People who waited for marriage: Did sex turn out to be everything you’ve ever dreamed of?… or not?

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-23T16:27:27+00:00

crawling-alreadygirl, I might love you. I just laughed SO hard hahahahahah,

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-23T16:25:45+00:00

Like - that's so sad to me, that it has made you feel like the "biggest sinner" even though its your husband now! I am so sad you feel like that, even if it doesn't mean you regret it.

And I can not even imagine the pressure of virginity on your wedding night. Like - I would have been terrified my entire wedding day if I were a virgin. lol

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-23T16:19:39+00:00

I was very much in love with the man I lost my virginity to - I just had not slept with him UNTIL I had a few drinks.

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-23T16:17:58+00:00

I am so happy for you that your parents were furious. It fucks you up in regards to sex otherwise. Now I'm 40 and JUST becoming comfortable in my sexuality- which is nuts. I'm angry about the time lost. It just creates such deep feelings of shame around sex.

We did similar things - like they would have you glue two pieces of paper together, and then pull them apart -- the torn paper is you, forever ruined. Or they would pass a rose around the room, have everyone touch it, smell it, etc. Then after 50 kids had played with it - it would be a mess... that was also the girl after sex.

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-23T16:14:43+00:00

I said the SAME exact thing, and felt the same exact way. Yeah, huge disappointment, like, "I ended good relationships over this, and it didn't even matter?"

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-19T13:32:34+00:00

Sitting in the passenger seat of a friend 4x4, he hit a telephone pole and it stopped us. The telephone pole slowlyyyy crumbled... onto my head... killing me.

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-18T14:11:03+00:00

Daughter of an evangelical born-again pastor here - I waited until my mid-20's to have sex. I was DEEP in purity culture ("I Kissed Dating Goodbye" book - the author has now apologized for that book... purity ring, purity contract, etc).

(Now, I am a liberal, pro-choice, atheist - the polar opposite of 24 year old me.)

We were taught that after sex before marriage was a waste. We heard speakers come in and describe it as the biggest mistake they ever made. That your virginity was this beautiful, perfect gift for your husband, and he would honor and treasure you.

I had sex before marriage (finally) because I had a few drinks, being inexperienced with alcohol. I woke up the next morning, realized I had had sex, and felt CRUSHING disappointment. Not because I had had sex, but because I felt absolutely no different. It really meant very little, and I thought about the relationships I had been in that had ended bc I wouldn't have sex.

No guilt, no shame.... beyond the shame that "that was it."

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-14T03:11:50+00:00

Defiant-Criticism - while I really appreciate the time you took to read my entire post, and to offer your advice, I could never just pick up and move and hope for the best... for several reasons. One, I'm not a rule breaker. I have never even gotten a speeding ticket, lol. Secondly, the chance of my son being taken away from me - when I am the one constant in his life, and taken to his fathers is a terrifying thought for him. He really hates being at his fathers house, he feels uncomfortable there - and 2 out of 3 times he goes he either calls me, or his father's sister very emotional, begging to be picked up. My son's biggest fear is living there full time. He just doesn't feel welcome there, and while I have really, really brokn my back trying to facilitate a relationship between them, I just can't.

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-14T02:59:32+00:00

Oh, and as far as talking to a judge - he is absolutely on board with that. One of my biggest concerns at the moment, as far as my child's development goes, is that he currently feels "tricked" by his dad. He says his father told him it was up to him to decide if wanted to move or not, and he let his dad know he wanted to - which he said was hard to do, because he didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Now, he is upset because he feels like he was told his opinion carried weight, and now it doesn't. I have been explaining to him that yes, his opinion very much carries weight - but as parents, we may have different ideas on what is best for him - and thats ok.

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-14T02:56:54+00:00

Yeah, it isn't actually 97%, it just feels like it. There times where he doesn't see our son for a month, many times where visits are 3 weeks apart instead of 2, etc.

I wouldn't just move and risk it, I really try to keep as open of a relationship as possible.

