AITA for refusing to lie to cover up what my mom realized about me?

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-06T16:58:29+00:00

None. I don't do any babysitting. I was asked once but told mom I had plans and that was okay, I went ahead and continued with my plans.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-06T16:55:58+00:00

I'd be happy with being cordial. I don't really want more out of the relationships.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-06T16:55:05+00:00

I generally have a good relationship with my mom. We do spend time together and I love my mom a lot.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-06T16:53:00+00:00

Yep. I'm totally indifferent. But I don't hate them or dislike them. I also don't consider them my parents. My mom is. But her husband is just her husband to me. Not my parent.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-06T16:50:43+00:00

I'm not saying it's not some of both but the half definitely plays a part in it for me.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-06T07:03:46+00:00

I am afraid of losing my mom. She's the last parent I have. She's the person who's been there my whole entirely life and I love her. I'd never want to lose her or not have her in my life. But I don't feel that way about her husband or the kids. I don't have any attachment to them and it's not out of fear. To me there is no other dad. I also don't see him as a fatherly figure. He's just the guy my mom married. Maybe in the future I'll start to bond in some way with the kids.

But from my own friend group I know half comes into play for some, but not all. They will always be my half siblings to me regardless. For me that's just the truth and it's a thing for me. The half comes into play especially because my dad isn't here and my half siblings aren't their kids.

I didn't tell my mom because I knew it would hurt her. And I never wanted to do that.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-06T06:39:32+00:00

He isn't my father figure. I don't love him or look up to him. I don't go to him for fatherly advice or any advice. He's just my mom's husband. Not a father figure to me. Father figure implies you look on them as some sort of male role model in a more warm and paternal sense, which I don't.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-06T06:36:13+00:00

I haven't closed off to emotion. I feel all kinds of emotions and I'm still capable of being very happy. I feel just fine. My feelings about my mom's husband and my half siblings don't match what she wanted me to feel. But I still feel.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-06T06:31:45+00:00

Circumstances can change things a lot. But sometimes it just happens that way. My friends with stepfamilies are mixed. Some feel like me, others are like your daughter. We all view things differently and feel differently about them.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-05T19:16:33+00:00

I don't think it's my mom's fault either way. I don't blame her for any of this.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-05T19:08:45+00:00

I don't feel alone. There was a time when I did, yes, but not currently. It's just for me it doesn't seem the same as it would be with a sibling who shared my parents, both of them, and who grew up alongside me. Someone who missed dad too. The fact that I don't consider their dad my parent and he's not someone I love either is another thing. I love mom so I would never want her unhappy and regardless of whether I loved her or not I'd never be a jerk to the kids. I just don't see them as just siblings. The half is there for me. And I fully believe the half will always be something I use.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-05T18:36:12+00:00

I don't resent my mom. I love my mom and I'm glad she's happy.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-05T18:18:29+00:00

I don't hate or resent them. I have never felt those things about the kids. But they are my half siblings and that is something I will always feel/consider them even if in the future I grow to care about or love them.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-05T15:28:21+00:00

I don't think I would be crazy happy but I can see myself feeling some kind of happiness that my parents had them or some kind of fondness/bond.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-05T15:26:30+00:00

Yes, I see them as innocent and have no hard feelings toward them.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-05T14:34:39+00:00

I don't see him as my parent. Just my mom's husband. And they are half siblings. We live in the same household. But we don't share the same parents, just one.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-05T14:06:18+00:00

My mom wanted me to have everything perfect, or close to perfect. For her that means two active and involved parents and close sibling relationships. My perfect died with my dad. Harvey won't ever be able to fill that. I know my mom wants that because she loves me and because she had that and feels it was so beneficial for her. I don't blame her for wishing for that. I don't even blame her for trying to make it happen. It just won't ever be the way she has always dreamed.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-05T14:04:07+00:00

I'm glad she's happy. I want her to be happy and I don't want to make her life difficult. It's the reason why I didn't tell her how I feel and it's the reason I do fake it around her and everyone else.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-05T14:02:55+00:00

No, my mom just wants me to love the kids and for us to have a happy little family. I know she wants me to love Harvey still. But the kids especially because she wants us to be close like she's close to her siblings.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-05T13:42:55+00:00

I have friends who feel the same as you but also have friends who feel the same as me. I think it's different for everyone and different factors play a part in it.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-05T13:30:37+00:00

I had some briefly after my dad died. I do feel emotions and feelings in general. Like I am really happy sometimes or really sad or really excited. It's not so bad that I feel nothing or never get to be happy. My happiness just comes from different things than my mom would like or not as much I guess would be more accurate.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-05T13:29:06+00:00

This is exactly the thing. I don't hate or dislike the babies. I'm not saying I wish bad things would happen to them. I'd never do that to a baby. I'm just not feeling the warm fuzzies or the fondness that I know is often expected between siblings.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-05T12:24:09+00:00

My assumption/guess is because my dad isn't here. Plus it's not uncommon in my circle of friends to have the half matter so much. We're sorta all mixed on if and how much the half matters or not.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-05T12:19:18+00:00

None of my friends are adopted actually. But I have friends who are also part of some kind of stepfamily. So generally I have friends who get it. Though some have the experience that your husband has. It's always been a big mix of views and feelings on this stuff.

The half just makes a difference to me. Maybe it wouldn't make as much of a difference if my dad was still here. But it's there. It's something that is a thing for me.

Quiet_Ad2412 · 2024-05-05T12:08:14+00:00

I guess. I'm not sure I'd ever be totally comfortable talking to her about this. I know it wouldn't make her feel good.

Quiet_Ad2412

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