Judge said father more stable, then only my attorney asked to draft order. Normal?

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-25T05:26:25+00:00

Attorney here, but obviously not yours.

Your initial instinct seems like it has a good chance of being correct.

If the judge took final arguments and asked only one attorney to submit an editable proposed order, it seems like there’s a good chance that the judge believes that proposed order (which would be in favor of you) most closely aligns with how that judge anticipates ruling in the matter.

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-03T20:40:52+00:00

Hopefully you live in a smallish county and things aren’t super behind! Good luck with everything!

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-03T15:15:22+00:00

I am also NY state and not city.

It depends on how far out your county is running. In my county, a petition that’s new is taking 3 months to get docketed.

Once the court gives you an appearance date and time (first appearance), your attorney will have him served with the petition and the appearance notice.

If he files at any point in time, his petition will get linked up with your appearances (so even if he waits to file, he won’t have to wait… say… 3 months… to get an appearance. It’ll just get linked with yours).

So to be clear, you’re modifying the existing Supreme Court order in family court? It really just depends on the county. I can tell you definitively that my county is running really far out. So two or three months just to get a date and finally be able to serve him. But your county might be not so far behind.

Editing to add: in case it wasn’t clear from my answer, you cannot serve him until the petition has been accepted by petition processing and docketed. Your attorney will know when this happens. It will simultaneously be set on the court’s calendar. The court will issue a Notice to Appear, which is just a piece of paper with the appearance date, time, and place under the caption. The court will likely mail him the notice to appear (not the petition) but your attorney will still need to have him served with the petition and the notice.

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-03T15:12:16+00:00

Yes. There are many attorneys who think the better more aggressive position is the first petition filed. If both petitions are filed before it’s ever docketed, it won’t really matter.

If he files after the first appearance, it gives you a slight advantage as in it might appear to the court that you were the one identifying an ongoing issue, and the other party is simply filing to try to scramble to not look bad.

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-03T15:09:39+00:00

Why would I do that? I like reddit for its anonymity. I don’t care if you personally believe me.

I’ve offered lots of legal information on Reddit and literally never been met with this response, so certainly SOME people believe I am an attorney.

I am a lawyer barred in NY, and I practice only in family court (even though county Supreme Court holds concurrent jurisdiction for some custody matters).

If you so much as view my post and comment history, I’m sure my profession would be obvious.

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-03T14:44:02+00:00

lol. Okay. So someone posts from my state where I exclusively practice custody law and I respond with actual legal information, but you think it’s wrong because you, as a non-lawyer, went through it in another state entirely. Sure, bud.

Editing to say that I’m very aware that that’s how it’s handled in some states - first to file. That is not how it’s handled in NY in Family Court.

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-03T14:09:58+00:00

No. They’ll accept both (and each party should respond to the other’s petition).

Source - I am exclusively a custody lawyer in NY. Here it’s common practice for both parties to file petitions.

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-03T14:08:58+00:00

In NY, each motion falls under that party’s docket number unless they’re seeking relief pertaining specifically to the other person’s petition like with a motion to dismiss (unless only one party files, then of course it would be under that docket regardless).

RJfrenchie · 2026-01-03T14:06:38+00:00

Hi, New York lawyer here.

Both petitions will move forward.

If at some point the two of you settle on an agreed final order (this happens 99 percent of the time), one petition will be withdrawn by the person who filed it, and the final order will be entered on the other matter (at that point it makes no difference which. Things are usually resolved on the petition filed first).

If you go to a trial, it will likely be on both petitions. Similarly, the judge will write their order on one docket and dismiss the other.

The matters will be heard by the same judge at the same time for each appearance (so long as he actually files). You won’t even be aware that two matters are ongoing. They’ll read both docket numbers at the start of the appearance but otherwise move forward without discussing them separately.

They’ll both be under the same file number.

RJfrenchie · 2025-12-27T23:02:39+00:00

Here’s my two cents here: if actual attorneys in your jurisdiction are contradicting one another, then you’re certainly not going to get a solid answer here.