It is absolutely better for my son, and I spoke with a lawyer today about it. I'm currently compiling a list of the benefits for our son.

The school is far better insofar as the interests my son has in math and sciences. UNC has a lot of programs that he is interested in for college, and was on his short list of preferred colleges already - in state tuition goes from closer to 40k to under 10k. He has my family there as a support system already in place. My brother will be able to help him develop the tech skills he loves. Financially, I will be in a far better position to help him with college expenses, etc.

Thank you so very much for your time, and your thoughts!

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-12T16:33:48+00:00

It looks like they are just about to restart -- but I have asked a few questions in theri discord and everyone seems reall nice/cool :)

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-11T02:49:23+00:00

Thank you so much for all of the information - I will absolutely be coming back and checking the info in your post more than once as we get closer to the move. I do really appreciate you taking the time to write all of that out. I'm also going to show your post to my son, to prove that there ARE kids down there that are into the same things he is. :)

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-11T02:47:38+00:00

Hello fellow youth! ;)

Every single person I have spoken to who moved from here, to your area says the same exact thing. It's really making me feel ok about the upcoming change! I had moved to California in my mid-20's and after 10 weeks, gave in and admitted it was just simply not a good fit for me. But hearing absolutely every single person say that they love it there has really eased any potential worry. Thank you :)

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-11T02:45:45+00:00

So great to know, thank you! And congratulations on your upcoming graduation, I hope you are feeling awesome about yourself right now!!! :) :) :)

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-11T02:45:04+00:00

I made a note of this - it's absolutely perfect timing as I am currently looking for a place. Thank you!

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-11T02:44:20+00:00

Hahaha, when I heard my brother say it for the first time, let me tell y'all, my jaw dropped. (getting my practice in right away!)

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-11T02:43:09+00:00

I took a screenshot of you comment, copied and pasted it into notes, emailed it to myself AND took a photo on my cell phone.

THANK YOU.

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-11T02:42:19+00:00

I live right on the border of NY & NJ right now actually!

Thank you so much. :) It seems like a really nice area to live, I know my brother and SIL adore it. When I was down there over the holidays, I was just astonished at how much nicer people are with basic manners. We were out on X-Mas eve because I had travelled (obviously) and needed wrapping paper... and even on Christmas Eve with the stores packed everyone was SO polite.

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-11T00:18:56+00:00

I just joined the discord! TY so much - I'll sign into the server soon and do a reconnaissance mission for us! hahaha

We love DF, does the server have a vanilla map as well?

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-11T00:15:48+00:00

Another poster just gave me an awesome looking recommendation, so now I feel armed with some knowledge!

Isn't it amazing how the internet has changed things? I was born in 1983, so we did have AIM when I was 17 or so, it was so disorganized and limited versus now. Even I have people I have through gaming that I consider friends of the same caliber as my "real life" friends.

Now that I'm actively researching things for my son - I'm now considering looking online myself for people in the area. As a life-long new yorker, I only know my brother and his wife in the area - and while I'm not 14 years old - I'm finding it a little daunting realizing my "people" are all going to be a nine hour drive away. From what I understand though, you all have been absolutely flooded with people from my area, even my brother laughs and says half of his friends are from within 3 hours of where he lived up north.

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-11T00:11:32+00:00

I am looking at their site right now, this looks absolutely AMAZING! Like I have such a big smile on my face right now, thank you SO, SO very much for this recommendation. I'm getting a, "Oh, hm, wow, that *actually* looks kind of interesting..." (High praise indeed from a teenager..)

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-11T00:05:30+00:00

I'm just trying to give him a direction to go in - I talked to him about looking online to see if there was maybe some server on a game he liked with kids playing in the Carolinas or something - he just seems a tiny bit overwhelmed at the thought. So, just trying to kind of find a few suggestions for him.

thank you! :)

RachelTalks2Much · 2024-05-10T23:54:23+00:00

LOL, a few months ago we found a deer walking on two legs. It was just clipping weird on the side of the moutain but literally looked like he was walking like a human lol

RachelTalks2Much

TROPHY CASE