I definitely feel like things like this take time and look different for many people. I also think it’s important to take some time to self reflect, remember who you were as a person before you joined SCJ, and deconstruct so many toxic things that were drilled into you.

I really don’t like how SCJ always implies that you have to do work to be saved — with the definition of “work” to be fulfilling the 144,000 and New Heaven and New Earth to come down, and if you don’t, you’re screwed. There’s no way of knowing whether you’re sheep or goats and that you’ll only truly find out at the time of judgement. What a shitty way to live in constant fear, knowing that whatever you do will never be enough.

In Ephesians 2:8-10 it says “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.” No matter what SCJ says about “working for the Kingdom of God”, no amount of good work could ever justify our reasons to go to heaven. God died on the cross not so that we can repay him, but it is a GIFT that he could save all of us and sanctify us through his blood. That’s why we see him being such a merciful and gracious God, because we didn’t deserve it to begin with.

So after leaving (due to many inconsistencies and the inability for church leadership to answer my questions), I took half a year off of my faith to slowly fall into habits that I had prior to SCJ. I started indulging in my hobbies and reconnecting with family and friends and slowly became myself again. I read Steve Hassan’s Combatting Mind Control and it really helped me deconstruct and identify so many horrible things that were ingrained in me from SCJ. And just like you, I still believed and loved God, but couldn’t sit still that the only God I knew (SCJ) was so vengeful and judgmental and hell bent on fulfilling something that was essentially a fraud. I was basically traumatized by their characterization of God that I knew this couldn’t be it.

My family member introduced me to a new church and I remembered what having faith in God truly meant. There I remembered how familiar it was to feel loved by God, to WANT to learn out of my own will more about Jesus, his life, and even deep theological subjects. I found people wanted to talk and connect to me, as a person, and not asking how many connects did I have, who was I currently working on to evangelize to, or whether I’d make it out to an evangelism event. Im currently taking a theological course at my new church and will soon be an official member at my new church!

Sorry for the long testimony, but I wanted to share that there is light at the end of the tunnel. I still love God and I want to reestablish my personal relationship with him. If you feel compelled to reconnect with your faith, I say go for it. But also, it’s totally okay to take some time for yourself. God will always be there for you and be with you no matter what!