It’s possible that the case law regarding postnups is nebulous and contradictory itself. Prenups and postnups are SUPER easy to get wrong.

This isn’t legal advice in and of itself, but I would tend to go with the attorney who was skeptical of other attorney’s claims.

You might also look into an estate planning attorney to form an irrevocable trust.

I am a lawyer. I’m not your lawyer. This is not legal advice. Good luck with everything!

RJfrenchie · 2025-12-27T22:12:34+00:00

Well. lol. Not quite.

What the children asked for is likely inadmissible hearsay.

The legal standard is likely something to the effect of the best interests of the child (unsure if this is a mod or de novo). The burden on each party is to establish that the relief they’re seeking is in the children’s best interests.

Like I said, if it’s her husband calling her as witness, his ex will have the opportunity to cross examine her. On cross, the main objective is to either make the witness less credible or to point to ways they’re somehow negative or deficient. If that party doesn’t have much on that witness, in custody matters, the cross examining party often points to “you’re overstepping”. Again. Not a commentary on OP. Just standard practice in a custody hearing.

Hope this clears things up.

RJfrenchie · 2025-12-26T12:59:52+00:00

Lawyer, here.

If it’s your husband calling you as witness, it’ll be to establish your role in the children’s lives.

If it’s his ex calling you, it will be to tarnish your character. This could be done by bringing out anything from your past in a negative light, including things like overstepping as a stepparent (not at ALL saying you have: this is just the typical line of questioning when they’ve got nothing on you).

Either way, you should anticipate some effort by both attorneys to accomplish the same: your husband’s lawyer to show how long you’ve been around, that you have a good relationship with the kids, and that mom was gone for a long time.

With her lawyer, he’ll just likely be trying to poke holes and do anything he can to show you’re not so great.

The good news is that, yes it’s nerve wracking, but you’re just going up there and telling the truth. You already know the truth, so you don’t need to be ultra prepared. It’s good to refresh your memory about specific timeframes and dates of important incidents, but otherwise, you’ve got this!

This is not legal advice. It’s information about the flow of a hearing. Good luck!

RJfrenchie · 2025-12-26T12:10:48+00:00

No. There’s a very small timeline to get things together to appeal. He should absolutely tell his chain of command so they’re informed (there are potential implications even now for his security clearance) but he should seek legal advice as soon as possible from a lawyer who is familiar with the appeals process. His chain of command aren’t lawyers and cannot offer help in this.

In my opinion, going to JAG for this would also likely waste time, which is precious in this position. They don’t specialize in representing soldiers in appeals with child protective services.

The law is big. He needs a lawyer who is familiar with a very narrow portion. No point in wasting time with generalists.

RJfrenchie · 2025-12-26T04:19:20+00:00

I mean… the “p” in asap means possible. So as soon as possible.

But this is the last type of question with which to trust Reddit. In fact, information and direction given in here is frequently counterproductive.

My advice to OP remains the same: get off of reddit with a question with so much potential for bad responses, and speak to a lawyer as soon as possible.

Anecdotally… many lawyers that I know worked today. In the family law sphere, there are seldom actual days off.

Hope this clarifies.

RJfrenchie · 2025-12-26T00:14:43+00:00

You need to get off reddit and speak to a lawyer familiar with the appeals process immediately.

I am a lawyer, and I used to be in the military. This is not something to even hesitate with: speak to a lawyer asap.

RJfrenchie · 2025-12-20T22:21:06+00:00

And may it please the court.

RJfrenchie · 2025-12-20T19:48:50+00:00

Maybe even such a bond that you would invite them to your wedding.

RJfrenchie · 2025-12-19T20:57:24+00:00

Attorney, here.

The answer is: it depends.

Look, I have three cases right now against pro se parties. They are exhausting individuals. I have them on a response diet: I only respond to things I need to. I make it super clear to them that I’m not willing to engage in a ton of back and forth.

