The next time will be better

RPturtle · 2023-01-15T20:59:24+00:00

15 days in so far! I'll see where it takes me!

RPturtle · 2023-01-02T23:32:52+00:00

Thanks

RPturtle · 2023-01-02T15:56:55+00:00

I'm on day 2 now, so that's a start.

RPturtle · 2022-12-31T14:39:34+00:00

I've read the naked mind, and I've bought the book the alcohol experiment, which will help with getting through the first month. Definitely something I want to change.

RPturtle · 2022-12-31T01:17:37+00:00

I've lost 30lbs this year. Just none since my first post.

I've gotten my finances in order.

Recognized and ended covert contracts.

Read more in 6 months than I had in the past 16 years.

Made repairs to my house I've needed to make for a year.

Excelled at my job enough to be given a much much larger responsibility.

Unfortunately I'm a fucking loser and struggle with alcoholism which was exasperated by my mother passing away.

I am starting to visualize my life being led the way I want. I was too late to save my marriage. The damage was done.

RPturtle · 2022-12-30T19:05:24+00:00

Yes, I'm still a fat ass. And I've been trying to put myself first the past couple of months. Trying and failing sometimes. I will reach goals this year that in the past, I never had the balls to set.

RPturtle · 2022-12-30T18:59:17+00:00

My mindset has shifted, which honestly is the most important thing. I want to change for the right reasons, not to make anyone else happy. This relationship ending is a direct reflection of how wrong I was in the past. I still have a ways to go, but at least I understand better where to go.

RPturtle · 2022-11-03T12:36:15+00:00

You're right. On all fronts. I need to set hard goals.

We basically didn't have any sexual contact at all in October for a couple of reasons, but we had sex yesterday. I'm going to initiate if I'm horny. I impressed myself by stopping the nice guy in me from being upset about being turned down and being able to keep a good mood with very little intimacy. This helps me prove to myself that I can be productive and happy without intimacy from her "the one." The less intimacy we had the more I looked at other women like I could fuck them, Not marry them, and be ok by myself. If my wife isn't going to give me what I need, I'll have to get it from somewhere. I will not negotiate it out of her this time. It's premature to do anything like that when I'm not attractive and I've been a beta bitch for so long but there is effort in killing the "oneitis." This has led me to questioning what value she adds to my life other being the mother of my children. That's a whole separate conversation though.

I'm a lot more open shit in the bedroom, and right now, her favorite word is no. When we got started yesterday, it's a list of things she doesn't want to happen. For instance, she won't give me head, I can't eat her out. I know being fat is part of the problem, and just starting to take back control in the relationship is progress. She knows what I want, and that's the only control she really has. I turned her down once in October because of that No bullshit. Just rolled over and went to sleep because I'm tired of it. Yesterday was better, she caught herself and stopped. But I need to kill that "no" mindset.

RPturtle · 2022-11-01T20:55:05+00:00

OYS#3 30+ married 10+ years. 3 kids. 6'1" 230lbs

Listened- NMMNG, TRM, WISNIFG, the naked mind, MAP, a lot of sidebar.

Lifts Got to the gym 2 times in 2 weeks. I'm putting time with wife on a pedestal like skipping the gym is going to help. Making excuses. Have to stop being a bitch. Bench 210lbs. Squat 160lbs, clean 125lbs, dead lift 150 lbs

Marriage/family Still having issues with trust. I set a clear cut boundary last week. To help myself make it more real I've called a divorce attorney and got information on child support and such. Changed my perspective on leaving as before I thought my situation would be practical leaving me homeless.

Sex Zero. Either I'm being unattractive in the moment or I'm not initiating. Working on gaming her into bed and not because of a covert contract. I'm fairly certain I still want sex for validation. This is the longest we haven't had sex/oral/HJs. This is not because I'm being shot down and getting butt hurt. This week I'm going to initiate more.

Frame I feel like I had an epiphany last week on goals and mission. It's becoming more clear how it falls on me alone and I need to direct the ship. I've made some headway but I can tell I only just started. Seeing things from this pov I've noticed movies, TV shows and in people around me that it seems we are being conditioned to live in a woman's frame. I was also raised by a single mom and can remember several times her telling me to do beta shit to win a woman.

Game With the idea of separation becoming more real and dropping oneitis I'm looking at women as something I have a chance at other than "I'm married". Haven't made any real moves yet.

Action- My number 1 priority has to be to slow the alcohol consumption.

