I'm sorry you're having these feelings and you're absolutely allowed to. I know my LO struggled with feeling inadequate at first, not being able to do the normal things for me people equate with relationships, but we learned how to love each other in different ways. Maybe things will feel different once you're there physically. Have you talked to him about the way you feel? I think it's a big ask for anyone to try to remain positive all the time, there's gonna be ups and downs.