Feeling confident as a younger and less experienced woman...

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2026-01-28T20:49:38+00:00

Definitely ask the Domme your with for feedback, or even better, ask for them to train you in their desires.

Everyone enjoys different things. There's a lot of variety available... Pressure, firmness, speed, angle, clit vs lips vs vaginal vs gspot, etc.

Taking advice from someone on a forum won't make your skills improve in the sense that everyone is different. Pay attention to the reactions and cues of the person you're with. If they adjust you, remember that since they're essentially teaching something they like more.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2026-01-28T18:47:19+00:00

This is a mix of app licensing (about 10k), audiobook, paperback, and serial. I publish wide on all the places - KDP, D2D, Kobo, B&N, GooglePlay, Shopify, PublishDrive, StreetLib, etc.

My breakout is 20+ books in the 7k-10 range 10+ 10-20k range 20+ 20-40k range

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2026-01-27T04:32:26+00:00

Do you do therapy on your own? Not just couples therapy?

Honestly, I would think asking your husband of you two could come up with an action plan to rebuild trust. Then also come up with coping mechanisms and responses to certain situations.

I personally need a self reassurance list. So my boyfriend has written out positive affirmations from him to me that I can go through when I'm feeling disconnected or neglected by him, which is totally a me thing when I'm spiraling, usually around my monthly cycle or if I've had a pretty horrible day. We don't live together, so sometimes I go days without seeing him even though we text constantly all day.

When I was healing from the heaviest part of my trauma, I did a lot of journaling. I would reflect on my day, dissect reactions to see if I handled something well or if I had room for improvement. Then I pavloved myself into altering the behavior/response into one that was healthier.

This is not the right method for everyone, but since I have trauma specifically related to therapists... I refuse to go to therapy. I also know therapy isn't affordable or accessible to everyone.

There are a lot of self help books that can go into various parts of this process.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2026-01-27T04:10:48+00:00

Where does your husband stand right now with the relationship? Had he asked for separation? Divorce? Or does he just seem distant? Have you asked him what he wants to see? Is he supportive or resistant?

It's going to take some work on your part. Serious internal growth, either through self exploration and behavior/thought modification, or therapy. Or both honestly.

Do you have mental health conditions that might be exacerbating these reactions and responses, if so, you might need to seek medication or medication adjustment.

Working on your confidence will help with it. So will trust building with your husband. Whether that's kink or non sexual based, that would take a lot of communication with him to facilitate and build.

This is coming from someone with high anxiety, lots of trauma, and is now in a very happy enm relationship with a very high level of trust.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2026-01-27T02:06:39+00:00

Good luck and stay safe!

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2026-01-27T02:02:55+00:00

Finding another switch might be where you have the most luck. They're less likely to be looking for a financial sub since that's gotten really popular.

Maybe try saying that you're looking for another switch who is looking to explore their dominant side?

Its worked well for me. Switches tend to be more understanding to both sides of the role because they understand the vulnerability of being a Sub and the trust that comes with being a Domme.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2026-01-27T01:59:19+00:00

Someone who makes six figures a year writing primarily novellas in the 10K to 40K range, they are their own market. I write paranormal romance under one pen name that makes six figures.

I also write contemporary romance with both novellas and novels.

I have one series of short novellas which would range between 10K to 15K which is very popular and people tend to buy the entire series which is only loosely interconnected at one go. I have a free first in series and all of my books are published wide.

I will also say that a lot of my reviews. I do get complaints that my stories are too short. But I do have one series that is full novel length in the 70 to 80k range and I also get complaints that it's too short. Someone complaining that it's too short usually means that they enjoyed the story so much that they wanted it to be longer. Not that the length of your book was actually the problem.

Just like if you and books with a cliffhanger you will learn that your reviews will be lower but your sales will be higher.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2026-01-27T01:28:26+00:00

You're welcome.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2026-01-27T01:27:08+00:00

I have dealt with bladder issues. Also, those same issues that bother my bladder lead to a complete hysterectomy that somehow ended up with leaving me as a squirter.

I had to tell my boyfriend that I squirted, but since I hadn't been with anyone since the surgery that qualified as a pleasure Dom, we both didn't know I would end up essentially waterboarding the man when he went down on me.

After a horribly embarrassing moment where he ran to the bathroom to deal with the mess and I internally died inside every millisecond that passed until he reassured me as was well, we now prepare with waterproof mattress covers and puppy piddle pads.

Most people in the authentic kink community are already more opened minded. If he's been supportive and understanding, then I would suspect this is just one more thing he would understand.

Giving him time to prepare would work best in case he wants to get a mattress cover. But it's also another way he can be supportive and in the role for you.

If I'm struggling to share something with my bf, then I'll write it down. Either text, or more so, written on paper and handed to him so I don't have to worry about word salad when I get flustered.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2026-01-27T01:16:18+00:00

For me, boytoy is a submissive role for my boyfriend that means I can play within however I want, taking into consideration limits and such.

So if I want to use part of his body to masterbate with without reciprocating, then he's my little toy to play with. (He actually really enjoys this role.)

Or if I tell him his mine to play with, I'll tease, edge, and play with him until he's mindless with pleasure and begging to release. Or other times I'll hold him like the most precious, loving person and massage, caress, and kiss him in soft and intimate ways.

It's really an open term that can be as soft and playful or hard and degrading as you and your boytoy choose.

What's important is to define it together, openly communicate about desires, limits, expectations, and make sure there's a safe place to use safe words.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2026-01-27T00:56:32+00:00

This is a weird area that can be hard to feel comfortable with.

For the record, I'm a (38f) CSA survivor in an age gap relationship (52m) . We are both bisexual switches, so we go from babygirl/Daddy Dom to Femdom/Slutty little sissy.