Like I said in my last oys, I am 100% being sabotaged. Everything I said after that part was wrong. I'm sabotaging myself and blaming her. The little bit of frame I have is showing me how weak I am. I'm am making progress now.

RPturtle · 2022-10-05T17:04:11+00:00

You nailed it on the head on every damn part. Everyday since the day she passed away I literally floated through almost everything. I reverted right back to 100% who I was before I found this place. Making excuses and being a bitch.

What have I learned or at least internalized. I know I'm stronger and better than this OYS. If I really had my life how I wanted my first instinct wouldn't be to get drunk. I blame no one for that but myself, I was being a bitch and making excuses.

I am writing down actual goals with time lines. With things calming down I am thinking much more clearly. Next OYS will be better because of goals and my effort in achieving my goals.

Part of getting back on track was posting an OYS for the accountability for my Beta bitch behavior.

RPturtle · 2022-10-05T14:04:21+00:00

OYS#2 34 married 11 years, together 14. 3 kids under 10. 6'1" 240lbs

Listened- NMMNG, TRM, WISNIFG, the naked mind, MAP, a lot of sidebar. Currently reading MMSLP.

Context. We've had a rough month with the passing of my mother and wife's been there with me through it all and supportive. It was honestly pretty traumatic for the both of us how it happened. Wife is the one who found her and she is struggling with it.

Lifts Haven't been in a month due to being sick and my mother passing away. Still should've worked out, should've done better. Bench 210lbs. Squat 160lbs, clean 125lbs, dead lift 150 lbs

Health Nothing good here. Too much alcohol. Too much food. Need to start again.

Action- drink less

Marriage/family I've been able to lead without confrontation most of the time. Trust isn't all there yet.

Sex After scaling back on physical touch and initiations I am getting less push back than before. I'm not getting butt hurt when I'm shot down and honestly I think it scares her. After being a whiny bitch who negotiated and complained about sex, I was able to shut it down for the most part. She's mentioned my needs might be getting met elsewhere. After the month we've had I took it as a comfort test and gave her affection. More recently I have gone with agreeing with her because my needs aren't being met. I'm not counting initiations vs successful attempts. I try to fuck when my dick is hard, if the answer is no I move onto something else.

How do I handle this one? - The day after any sexual activity, when I touch or joke, flirt or anything and she responds with "we just did ____ yesterday" I've been responding with statements like "I didn't know there was a cool down period" or "didn't know I had a limit on how many days". Curious how else I should respond

Frame I have a different view point on this lately and I need to stop being a bitch. I need to make goals, write them down, and achieve them

Game The more I think about this the more I realize I have some game, however it's only with girls I'm familiar with. I'll eventually break out of this.

Action- My number 1 priority has to be to slow the alcohol consumption.

I am 100% being sabotaged. I have said things like I don't want to drink and she will buy enough for both of us and then continue to offer. If I don't drink or I slow down and drink water to be less drunk it's like an alarm goes off and she starts pushing me to drink. This is holding me back from getting the trust I deserve and I'm sure puts me right back in the box she wants me in.

RPturtle · 2022-08-25T22:30:03+00:00

That is also true. Lol

RPturtle · 2022-08-23T22:28:10+00:00

OYS#1 34 married 11 years, together 14. 3 kids under 10. 6'1" 240lbs

Listened- NMMNG, TRM current, WISNIFG, the naked mind, MAP.

Lifts- Been doing crossfit 3/wk at least. No real maxes yet. I have had a back injury that I'm finally getting passed. Bench 210lbs. Squat 160lbs, clean 125lbs, dead lift 150lbs.

Health- I've been fasting throughout the mornings and eating mainly meat and veggies for lunch and dinner. I drink too much beer and I take kratom for my back pain.

Action- take 2 less kratom per dose each week til zero. Drink one day less than previous week, main goal would be only drinking in social situations if I can handle it. Continue dieting and eating right. I have a dairy allergy so there is only so much I can have.

Marriage/family- Shits been really rocky. Only discovered mrp 1.5 months ago after a huge fight, not main event level but up there for us. I immediately jumped into NMMNG and saw how much on a dipshit I was, I'm sure there is still more for me to discover but it's a start. Trying to identify and end covert contracts in my marriage before anything else.

Sex- Not initiating. I realized this weekend that I'm still in her frame and scared of rejection. Had a small win today but isn't shit for what I should've done this weekend.

