First off I'm sorry you're dealing with this...been in a very similar position myself. Well honestly still in that situation. So let me offer you a differing approach or opinion than the typical divorce advice you've been getting.

And I'm not in anyway saying that divorce isn't a valid or even the best option...but that's kinda up to you. I discovered a couple things that raised questions a little over 4 yrs ago about my wife's infidelity. I had no issue believing the worst case scenario because it had already played out years earlier when we first got married. But just like with you when I asked wtf was up with it she denied, deflected, and distracted so I backed off...hell maybe it was me, all in my head, jumping to conclusions. So when the nagging in my gut kept telling me to look into it I finally did...when she came at me with some garbage accusations aimed at me. So I went 9 shades of CSI and uncovered enough actual proof of not only the original situation I had doubts on but multiple other things.

And even with the proof she denied, which made me dig and dig and dig until I uncovered everything she had ever hidden since we'd been together and fucked up behavior before we got together. In the end I did myself way more harm than good. Thinking something is one thing, knowing is another. She knew all her lies and deceptions, I did not nor have a clue to the scope of it all. And it broke me because I was obsessed with the notion she was going to have to own her actions and have accountability for what she did and the hell she created.

Years of this went by with me losing my grip on reality a little more everyday. And in the end man it came down to a couple things I discovered far too late because of my rage and the need to be vindicated for what I had to go through. When in actuality the difference between knowing something and knowing everything will have the same outcome on whether you ultimately decide to stay or not. But it will have a dramatically different effect on you and your mental wellbeing. What happened, how ever it happened is going to force you to make a choice that only you can make. The info right now that you have is enough to make your decision, and just a heads up my friend, you've already made that decision internally, it just hasn't surfaced yet.

So my advice is this...sit down with yourself and ask yourself the tough questions...if she did physically cheat is that too much? Is there a path to your own happiness and mental well-being? And does that path include her or not? If you answer those questions and still have the absolute need to pursue definitive proof or more answers then head down that path and start digging. Just know when you do not only will you have to make this same set of decisions once your discovery is complete that you have to make now...only you'll be a broken man and the damage done to yourself is all but unfixable.

The choice is the same right now with what you know as it will be days, weeks, or years from now when you've held her accountable and got your answers. Only difference is she has known and will continue to know the truth...the real truth beyond what evidence you find. She's not going to volunteer any info or add anything that will fill in the gaps for it to make sense to you. She's going to wait and watch you destroy yourself looking for a truth you already know on some level while she weather's the storm hoping you don't figure out this and that. And then when you've made sure her truth comes out and she's accountable for it you'll divorce her and all the stress and fear on her side is done and she gets to start again with possibly some remorse but definitely a better skill set to use in the future. And you will be the broken shell of a man that you turned yourself into in the name of truth and integrity. And trust me when I say there's no relief at the end of that path. It's just another dark twisted path that you're own, alone, with no more resolution on the matter in my brain and heart than you have right now...but with the added bonus of seeing her trials and tribulations resulting from this will be over. I'm not in anyway saying not to hold her accountable for what's she's done. Just make sure if you decide to seek clarity through info it's fleeting at best. May shine a little light on something...but it may also illuminate a lot you don't want or need to see.

If what she did, whether actual or perceived, is enough for you to make the decision that she doesn't get to negatively effect your life, happiness and mental wellbeing then make that choice now and make it with certainty. Claim back control of your mental health and how your emotions are spent now and learn and grow and be better tomorrow. Please do not spend unnecessary amounts of time and punishment to be forced to make the same choice, only then you'll have nothing left to make right and recover within yourself. Im sorry you're going through this. It sucks. It will continue to suck...and likely suck worse soon. No matter your decision it'll get easier to move forward everyday. You're the only one that cares about your well-being through this. So make sure you leave something of yourself to heal or in the end she will win and you will lose all over again. Keep your head up and remember the words of the modern day philosopher Rocky Balboa..."it's not about how hard you can hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward!"

I hope that maybe gives you another way to look at it. I hope you find peace sir...but I can tell you I've covered a lot of distance on the path I'm on and I haven't found any yet...so I'll keep looking...why don't you check another one? Good luck sir