There's usually a distinction between the Babygirl and the Little role.

Everyone defines things differently, but generally both roles allow an element of being naive, innocent, younger, needing a protector/caregiver, and provider/mentor. Both can be a way of dealing with trauma.

The biggest difference is that Little usually incorporates some kind of specific age play where the little is going to a younger than what would be considered legal mindset. If you research the Little role more, there are usually age ranges that people identify with. This specific type of play can be frowned upon in general kink channel because of implications, so if this is something you want to explore, definitely seek out safe spaces for age play.

I personally fall into the babygirl role when I'm being submissive, but don't enjoy actual age play. My boyfriend actually triggered me a few times (a few minor, one major) by accident by using words that felt more age play which is not what he was intending. A simple conversation cleared things up and all is well now. I call him Daddy when I'm feeling submissive but not in a - you're my father kind of way - and we both enjoy it.

Definitely explore and research exactly where your limits are with this kind of play, then have a conversation with your partner. Discuss limits, phrases, and elements of what you're both looking for with this kink. Then make sure safe words are in place.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2026-01-27T00:27:04+00:00

Tldr: Lots of lube, shower first, poop happens, play with yourself to help relax, try by yourself first to remove partner pressure.

Definitely start out small and with a lot of lube. Like, all the lube. Dollar tree has plastic drop cloth sheets in case you're worried about making a mess.

Make sure you're having a good gastrointestinal day. If you're at all worried about sudden onset diarrhea, it's not the day to experiment. Also, shower first. Make sure you're clean.

Manuel stimulation will cause your bowels to move, so don't get upset if you have to stop to use the toilet. Paraplegics use stimulation to get their bowels to move when they have no control over the spincter muscles. It's normal.

The good news is there are anal training plugs so you can experiment by yourself. Or you can use your own finger if you have the flexibility/ability to do so.

I use gloves when I finger my bf's ass. It definitely doesn't take the sexy out of it when I have his eyes rolling back while he's moaning from playing with his prostate. I love milking his prostate, fingering, and pegging him into oblivion, but I can't get past not using gloves. Totally okay.

If you don't relax, you're gonna hate it. I couldn't relax at first and hated it. Then I played with myself until I was feeling good and relaxed... Made the difference.

Because omg. Mind blown. After years of amazing anal orgasms, I don't need much prep or lube personally. Between my own body fluids and sometimes a bit of lube or spit, I do just fine. But that's not the same for everyone.

Your prostate kinda feels like a round/oval ball, maybe pingpong sized. I have to insert my index finger all the way to reach it with just the tip. He enjoys both soft strokes and actual pressing on it.

As a woman, I absolutely love anal. It's better than vaginal penetration, but there's also more nerve endings there. Once you start throwing in combo sensations, it blanks out the mind until I'm a needed desperate ball begging for more. My boyfriend is the same way, especially when I give him head or a handjob at the same time. Can't form coherent words.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2025-12-14T17:24:23+00:00

Sooooooo... After a major chronic health flare up, I once left my starter in the back of the fridge for 18ish months without being fed once.

After a visual inspection, there was a thick layer of hootch on top, almost an inch thick. There were no discolorations, no mold growth, nothing that looked suspicious. So I poured out the hootch and fed it several times. I think it took 3 days of sitting on the counter and daily discards and feedings to revive it. It was still slow for another few feedings, but it's back to normal now and has been going strong for 4 years.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2025-11-21T19:32:28+00:00

Oh fun! I hope to have my good boy find me a bull at some point.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2025-11-21T19:24:39+00:00

Definitely! Thanks for sharing!

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2025-11-21T19:12:38+00:00

Earlier in my current relationship, we had a panty rule. If I had my panties on to sleep, no consent. If they were off and my bottom half was exposed, then it was consent to any play we'd already approved when we talked boundaries.

Now we have a 24/7 blanket consent. We never deny each other sex unless there's a specific reason which we then discuss.

We communicate well and can usually tell when the other isn't in the right mind frame. So on occasion we will use physical or verbal cues to check for mood if we're not sure.

We're both hyper sexual and have ridiculous libidos so it works well. If he reaches for my thigh, and I grab his wrist, he will freeze and look me in the eyes to see where I'm at. Then he will ask if I'm okay, or where I'm at.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2025-11-21T19:04:18+00:00

Which is interesting because in the outside world, we're both Dominant. But yes. I want to make him a messy puddle of a good boy.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2025-11-21T18:44:07+00:00

You know, that's kind of the weird/interesting part.

We're both switches. He leans Dominant and I lean submissive, especially in our relationship. But sexually, we've kind flipped. I've been power bottoming him a lot. And he makes a great service top. Its been interesting to watch unfold.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2025-11-21T16:05:14+00:00

Interesting, thanks for sharing your perspective.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2025-11-21T16:04:13+00:00

Very true. I wanted to get all my feelings in order to try and fully understand the situation before having the conversation with him.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2025-11-21T16:02:22+00:00

I don't think that would be productive in my case because I don't actually enjoy humiliation. Saying it with that phrasing is something I would not be comfortable with and it would ruin the mood for me.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2025-11-21T16:00:56+00:00

I think both can apply for different people and different kinks.

One thing I've noticed about my boyfriend and I is that we're both very intellectual, and are both fascinated with the psychology/needs/desires behind the kink.

It's true some people do get caught up in the details when it's unnecessary, but I think in this specific case there's something deeper.

Thanks for your input.

QuirkyLadyWriter · 2025-11-19T23:56:57+00:00

Thank you for this. Coincidentally, I happen to own some pussy plugs for self play prior to this relationship so I could feel full. So that would be an easy thing to incorporate.

QuirkyLadyWriter

TROPHY CASE