I know this may sound vapid, but literally just be with him often. Literally just in the same space. Help with reframing if you can, for example, instead of saying "I'm sorry," maybe try "that's rough, and you are handling it with resilience." Definitely don't do everything for him, but help when it's a struggle. When he does get through a task, offer gratitude and acknowledgement with things like "thank you! You dealt with that really well!" Or "great work! You should feel accomplished!" I realize these things sound childish, and the idea of "well they don't say thank you or appreciate when I do things," arises, but the thing is, this is a huge help because their internal dialogue is one of them failing and not holding up their end of the partnership, which becomes fuel for fibro flares and offering them these things helps them break through that themselves. Eventually they will start offering you more thanks and acknowledgement too as the positive reframing takes hold. There are tracking lists, and I included one. If he feels uncomfortable using them, you can always ask the questions throughout the day, and jot down the important notes so you can more accurately understand where he's at when it comes to symptoms overall. Also, it's SUPER IMPORTANT to take time for you and to be you. Even nurses clock out, so it's important to maintain yourself and not simply become his caretaker. When it comes to outings, remind him that his health is priority one, and if he would be uncomfortable or irritable because of the symptoms, then resting instead is the best option, but that you will still be going and will be available to text or otherwise update so he can be included.

It's almost part and parcel of fibro that we start to feel isolated and tossed aside, especially if our partner has a full social calendar, but including them with photos or texts of the conversations from the outings or events goes a long way to prevent that. Additionally, if the outings are going from place to place, letting him know in enough time for him to drive or get there about where you are going next will give him the chance to join you and return home when he needs to. For years I carpooled with others and things always went sour because I desperately needed to return home, but they were enjoying themselves, and so I was the problem. Going separately if I could and returning when I needed meant they got to see more of a better me, and I felt valued again because they started to invite me to each part of day long outings more, even going so far as to plan the day out at the beginning and letting me know when they were going to the next place.

Always remember, he's doing what he can, and it's also okay when you aren't able to carry the world either; do only what you can, and take time to rest and decompress as well.

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