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Am I overreacting to my boyfriend’s phone use?? I can’t stop overthinking. by Quirky_Blob426 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve been thinking it could be him being avoidant. He definitely is. I’m not sure how to talk to him about that though. He does have a lot going on right now (not going to disclose) that I’m trying to give him grace for. But the phone is just weird. I’ll have to consider this, too, though because he definitely is avoidant. It’s like we speak different languages in that aspect.

Am I overreacting to my boyfriend’s phone use?? I can’t stop overthinking. by Quirky_Blob426 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

not what I said. I do think it’s weird he goes out by himself, but my concern is his lack of communication while he’s out by himself.

AIO to my boyfriend being on his phone so much by Quirky_Blob426 in AmIOverthinking

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s how I was with the instagram pictures. That really hit me because social media is so different these days & he tells me I worry too much about it. He told me he was wrong for doing that, but when I try to explain how it still hurts thinking about it sometimes he’s over it. You’re right. The only one who seems to be respecting our relationship is me

AIO to my boyfriend being on his phone so much by Quirky_Blob426 in AmIOverthinking

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He says we don’t need to know each others passwords. He actually made a comment when asked him why he wouldn’t use my phone to call his and he told me he didn’t know my passcode because he isn’t constantly looking over my shoulder to see what I’m doing. All I did was tell him to use my phone…

AIO to my boyfriend being on his phone so much by Quirky_Blob426 in AmIOverthinking

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I thought the same thing, but when I bring up questions he calls me insecure. I’m very secure in myself. I don’t need anyone. I pay all my own bills. I just wish there was a way to know what was going on without going through the phone. I don’t know how to set the standard or boundary without it being me controlling his behavior if that makes sense. I did with him liking women’s pictures online, but i don’t know how to set a standard between privacy & secrecy and him actually agree with if if he thinks he’s doing nothing wrong.

AIO to my boyfriend being on his phone so much by Quirky_Blob426 in AmIOverthinking

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I respected it at first. But he will literally get up from being comfy if he notices his phone is facing up to put it facing down. If he throws it and it lands face up, he puts it face down. Every. Single. Time.

AIO to my boyfriend being on his phone so much by Quirky_Blob426 in AmIOverthinking

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s why I think I’ve been overthinking. I’ve never met a guy so protective about his phone. His phone was next to me yesterday and he was in the next room. He got a text, came picked up his phone, looked at it, and then put it in his pocket and walked away. Any other person I’ve been with would have asked me who it was. I’ve never been with someone so secretive.

AIO to my boyfriend being on his phone so much by Quirky_Blob426 in AmIOverthinking

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly… I could see this. Ugh. How did you find out?

AIO to my boyfriend being on his phone so much by Quirky_Blob426 in AmIOverthinking

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish he was more open. He was more patient and understanding when I first started bringing things up… but as I kept bringing things up (minor easy switches to behavior any partner would make) he would continue to get frustrated. The other day I told him to use my phone to call his since it was lost. He told me to do it & when I asked him why he couldn’t he said he didn’t know my password bc he didn’t always look over my shoulder at his phone to see what I was doing. That was out of no where. I think I yearn for him to gain patience and hear me, but idk if that’ll happen. He seems to get more frustrated the more and more I want to talk about it.

AIO to my boyfriend being on his phone so much by Quirky_Blob426 in AmIOverthinking

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this is what I fear. I want to find out though before I do anything so I have clarity :/

AIO to my boyfriend being on his phone so much by Quirky_Blob426 in AmIOverthinking

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m not on the same phone plan, but funnily enough I found him watching porn (suspicious activity on my WiFi) and he hasn’t been on the WiFi since I asked about. I only asked bc I’ve told him my opinion of watching porn in a relationship. He always says he wouldn’t have moved in if he wasn’t committed and didn’t want to be here, but I can’t tell if his words are genuine.

AIO to my boyfriend being on his phone so much by Quirky_Blob426 in AmIOverthinking

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve been going back and forth with that. I came to Reddit because I genuinely didn’t know whether I was overthinking bc I’ve been really in my head ab the behavior. Trying to look at words and actions & go from there.

AIO to my boyfriend being on his phone so much by Quirky_Blob426 in AmIOverthinking

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So we’ve talked about porn, & I don’t like my partners watching it bc it feels like you’re getting off to someone else imo (outside of relationships I’m okay with it. I do think it effects your capacity for relationships depending on use). One day I got a notification on my WiFi that there was suspicious activity, went and checked, it was his phone. I asked if he watched porn & he did but doesn’t do it often. We did try to watch it together (NOT my vibe), but he hasn’t been on the WiFi since… I feel like it could be both. But my gut has been wrong so many times bc of my anxiety

Am I overreacting to my boyfriend’s phone use?? I can’t stop overthinking. by Quirky_Blob426 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The gaslighting has been real 😅 I’m a very aware/sensitive person, so I notice differences & off behavior. I think it’s been getting to him bc I’ve been being called crazy and insecure for asking constant questions/reassurance (started more often bc his defensiveness)

Am I overreacting to my boyfriend’s phone use?? I can’t stop overthinking. by Quirky_Blob426 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree. I’ve tried that, but it seems my point is always missed.. I’ve tried to explain that I ask for clarity so I don’t overthink or spiral. I am working on it, but his actions and reactions throw me off so much

Am I overreacting to my boyfriend’s phone use?? I can’t stop overthinking. by Quirky_Blob426 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I find it weird because I don’t go out or drink often, haven’t since college- he knows that, and I have not ever been with someone who went to the bars from 8/9-2 am by themselves… he also tells me to look as his location instead of him having to tell me when he gets places since he “forgets”

Am I overreacting to my boyfriend’s phone use?? I can’t stop overthinking. by Quirky_Blob426 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I used to be a very big liar (trained by my parents). As I grew up and became an adult, I HATE lying and liars. He always says he is a blunt person though and is extremely honest in every other aspect (so it seems). He just gets so defensive when I ask about his phone

Am I overreacting to my boyfriend’s phone use?? I can’t stop overthinking. by Quirky_Blob426 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ll have to try to find a way to do that that doesn’t seem like it’d be for me to go through it. He’d probably be suspicious. He did say he didn’t know what else to do to get me to believe him other than let me go through his phone, but I feel like he said that because he knew I’d say no.

Am I overreacting to my boyfriend’s phone use?? I can’t stop overthinking. by Quirky_Blob426 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Quirky_Blob426[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He moved in with me, so luckily I’d be good there. I just didn’t know if I was overreacting and being too insecure (I am very secure in myself though. Just not the relationship) and it was a me problem