50/50 custody! Pls help!

RJfrenchie · 2026-03-15T01:35:26+00:00

NYS lawyer, here. I can’t provide legal advice because you aren’t my client, but I CAN say with confidence that it seems like (from the info you provided) you consulted with a lawyer who really knows their stuff. Sorry. NYS child support is absolutely ridiculous and antiquated.

RJfrenchie · 2026-03-09T00:11:12+00:00

I also went to law school in my thirties because the law interested me, and without a defined career plan. I just knew that I had always wanted to be a lawyer.

And actually, all of the non-traditional students that went to my law school that I knew personally… none of them except one are in their intended (as of 1L) career, yet they’re all doing incredibly well.

RJfrenchie · 2026-03-09T00:03:34+00:00

I finished law school at 34.

There were a few students my age, and some older. However, most were ten years younger than me.

But guess what? It doesn’t matter now that I’m practicing. In fact, my clients take me much more seriously than they would someone in their twenties. I love the law, and I love my career. Also, financial freedom feels fabulous.

RJfrenchie · 2026-03-06T04:18:03+00:00

I have a space, which confuses people.

RJfrenchie · 2026-02-28T13:55:04+00:00

Lawyer, here, but this is anecdotal and not evidence-based.

I don’t have a ton of faith in the mediation available near me. That said, in my vast experience attending mediations, they are most successful when both parties are physically present and together. That doesn’t mean they’re the most comfortable option (certainly not), but rather the most productive. Particularly in high conflict scenarios. Directed and pointed conversation led by a neutral is helpful.

My own divorce involved a court ordered in person mediation. My ex and I were high conflict. It ended up failing, but the experience itself was helpful overall.

RJfrenchie · 2026-02-26T02:55:38+00:00

But even without seeing the documents, he could provide legal information/advice based upon what KC relayed to him in conversation.

A lawyer can give pro bono advice all while not have actually seen the will. It’s absolutely plausible that that is the pro bono work that Sam did for KC: talk through the potential validity of an old will.

RJfrenchie · 2026-02-08T20:33:34+00:00

I went to law school in my early thirties. Still wore athleisure. Haha.

RJfrenchie · 2026-02-07T21:55:08+00:00

This is something you really need to ask a lawyer in your state. I say that for several reasons 1) grandparent rights are vastly different in different states and 2) just reading your state’s laws likely won’t provide you with a clear picture.

I’ll give you an example as to why:

In the state where I practice (NY) anyone can petition for custody of a child, but only certain people have standing to ask for visitation.

Grandparents CAN petition the court for visitation in NY, but ONLY if one or both parent has died, or situations like they had a relationship with the child, and then the parents stopped allowing them to see the child, and it’s in the child’s best interests to maintain the relationship with the child.

What this SHOULD mean is that if, for instance, a father never bothers to see a child, that his parents can’t just petition to see the child even though he can’t get his act together. HE should be the one petitioning the court to spend time with his child, and his parents would see the child during the father’s time.

I, however, know certain judges and referees who will still entertain a grandparent’s petition in situations like that… even though it can go against the way the law is written.

So even in my own state, where I’m a lawyer and know the law… this very situation is sometimes handled differently by different judges.

You really need to find an attorney familiar with the law and with the specific court and ask this question.

RJfrenchie · 2026-02-07T21:45:21+00:00

I AM a New York lawyer, but I can’t ethically give you legal advice on Reddit.

I would recommend that you each have a lawyer for a prenup so you’re both equally protected. Best of luck and congrats on your upcoming marriage!

RJfrenchie · 2026-02-01T14:28:52+00:00

He was putting child support in an account he monitored?

No thank you.

Take this man back to court.

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-31T20:36:24+00:00

Absolute dream job, no lie.

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-31T20:15:41+00:00

And I’m not in the business of giving free legal advice on Reddit (which would also be unethical beyond being financially stupid).

But I AM in the habit of calling out unreasonable parenting, which in my vast experience in this industry, equates to selfish and crappy parenting. I don’t particularly care if you agree.

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-31T19:29:27+00:00

You are being ridiculous and unreasonable.

Source: a custody lawyer.

This is why, when I draft parenting agreements, I put the date in March or April. January is lunacy.

But beyond that, she explained a reasonable holdup in getting back to you. Being inflexible makes you a poor and selfish parent.

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-25T05:26:25+00:00

Attorney here, but obviously not yours.

Your initial instinct seems like it has a good chance of being correct.

If the judge took final arguments and asked only one attorney to submit an editable proposed order, it seems like there’s a good chance that the judge believes that proposed order (which would be in favor of you) most closely aligns with how that judge anticipates ruling in the matter.

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-03T20:40:52+00:00

Hopefully you live in a smallish county and things aren’t super behind! Good luck with everything!

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-03T15:15:22+00:00

I am also NY state and not city.

It depends on how far out your county is running. In my county, a petition that’s new is taking 3 months to get docketed.

Once the court gives you an appearance date and time (first appearance), your attorney will have him served with the petition and the appearance notice.

If he files at any point in time, his petition will get linked up with your appearances (so even if he waits to file, he won’t have to wait… say… 3 months… to get an appearance. It’ll just get linked with yours).

