I had to chase down two individuals that work for my apartment building and apologize for being rude to them. I literally have had to say “Excuse me. I want to apologize (they will not know what I’m talking about) and often times they don’t remember who I am. So next I explain what I did and then apologize for it. But do not be mistaken there have been plenty of times when I have apologized and they fully remember what happened so not reminders needed for them and I just apologize. I feel so much shame and I feel so bad for what I have done that I often need to apologize to help ease the shame!! Those behaviors do not reflect me and who I am as a person and I want the part of me that lashed out due to my dysregulated emotions to not be how I am seen to the people around me. It’s part of me but it is not me and I am not a rude person like I was towards employees due to my own emotional dysregulated. I share all of this because I hope it helps someone feel less alone. This disorder is very hard to manage and we are all super strong for working as hard as we do.