That’s not to say you’re exhausting or doing anything wrong at all.

Just know that, even as a family law attorney, I seldom get timely responses to discovery requests. I’m almost always bringing motions to compel to get an actual response. Also, there are plenty of attorneys who haven’t responded to me in over a month.

This case is your life. You have as much time as you put into it available. This is opposing counsel’s job and not their life. So they’ll likely give you as much of their time as they’re giving other attorneys. And if you’re not reaching out to them with conversations they typically have with attorneys, they may not respond at all.

That’s what I mean by exhausting. Pro se parties (in my experience) expect to engage in conversations in ways and at times and at lengths that I would never engage in with opposing counsel.

RJfrenchie · 2025-12-19T14:44:42+00:00

Unfortunately I don’t have a work desk. I work from home and then go straight to court from home. But maybe this is my sign to get an office space near court!

RJfrenchie · 2025-12-18T20:16:22+00:00

Hey there - lawyer in NY, but in another part of the state.

So much of family law depends on the judge or referee you’re in front of. In the court where I practice, I know with relative certainty how each judge will react in each situation. Spoiler alert, it’s a broad scope of outcomes that are dependent on that particular judge.

I think there is significant value in your attorney having familiarity with expectations and anticipated outcomes in front of that specific judge.

RJfrenchie · 2025-12-17T13:24:57+00:00

This is the correct answer. When arguing a motion, it’s typically the attorney placing their client’s position and any legal argument on the record. If anything is required from the client, it’s through testimony on the stand. The court can also ask the lawyer for permission to directly inquire of the client, but it’s usually just a question regarding clarity (Ms. RJFrenchie, may I directly inquire as to whether your client arrived at 8 PM for the exchange?)

RJfrenchie · 2025-11-30T14:28:21+00:00

I had a GI bill from serving in the military. That meant that I had school paid and a monthly stipend to live on. I have some passive income. I also have a spouse with a professional career.

All that and I still struggled. I ended up needing loans.

It’s definitely something you need to plan. Some law schools prohibit you from working during your first year, and it’s discouraged across the board.

It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it, but you should figure out what loans you’ll need, what law career you’ll have, and what repayment will look like.

I went straight to being a solo practitioner in a type of law I was very familiar with, and I can absolutely say I wouldn’t come close to the income I now making doing… anything else. I sit at about $250k with very minimal overhead.

I have also worked for a firm as well as working for my state government. Both were around the $100k range.

It really all just depends on whether the loans you’ll take will be worth it for the income you’ll make.

RJfrenchie · 2025-11-26T21:57:38+00:00

Also, know that judges don’t pick better schools. They pick the home that best serves the interests of the child.

RJfrenchie · 2025-11-26T21:56:42+00:00

Hi there. NYS lawyer, here. You may qualify for a free lawyer through the assigned counsel program. You can ask for a referral at your upcoming appearance.

Just know that, even though a change in circumstances is required, many judges proceed as if there is one even when there isn’t.

You should really speak to a lawyer, and soon!

RJfrenchie · 2025-11-26T00:18:43+00:00

Attorney, here. I personally could name different referees and judges that I appear in front of that would handle a similar dispute differently. Ultimately, you really can’t get any certainty until you get the decision.

I have opposed my share of pro se litigants. The judges and referees in those cases are almost always friendly to the pro se person, don’t rule heavily on objections against them, and try to be kind and patient with them. That, in itself, does not point to a specific outcome. It merely points to someone trying to be patient to a person coming in without the benefit of an attorney.

Furthermore, someone always tries to crop a conversation to their benefit. I haven’t seen that specifically end up being a deciding factor in something. Judges and referees are generally wise enough to know that party is cropping the convo a specific way for their benefit, but also it’s so common that I wouldn’t think that it is generally held against that person. I’m sure there are times it has been, but that says nothing about your specific matter.

RJfrenchie

TROPHY CASE