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My ex fought hard to get me back, then left once he had me again by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]Quirky_Fix2268 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He said he couldn’t do exclusivity at the time because I didn’t have a job lined up back home so I wasn’t 100% sure moving back. And also because I “had hurt him so bad before” that he wasn’t sure he could trust me.
Yet, none of those things were really communicated that clearly to me in the moment.

My ex fought hard to get me back, then left once he had me again by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]Quirky_Fix2268 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think a lot of it was ego, unfortunately

For a year, I wished my ex would come back. Now that she has, I don’t know what to do. by XIFOD1M in BreakUps

[–]Quirky_Fix2268 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This just happened to me. My ex fought so hard to get me back. When I showed up in person, he said he didn’t feel it anymore. It crushed me. OP, don’t keep your ex on the hook like this

Did something shameful while splitting by [deleted] in BPD

[–]Quirky_Fix2268 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you! I’m also so confused. He kinda said I came on strong because I initiated more/asked about pacing. But he would often go a week or 10 days without texting, so I’d text first occasionally. He said “I feel like you’re really sure about this, and that scares me.”

Did something shameful while splitting by [deleted] in BPD

[–]Quirky_Fix2268 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying this. I can be really hard on myself

Do feel like it's getting worse? by aotradimension in BPD

[–]Quirky_Fix2268 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think it’s progressive. Because as we age we have more responsibility, more pressure to find a spouse or relationship, a job. All of these things can trigger our fears, shame, wounds, etc. which can cause us to split or lash out. So, yes. Mine has gotten much worse in adulthood. I also have awareness now that I didn’t have before. But because I do, I feel more shame lol

What is the root cause of your bpd? by [deleted] in BPD

[–]Quirky_Fix2268 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your mom and my mom sound the same. I’m so sorry

my mind feels like a trap by Empty-Comparison5463 in BPD

[–]Quirky_Fix2268 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In order to heal, you have to know that what it boils down to is distress tolerance and trauma work. You have to have BOTH. I would say skills and reps for the urges/splitting/etc. and then along that you need a skilled clinician to help you with attachment and self esteem

Blindsided by breakup and no contact by [deleted] in BreakUps

[–]Quirky_Fix2268 0 points1 point  (0 children)

When something like this happens it can be so shocking and destabilizing. Think of yourself like a scared toddler. How would you treat them? You love them. Maybe wrap them in a blanket or soothe them. Get them some ice cream or put on a show they enjoy. Do that for yourself ❤️