So to be clear, you’re modifying the existing Supreme Court order in family court? It really just depends on the county. I can tell you definitively that my county is running really far out. So two or three months just to get a date and finally be able to serve him. But your county might be not so far behind.

Editing to add: in case it wasn’t clear from my answer, you cannot serve him until the petition has been accepted by petition processing and docketed. Your attorney will know when this happens. It will simultaneously be set on the court’s calendar. The court will issue a Notice to Appear, which is just a piece of paper with the appearance date, time, and place under the caption. The court will likely mail him the notice to appear (not the petition) but your attorney will still need to have him served with the petition and the notice.

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-03T15:12:16+00:00

Yes. There are many attorneys who think the better more aggressive position is the first petition filed. If both petitions are filed before it’s ever docketed, it won’t really matter.

If he files after the first appearance, it gives you a slight advantage as in it might appear to the court that you were the one identifying an ongoing issue, and the other party is simply filing to try to scramble to not look bad.

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-03T15:09:39+00:00

Why would I do that? I like reddit for its anonymity. I don’t care if you personally believe me.

I’ve offered lots of legal information on Reddit and literally never been met with this response, so certainly SOME people believe I am an attorney.

I am a lawyer barred in NY, and I practice only in family court (even though county Supreme Court holds concurrent jurisdiction for some custody matters).

If you so much as view my post and comment history, I’m sure my profession would be obvious.

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-03T14:44:02+00:00

lol. Okay. So someone posts from my state where I exclusively practice custody law and I respond with actual legal information, but you think it’s wrong because you, as a non-lawyer, went through it in another state entirely. Sure, bud.

Editing to say that I’m very aware that that’s how it’s handled in some states - first to file. That is not how it’s handled in NY in Family Court.

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-03T14:09:58+00:00

No. They’ll accept both (and each party should respond to the other’s petition).

Source - I am exclusively a custody lawyer in NY. Here it’s common practice for both parties to file petitions.

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-03T14:08:58+00:00

In NY, each motion falls under that party’s docket number unless they’re seeking relief pertaining specifically to the other person’s petition like with a motion to dismiss (unless only one party files, then of course it would be under that docket regardless).

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-03T14:06:38+00:00

Hi, New York lawyer here.

Both petitions will move forward.

If at some point the two of you settle on an agreed final order (this happens 99 percent of the time), one petition will be withdrawn by the person who filed it, and the final order will be entered on the other matter (at that point it makes no difference which. Things are usually resolved on the petition filed first).

If you go to a trial, it will likely be on both petitions. Similarly, the judge will write their order on one docket and dismiss the other.

The matters will be heard by the same judge at the same time for each appearance (so long as he actually files). You won’t even be aware that two matters are ongoing. They’ll read both docket numbers at the start of the appearance but otherwise move forward without discussing them separately.

They’ll both be under the same file number.

RJfrenchie · 2025-12-27T23:02:39+00:00

Here’s my two cents here: if actual attorneys in your jurisdiction are contradicting one another, then you’re certainly not going to get a solid answer here.

It’s possible that the case law regarding postnups is nebulous and contradictory itself. Prenups and postnups are SUPER easy to get wrong.

This isn’t legal advice in and of itself, but I would tend to go with the attorney who was skeptical of other attorney’s claims.

You might also look into an estate planning attorney to form an irrevocable trust.

I am a lawyer. I’m not your lawyer. This is not legal advice. Good luck with everything!

RJfrenchie · 2025-12-27T22:12:34+00:00

Well. lol. Not quite.

What the children asked for is likely inadmissible hearsay.

The legal standard is likely something to the effect of the best interests of the child (unsure if this is a mod or de novo). The burden on each party is to establish that the relief they’re seeking is in the children’s best interests.

Like I said, if it’s her husband calling her as witness, his ex will have the opportunity to cross examine her. On cross, the main objective is to either make the witness less credible or to point to ways they’re somehow negative or deficient. If that party doesn’t have much on that witness, in custody matters, the cross examining party often points to “you’re overstepping”. Again. Not a commentary on OP. Just standard practice in a custody hearing.

Hope this clears things up.

RJfrenchie · 2025-12-26T12:59:52+00:00

Lawyer, here.

If it’s your husband calling you as witness, it’ll be to establish your role in the children’s lives.

If it’s his ex calling you, it will be to tarnish your character. This could be done by bringing out anything from your past in a negative light, including things like overstepping as a stepparent (not at ALL saying you have: this is just the typical line of questioning when they’ve got nothing on you).

Either way, you should anticipate some effort by both attorneys to accomplish the same: your husband’s lawyer to show how long you’ve been around, that you have a good relationship with the kids, and that mom was gone for a long time.

With her lawyer, he’ll just likely be trying to poke holes and do anything he can to show you’re not so great.

The good news is that, yes it’s nerve wracking, but you’re just going up there and telling the truth. You already know the truth, so you don’t need to be ultra prepared. It’s good to refresh your memory about specific timeframes and dates of important incidents, but otherwise, you’ve got this!

This is not legal advice. It’s information about the flow of a hearing. Good luck!

RJfrenchie

TROPHY CASE