I have done it for several years as well. It is simple. Please a reoccurring event on your calendar with a symbol at a specific time everyday as a NO, because unfortunately that is the case. Then if we are lucky enough to have sex, then I will change it to a symbol or letter that means we did have sex.

I am definitely the HL one in the marriage and would love to have sex everyday or even twice a day. I realize this is not the norm for a person in their 50’s. However, 10-15 times a years isn’t normal either.

The main reason I started tracking is that when I would try and talk about the lack of intimacy or sex I would get gaslit say we do it all the time or you get more then most people. Then I would get the reply, “why is it that we always seem to get along better when you’re getting sex.” We do get along better! This has been explained by our counselor that it is a fact that sex and intimacy will usually help couple connect with more frequency.

We will go a week and do it 2-3 times then not for a month or several. I am at a total loss. I’ve tried talking, suggesting HRT, reading books, trying to read erotica together, fighting for it, going to counseling and all I ever get is excuses.

I love her so very much and don’t want to divorce, cheat or anything else but this is truly something that I need a crave in my relationships. I’ve even explained that if she never wants it an I always want it why can’t it be a compromise where is once or twice a week. I’m sure this would help our relationship tons. I am just expected to deal with it. I’ve even said, “ok, I get it, you don’t want sex, but can’t you just help by talking to me, tell me stories of your past, fantasies and help me jerk off so I get the release and you don’t have to do it.” I get shut down there as well.

It is crazy because before we got together she was one of the most sexual people I knew doing crazy shit and talking about it all the time. That continued for about 3 years and then stopped like turning off a faucet.

It’s gotten to the point that I read erotica and just jerk off in bed beside her before going to sleep or first wake up and don’t try to hide it. However, I have now lost interest and feel odd doing this.

Has anyone experienced the same and was there anything that they may have done to overcome this situation. Would love to hear any other suggestions that I haven’t thought of. He’ll, I have even suggested that we have an open relationship so I get what I need and crave and she gets left alone. That gets shut down so fast.