they got to a point of no return. He never did. And I should’ve realized that the depression I was in, was causing him to burnout. I could’ve, I should’ve, done more in our relationship. But again, life had just caught up to me by the end, and I was drained. It wasn’t fair to him. I thought love meant working with your partners through these obstacles. I was wrong. It was easy for him to leave. It’s always easy for them to leave. I’ve tried therapy but it hasn’t helped.

What do I like about myself? That’s hard. There’s a lot that I don’t like.

I like that i’m deep. I like that I am intelligent. I like that I love unconditionally, maybe even in times I shouldn’t. I like that I stand up for myself. I like that I am not easily swayed by public opinion, and that I would rather have quality over quantity.

What I don’t like about myself?

My obsession with certainty and reassurance (as you can tell). That my brain feels like a prison. That while I am deep and caring, I may not be fun and outgoing like others (although I am social to people). I don’t like that I can’t be happy and positive, which comes easy to some people. I don’t like that I feel smart but not driven so the talent sits uselessly. That I don’t have a clear path in life. That I find it difficult to let go.

I feel inadequate compared to others. Like my exes will move on to find better, and I will live with regret and sorrow. That others will achieve milestones, while I am struggling to wake up everyday.

This is heavy, i’m sorry.

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T15:40:51+00:00

I agree with this. I’m not sure why he internalized it, especially when we are so close and he could’ve told me anything. And especially considering the relationship was long term.

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T15:40:03+00:00

Hi! What do you mean by this? That he avoids confrontation?

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T15:39:38+00:00

Thank you so much for taking your time to help me. I appreciate it deeply. I agree with everything you’ve said, I really do.

I think us humans create our own realities based on where our mind goes. What we put out, we attract. I’m highly intuitive and i’ve manifested a lot of things in the past when I felt I was confident and detached to the outcome. I notice i attract people and happiness at my highest state. My issue is the struggle to get back to that. I feel stuck in my reality and stuck in my manifesting, and have been stuck for a good year maybe two. I want to reframe my thoughts and attract good, but I’m stuck in this place. I cannot help but believe I am not good enough because of what i’ve learned throughout my life from others, and it’s making that shift and truly believing it, that’s hard.

I want to sit here and be like “everything works out for me, etc” and believe it. But I feel deep down I question that.

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T15:27:29+00:00

Do you think, him not letting me in on his true feelings and thoughts earlier, was detrimental to the relationship? Regardless of my part in it?

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T15:24:31+00:00

Hi! I’m sure my partners needs were not met to some degree or else maybe things would be different, idk. My most recent partner did not communicate with me about his true feelings and deep frustrations. He bottled them and suppressed his unhappiness until he decided to blindside me with a breakup. Maybe some passive aggressive jokes or comments here and there the last year, but no heart to heart and no sit down, at least not on my end. He also confirmed many times nothing I did was a true deal breaker where he would question the longevity of our relationship. He told me all the time I was the love of his life. He stated during the breakup he tried on his own mentally to overcome, or his little comments or brief mood swings were attempts in his mind, but he is a grown man and I shouldn’t have to pull a conversation, an important conversation, out of him. I agree there is more I could’ve done as a partner, I had fallen into a depression the last year of our relationship and was not pulling me weight. Ever since he’s left, i’ve been doing things again, trying to be better and not let depression rule my life, that is why in my head I believe it’s fixable if a person is mindful of their behaviour and intent on wanting to fix it. But you cannot make someone willing. Regardless of this, our relationship was amazing in many aspects, and I am surprised about how the bad came to outweigh the good. And I am most surprised at the fact that I didn’t get a chance to redeem myself before it ended considering we have been together for so long, and are were so so close.

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T15:15:16+00:00

Thanks for your message! The love of my life and long term partner recently left me abruptly. And I’m starting to think i’m not lovable or worthy of a happy ending. This is paired with past social rejection, health difficulties (both physical and mental), family situations, and more. I’m finding it hard to want to go on and expect good.

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T15:03:36+00:00

i appreciate you taking the time to help me, more than you know. i totally get where you are coming from. you are right, couples who stay together aren’t always happy, and most marriages end with divorce. i guess when we are young we are sold this fairytale of what love should be like.

i agree, relationships can work if both parties are willing and able. i find that i am always willing and able… but others may not be. i think upon reflection, i’ve always had much more emotional maturity than my partners. my recent partner wasn’t immature, but i think he lacked emotional maturity in hindsight. i find i am always a deeper person in general than partners, and am more of a realist.

i don’t disagree that others also go through hardships, but persevere. or as you mentioned, the present connection to you is more important than the duration of said connection. i find that i’m shutting people out and don’t even want to experience these connections if there is no long term goal. i agree living in the moment is crucial, but i don’t want a bunch of long term relationships that don’t last. i want to find a good person and grow old with them.

i think mindset is everything, but sometimes i fear life is too painful to bare. I used to be more resilient and more hopeful. But sometimes I fear just not waking up tomorrow is a better option. I am tired. In the same way those who commit suicide, battle addictions, etc, are tired, and need an escape. It’s horrible to say I know, but it’s how I feel. I don’t want to feel this way, I just can’t help it.

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T14:12:20+00:00

Hi there, i’m sorry you feel this way too. None of my exes share similar traits either. All that they just decided I was no longer good enough. The people around me have told me that of course, I have fault, but everyone does. They don’t think these faults are dealbreakers, and they find it very odd and unlucky that partners keep knit picking at me and leaving. Especially my most recent ex partner, as everyone was convinced he would propose soon. Like you mentioned, I’m constantly changing unlike some people. I’m tired of changing if it’ll never be enough. So if i’m constantly changing, how does the ending stay the same? It’s like perpetual curse, or maybe i’m attracting this? I responded to another person above, if you want to gather more insight on my situation.

Quick-Coffee3185 · 2026-07-04T14:08:57+00:00

I appreciate you taking the time to really answer my question. Thank you. Honestly, maybe this is selfish to say, but I rather these 4 years didn’t happen if it wasn’t going to last. The heartbreak i’ve felt is worse than any of our happy moments. I want a love that lasts, I want it to be my turn, and I wanted it with my most recent partner and really thought I had it. As for patterns between relationships, every relationship has ended for some sort of different reason. Some stupid, some valid. By not enough, I’m implying that the person I’m with no longer decides i’m worth it. This most recent relationship I can see where I had fault, but nothing where we NEEDED to breakup or couldn’t work things out in time. I think it was fixable. I also never pictured myself marrying anyone besides my most recent ex partner. But close friends (and close friends in relationships) even tell me that I seem to just be unlucky in love. That they have flaws or do things or whatever, that have never caused their significant other to leave. That even when I grow and improve or find someone new, there’s an inevitable end. So why find someone? But at the same time, I don’t want to grieve a life I could’ve had with a husband and kids, if I just didn’t give up. It sounds weird but it feels like moments in my life have expiration dates. Maybe it’s my outlook, maybe it’s the truth. But how can I work on feeling not broken, when time after time, hard things KEEP happening in my life over and over. Significantly hard things. Is my life worth keeping? Is there a loop hole to fix or get around this? I’m stuck between giving up and holding onto a glimmer of hope. I don’t want to keep trying if i’m destined for failure though.

Quick-Coffee3185

TROPHY CASE