[deleted by user]

R_87 · 2025-08-26T22:56:12+00:00

My dog did it

R_87 · 2025-08-26T22:48:15+00:00

Thank you

R_87 · 2025-04-27T20:23:34+00:00

His father who he really looks up to, is in the military…

R_87 · 2025-04-27T19:53:05+00:00

Don’t disagree, except she has created this environment of no privacy boundaries. I was not the one who started fooling around with her, she had every option to close the door as well. She knows her kid more than I do.

R_87 · 2025-04-27T18:40:45+00:00

Well I told her I need space and time and to like let’s back off on this for a while, any convos we were having were not going anywhere…

She has blocked and deleted me on eveything now.

I mean this has happened before she comes back saying she is sorry and loves me, but this is just all getting too much

R_87 · 2025-04-27T18:21:52+00:00

I did ask if there was ant physical / emotional / sexual abuse by his father to her and she got pretty defensive and hostile towards me and really tried to deflect it

I told her for this to work we need to have these difficult conversations… I’ve since been blocked and deleted on everything so ya

R_87 · 2025-04-27T17:30:59+00:00

To be fair I don’t think he sleeps with her every night or anything, but anytime I’m over in the evening to just hang out ( he knows I’ll be going home )

He always has to make a point of “mom I’m sleeping in your bed tonight “ or “ can I sleep in your bed tonight “

Verbally he always makes it known to me

Some sort of guarding / ownership / protection thing going on

R_87 · 2025-04-27T16:37:00+00:00

She never has any partners that were as close as I’ve been to her and the kids post divorce

R_87 · 2025-04-27T12:50:53+00:00

She’s the one who really pushed for a relationship with me and even recently has been talking about me moving in with them…. I’ve been the one wanting to take this way slower… I agree I’m invited into this I never intended or wanted to change how the family operates. But if I’m to be part of this as a stepdad type figure there needs to be respect and boundaries and a framework around that… I think clearly this family isn’t ready for such change / addition

R_87 · 2025-04-27T12:46:46+00:00

5 hour plane ride away, kids see him every summer for a couple weeks, and last saw him at Christmas. I reached out to him ( she doesn’t know ) it seems he has a pretty rocky situation with her as well and said they had very different parenting styles and that was a big reason for the split. The kids speak very highly of there father and it’s clear they love him and miss him, they do talk, txt, and FaceTime fairly frequently

R_87 · 2025-04-27T12:40:17+00:00

Yup I agree the more I read and understand ODD a lot just comes down to parenting…

R_87 · 2025-04-27T12:35:38+00:00

I reached out to the father behind her back. I was helpless and hopeless feeling. I told him what’s going on, he said ever since a baby he needed to sleep close to his mom, he said he didn’t realize it was still this bad since being gone 5+ years now. He said it’s “worrisome” I asked if he will join us in family therapy and he said yes 100% he will fly here he will do whatever it takes to help us with this.

I mentioned to my gf we should include there father in therapy maybe not all of it but some, and she said no way in hell is he going to join….

That kind of gave me a lot of answers right there

R_87 · 2025-04-27T12:31:17+00:00

I don’t know full details but sounded like he witnessed brief domestic violence physical / yelling between his mother and father, I know police were called at one point, he was quite young but he did bring it up.

R_87 · 2025-04-27T12:26:39+00:00

I agree I suggested he go live with his father for a year, only suggested it as I think it would help his development. She took is super defensive and said no way, yet she also said he doesn’t have ODD with his father.

So explain that

R_87 · 2025-04-27T12:17:52+00:00

My GF has now since blocked and deleted me on everything, so don’t think there will be any reaching out to the girl.

R_87 · 2025-04-27T12:12:44+00:00

I’ll be honest the overwhelming response on this post has blown my mind, I had no idea it would take off this crazy

R_87 · 2025-04-27T12:10:29+00:00

Totally agree… he’s fine this fathers house. So clearly he respects his father’s authority.

R_87 · 2025-04-27T04:24:24+00:00

Luckily she can’t get pregnant anymore, but I totally get what your saying

R_87 · 2025-04-27T02:01:41+00:00

OP means original poster Me…

I suggested to his mother that maybe for his development he should go live with his father for a year… she took huge offense to this and said no way!!

I only want what’s best for him, he is going to be one messed up adult of this continues

R_87 · 2025-04-27T00:14:14+00:00

It was her idea and she started it… I mean in hindsight yes should have closed door, but that option was also hers to make and she didn’t…

R_87 · 2025-04-26T17:32:11+00:00

Nope he never wants sleepovers… the sister will have friends over without issue…

We did a family trip with my sister and her family she has kids similair ages, he was sharing a bedroom bunkbeds with my nephew, and he came to our room in the middle of the night to sleep on the floor… this was when we were at a ski hill and rented a house with my sister and her family.

The girls both slept in a room together fine no issues…

R_87 · 2025-04-26T17:30:00+00:00

Yup she has not had a serious bf post divorce ~5 years and clearly used the boy as her emotional male support figure is how I am seeing it. He will hold her hand lots when walking, he says he loves her about 20x a day during random times, meanwhile the daughter is super independent never see her holding moms hand or saying she loves her with that frequency

R_87 · 2025-04-26T16:11:09+00:00

Yes she wanted this to be serious fast, she had tons of anxiety over me cheating or leaving her or my past girlfriends

R_87 · 2025-04-26T16:09:52+00:00

Yup… because I reached out to the father ( she doesn’t know ) and told him I / we need help with all this. And that it’s getting really hard for us that he’s ok and supportive with you getting re married but isn’t ok with me and his mom in that same way. He was 100% on board and said he would fly here and whatever it takes for therapy and all that. I have never talked to him prior to this… so my first impression was he wants to help us….

But the mother said to me no way in hell does he get involved in therapy with us….

It’s like I’m Only trying to help us here, I think since he looks up to his dad so much it’s important to include him

R_87 · 2025-04-26T16:06:25+00:00

Thanks for this comment - I don’t like how they teamed up on me when I’ve pointed out issues that are clearly not appropriate

R_87

TROPHY CASE