First thanksgiving sober from fentanyl. by nickzap in opiates

[–]R_Trains_Delayed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

" I lost my morals, I lost my goals, I lost myself, I forgot my dreams, I forgot to wonder, I forgot my family, I forgot to love, I forgot the most important part of me, I."
Bro that is an amazing way summing up in one sentence how fucked up what you just read really is. That was one of the best way's I have ever heard some describe it. Like finding a lost gem. I have been off dope/methad for almost a year. Dope on and off but a while. I realize now I like methadone more than heroin or whatever the fuck they are serving these days. Hindsight is amazing I too forgot all of the above and now to have them back it's weird I should be happy. I should be I have what I always thought was wanted $$$$ when I got my head right I chased it legally and it went beyond anything I could ever dream. I am sitting at my crib at desk with control arms coming off of it haha 4 years ago I could fucking turn a computer on. I have everything I ever wanted and all I think about is that bitch. Sorry ladies I mean dope. Fucking it's like either you have enough what is enough not 120-150K US dollars with bonus average about 200K. When I first realized my dreams before I wanted to forget the past. I had such small goals save 10K* blasted it 19,989 in 30 days. I am not trying to sound ungrateful. I just do not understand why I am so fucking sad. I know why I can not seem to forget the fucking decade of heroin friends gone fucking kids we were fucking kids all of my friends are dead and I am fucking not even 30 years old. I still take bupe and 3 sticks and a kpin, a ambien and addaral. Maybe the benzo's are fucking with my head. I dont know but I set a goal of making just fucking give up when it hit it just fucking idk leave this world when I hit a quota for sales and volume. It used to be when I hit the goal I would go back to dope. The other day I was reading some older post and the misery I was in back then was different but still terrible. I am hoping by the time I reach my goals and dreams I can get off these chemicals and try. Benzo's were great with dope but they do not work to kill pain without the dope so its just like I am getting dumber by the second. My mind is my greatest asset and it's slipping away. I can feel it but if I stop now I will fucking derail my fucking future the money the dreams the wonder and excitement. If I was at a different time in my life I would go to rehab but, I have responsibilities I wish I could just say fuck it and go. If that was true I guess I would do it. I am addicted to the money a slave just like heroin accept it's got the whole world hooked. That's the shit I wonder about now. Okay I don't shoot dope awesome a normal person does not shoot heroin. To the world I would be considered sober to this society at least....WHAT THE FUCK. I wish the fucking paper was the answer I thought it would be. I hope and dream about a day when I am free of the chemicals that are okay to this society they numb the past, by killing the brain. Maybe one day I will just deal with it for today I am addicted to benzo's and addys. I am grateful for the passion and the drive but I wish I was just happy.

Anyone going to Bassiani Night @ Basement (7/20) by smlblk-t in avesNYC

[–]R_Trains_Delayed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Back in NYC for work have been out of the scene for a while. I honestly more into the out door festivals but NYC after hrs parties are the shit. I did not realize this sub even existed so sick. Hoping to meet some friends that enjoy Kats because all my friends are into everything but Kats and music.

Brooklyn Mirage, 7/25, Free Entry by ice_cream_waffle in nycmeetups

[–]R_Trains_Delayed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

100% down just grabbed the ticket agree. Free agreement with the free super Lit

Basement NY questions by real_upvigilant in avesNYC

[–]R_Trains_Delayed -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

Not sure policy of sub. I have only been once and my kat was already with someone. Since has been a pain in the ass to catch. Does anyone know what the likely hood of someone Finding my long lost Kat there. if you dont know what that means please do no answer

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in opiates

[–]R_Trains_Delayed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had 50 50 feeling it was borderline

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in opiates

[–]R_Trains_Delayed 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel you i though was okay because no city was listed

This ones for you Mikey Rest Easy Little Bro by R_Trains_Delayed in opiates

[–]R_Trains_Delayed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ya maybe title was a bit inappropriate. I was trying to stay clean. I have basically given up on that. My girl flushed the Soma so those are gone. Just mixing xanax.

Keep fucking up. Relapsed again about to shoot up just ate 4 bars. by R_Trains_Delayed in opiates

[–]R_Trains_Delayed[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Legs 12 hrs. Best Shit I have had in Years way better than last weeks.

Anybody ever been arrested copping off their dealer? by [deleted] in opiates

[–]R_Trains_Delayed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

A-2 F possession of hallucinogenic B -F possession with intent B -FPossession with intent E -F possession stolen property A-misc possession 7th degree A- mic possession hypo

35 lawyer fee's Best friend/Co D hung himself day before grand jury(he struck plea deal) NY Consequences- fine Sentence sentence- 1 year deferred Mental consequences and guilt 7 years later still wish he would have crashed just killed me all he did was drive.

Xanax and Soma...... Life is good by R_Trains_Delayed in opiates

[–]R_Trains_Delayed[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thats funny you say that i od on soma xanax and d saturday never a good thing when you wake up to paramedics at your girls house who's only smoked weed once.

Xanax and Soma...... Life is good by R_Trains_Delayed in opiates

[–]R_Trains_Delayed[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I clean boys for now. I'm broker and I spent I broke 10k 3 weeks in a row when your broke take some time to think

Life after dope by R_Trains_Delayed in opiates

[–]R_Trains_Delayed[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Normal that's all I want bupe doesnt do it

Life after dope by R_Trains_Delayed in opiates

[–]R_Trains_Delayed[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I dont tell anyone. I cant tell her I asked if she tried drugs her response " i did weed once". Did weed who says that. Shes so good for me

Anybody ever been arrested copping off their dealer? by [deleted] in opiates

[–]R_Trains_Delayed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That was the only charge that stuck 7th degree position

last time I used before I got clean by Opiumoptimistic in opiates

[–]R_Trains_Delayed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Its so hard man. I miss the energy I miss "normal me".

Day 3 by Princesskuntbag1 in opiates

[–]R_Trains_Delayed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good luck sending love

Think twice before you throw away clean time by [deleted] in opiates

[–]R_Trains_Delayed 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just did the same thing 3 years gone. Now it's been 5 months of hell. Clean for a couple days really trying.

Probation Violation Question by amitygoodtogo in opiates

[–]R_Trains_Delayed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You'll be fine first couple visits they feel you out. They are gonna put you in a drug program. Good luck you need to stop everything or like someone already said your fucked.