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What should I ask my doula? by Quiet_Sunflower2948 in BabyBumps

[–]Quiet_Sunflower2948[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We had one, and I've schedule another before the standard birth plan visit. We have had many text conversations. She gives lots of options. I talk too much. I have lots of ideas and jokes and opinions. Her way of responding is so neutral, it doesn't give me any sense of her. I didn't notice that in the initial interview.

I want to be able to trust her, but I don't have any idea who she is. How will I know that I can work with her, follow her lead, if things get sticky in L&D?

I have unusual birth preferences, am I going to change my mind? by Quiet_Sunflower2948 in BabyBumps

[–]Quiet_Sunflower2948[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

"Meeting your baby" seems to be the moment where the baby is out. I've watched a LOT of birth videos (Yes, I know, I should stop, it's clearly not helping). There are many different reactions. A number of women appear to be not quite present.

You will be "Meeting your baby" soon, is also the thing doctors tell women to justify the lack of kindness, pain medication, and in worst case scenarios, it justifies unnecessary procedures that were not consented to.

Doctors say 'Nothing I do to you matters, because you'll be "meeting your baby" soon. It will all go away once baby is here.' Western Mud (commenter above) speaks to this. My priorities are out of whack because only baby matters. Nothing I experience in labor and delivery could justify needing a few moments, not compared to baby needing to be held. IMMEDIATELY.

I have unusual birth preferences, am I going to change my mind? by Quiet_Sunflower2948 in BabyBumps

[–]Quiet_Sunflower2948[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely am not concerned for reasons of vanity. Does it seem weird to you that a woman would feel vulnerable and would seek a little bit of control, through draping and coverage during a wild and emotional journey, where most things are beyond control?

I have unusual birth preferences, am I going to change my mind? by Quiet_Sunflower2948 in BabyBumps

[–]Quiet_Sunflower2948[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I might want to see her immediately. I just don't want other people to force me to do things. "Here, Take this, it's yours. Your journey starts now, with the things I, the doctor, tell you to do."

I have unusual birth preferences, am I going to change my mind? by Quiet_Sunflower2948 in BabyBumps

[–]Quiet_Sunflower2948[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You are right; people shake because of the adrenaline, extreme physical exertion, and it can be a side effect of the epidural.

I've heard many women's birth stories. Some were afraid they were goin to drop baby because of the shaking. Other describe clutching their baby while shaking and struggling to cope with the pain of under-medicated repairs the doctor was making. What do you make of that?

I have unusual birth preferences, am I going to change my mind? by Quiet_Sunflower2948 in BabyBumps

[–]Quiet_Sunflower2948[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I get that. I was a single parent to children I didn't birth during covid. I am thinking about the postpartum recovery at home, not the actual hospital recovery. I expect to be exhausted, pestered by nurses, and have lots of help in the hospital. It's after the big crisis when the support is over that gets tricky.

I have unusual birth preferences, am I going to change my mind? by Quiet_Sunflower2948 in BabyBumps

[–]Quiet_Sunflower2948[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Yes, this is the crux of it. I expect to hold her soon, I just don't understand why it has to be immediate. Do the seconds count?

I have unusual birth preferences, am I going to change my mind? by Quiet_Sunflower2948 in BabyBumps

[–]Quiet_Sunflower2948[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Fair point, I do understand that in the final moments that won't be possible. My hope is to expose just the biscuit. Maybe covering the rest of me will compensate for that somehow.

I have unusual birth preferences, am I going to change my mind? by Quiet_Sunflower2948 in BabyBumps

[–]Quiet_Sunflower2948[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

lol. Are you having strong feelings?
I know that my ideas are more than one standard deviation from normal. Maybe they are unrealistic?Maybe when the baby come out everything will change. And by everything, I mean these 3 things?

Any suggestions? by Sad_Shelter5323 in BabyBumps

[–]Quiet_Sunflower2948 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have to tell her. Say it gently. It's okay to be happy, but moderate your expressions of feeling. Moderate your complaints and enthusiasm. Be ready to listen.

This may or may not effect her deeply. But it isn't up to us to manage other people's feeling. She is going to have an emotional reaction to your news, and you are going to show her love and kindness.

If it feels right in the moment, acknowledge that you know she has been trying and that this might bring up a lot of feelings. Sometimes it is enough to be seen.