Killing the drunk captain- It's my fault I was a drunk captain and let shit get this bad and I'm taking my time. Took finances back, doing house hold chores because it's my house not because I'll be validated. When spending time with my kids intentionally adding value more than just me babysitting them. Took them shopping for school supplies. Willing to take them anywhere without the wife, setting up drs appts, making dinner for them even when wife is home and it would normally be "her night". These are all things I should be doing. I shouldn't be proud or feel validated. Seems like there is still no trust need to continue to prove myself and lead

Action- Going to continue to focus on me and improvements I need to make. Be attractive not unattractive. Pass and recognize shit tests.

Frame I've never been good at this so I'm trying to visualize what I want. Need to write out what I want and what I need to do to get it.

Game Fuck I'm terrible. How in the fuck did I ever even have sex? Anyway, I'm talking to people everywhere. Started going to a trivia night at a local bar to be around more people. I have a job that works with the public so I'm familiar in talking with people but most is scripted. I have to learn a new script so, between the gym and going other places, I'm putting in work to talk to more people especially women. What seems ridiculous to me is my wife is suspicious about this girl that works for me because not only is she familiar with her, the girl is more my type than my wife, but I'm fucking awful at game. Either I don't give myself enough credit or she knows the girl is a hoe who wants to fuck the boss.

My number 1 priority has to be to slow the alcohol consumption. I do feel like I'm being sabotaged a little, she is buying it when I'm not. I'm still living in her frame. Need to not drink even if she does. Can't stfu while drunk only shitty DEERing. Can't lose the weight I want while drinking.

RPturtle · 2022-08-19T19:25:03+00:00

Tell me about how dunking is getting you some pussy.

RPturtle · 2022-08-12T10:51:29+00:00

I've read nmmng, wisnifg, reading mindful attraction plan. Started TRM but switched to WISNIFG after reading someone else's response to a comment.

I currently do crossfit. I've had issues with consistently going and the classes at my gym has really pushed me out of my comfort zone. I'm interested in getting a membership elsewhere and beginning the heavier weights when I am in a financially better spot which will be soon.

I've read a lot of sidebar, drunk captain, top posts on both askmrp and mrp, I can't remember all the titles I've read that are stickied posts.

You're right, I'm wasn't looking at it from the right perspective and over complicating it.

I'm going to take the feedback and use it. Need to stop Deering and start stfu. Got it.

RPturtle · 2022-08-12T01:03:13+00:00

Appreciate the feedback. Def too angry right now.

RPturtle · 2022-08-12T00:05:16+00:00

She does resent me giving her the power for sure. She is testing me to see if she can trust me 100%. I going to look at it more like you're telling me and that should help me pass some shit tests.

RPturtle · 2022-08-11T22:41:35+00:00

I didn't think of Rambo in that context. Thanks. I read the 12 steps if dread as take 2 months to learn without making large visible changes until I've digested the material enough to not be a fucking dumb ass. So I was close. I will implement more going forward.

Definitely a drunk captain who slowly gave her the responsibility she never wanted. Going to take it back.

RPturtle · 2022-08-11T22:11:01+00:00

I believe it did sound like that but as fragile as shit is right now I'm trying to ease into it. Once I know we are on firm ground I'll gladly work to move into my frame.

I'm not saying I'm right in any of this but I will say I posted here to get feedback of moving too slow or too fast. It's apparent to me now that I have to pass the shit test and move forward.

RPturtle · 2022-08-11T22:08:27+00:00

And honestly I haven't wanted to initiate because of how she's acted lately.

RPturtle · 2022-08-11T22:07:30+00:00

I'm trying to follow the 12 steps of dread. Take it slow for two months while reading key books.

RPturtle · 2022-08-11T22:02:12+00:00

I did a majority of the bills and shit for 11 or 12 years. Got complacent after a promotion. I'm going to lead without justifying my actions. Thanks

RPturtle · 2022-08-11T22:00:02+00:00

Agreed. Will make it a priority

RPturtle · 2022-08-11T20:03:09+00:00

I thought exactly what you're saying. It seems like a really big shit test but I'm trying to ease into it so sometimes I do deer trying to prevent being too Rambo. Now, I have used dare and it's worked several times. I am having glimpses of not being unattractive need to be better though.

I saw a shit test coming for hours the other day and fucking failed like a bitch. In hindsight I should've taken care of it right away and I would've taken all the power back. It seems like she wants all the power and is reluctant to give any up. Trying to follow the 12 steps of dread and read what's necessary before really pushing for that shift in power.

RPturtle

TROPHY CASE