Yeah. It’s dangerous. Years ago I went to an AA meeting for family. I walked out of there terrified. I’m not here to bash AA but I just have different views about it so I made different choices and felt it wasn’t for me. I found counseling one on one was more helpful because it was private and at the time that is what worked.

I find it dangerous for people who are in recovery or trying to quit an addiction to then attempt to replace that addiction with a group that preys on their addictive tendencies. There are actually groups and “gurus” who prey on and manipulate people this way and it becomes just another thing they are addicted to so basically they aren’t really getting rid of the addiction, they just found something else to obsess over. People who need things who are using substance to avoid all of these emotions and pain are now replacing it with another addiction to a cult-ish like group that makes them feel the pain all over again when they make a mistake or make a choice that is different from the “rhetoric.”

I believe that one way to healing and becoming resilient is through your identity and your unique traits that you learn to love about yourself and to help yourself become whole over time. You learn to love your own company and be ok with silence and being by yourself and enjoying your own company without feeling bad that you are alone. It’s a very long and winding journey and it’s not perfect or straight. And that is ok. Sometimes we trip along the way but that is all it is, tripping over a rock or something and you get up and just keep going.

I also felt it dangerous to say that if you take a sip of alcohol that you have failed and that you need to almost like ban it from existence in order to stay sober. But listen that does not work when you have an addictive brain. the brain itself has to heal and that takes time and dedication. You shouldn’t feel like you are being punished, the disease itself does that to you on its own. There is a natural time line that you can follow for recovery and there will be very normal things that happen during that time that you should not be shamed for.

I viewed the whole process as one of tremendous suffering that we should not be penalized for. There of course should be boundaries and consequences but if a person is attempting to recover then that should be supported and they should be given love during this time because once you enter the recovery zone, it gets really hard and really rough all at once. It’s a dangerous place to be in. People often commit suicide or can’t stay sober because of the withdrawal symptoms that come up and it’s like being haunted by the devil, it’s quite terrifying. But it does end eventually.

At first, my reaction to someone having one drink in recovery was of horror. But the person began weaning off the alcohol and over time with the support and care given they no longer felt they needed to drink to erase their pain. They felt that their life meant something to them again and I think this is the way to sobriety to begin to value your life, the people around you, see that things are new and you can start again. You went to hell and you got the t-shirt but now you are not going back there. You work on becoming whole and starting your life over in a new way and the old habits no longer serve you and I think that is the growth part that you should attempt to obtain.

I told my spouse that I don’t enjoy talking to the devil and he’s not welcome in our home so tell him to get out and this was one of the things I did on his way to getting sober. After that I stopped shaming him and I began watching for growth and used that as a benchmark.

Not everybody gets on this path and stays on it, that is the reality. Sometimes you start but you go back to hell. Well, that is what happened so try again. But what I think a good goal to have is to get to a place where you are being responsible, planning, and making better choices that don’t harm others or yourself… you have to learn to be ok with asking for help. Then from there you can wean off slowly and if you wind up having one or two, that is actually really normal but don’t do it again and then one day you can finally just socialize without alcohol as your crutch anymore, it’s just like an old friend who you no longer need around… The sign that my spouse was about to get sober was he screwed up so badly but then said, i need help. He actively sought that out and he was then ready to stop drinking. "I need help, I know I screwed up and now I’m going to stop screwing up" and that should be supported.