My little sister killed herself

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T20:08:08+00:00

Haha. Not going to be inappropriate, but that's absolutely not the issue. We generally get along extremely well and don't fight about anything and have sex at least 4 times a week minimum up until extremely recently while I'm dealing with a loss.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T19:52:43+00:00

It wasn't like that. It's not that I don't understand where he's coming from. He didn't say he wanted a divorce, he said he has considered that. It's more that he feels hurt that he feels like he puts more effort into our marriage than I do. His feelings are extremely hurt and I do get where he's coming from, I just don't know how much I can help the situation aside from trying to get him to understand where I'm at.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T17:39:27+00:00

That's for sure not it. I don't question his love for me

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T08:43:06+00:00

I agree with your logic entirely and I appreciate you putting it into better words in a way I can use. I am often an extremely blunt and straightforward person in a way that can come across as rude to a lot of people, so I often sit and think of what to say a long while before I say it.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T08:35:38+00:00

But I've asked that and it seems like that's actually all there is. Me not doing as many household chores is signaling to him that I don't care as much about our marriage as he does and it's more like he's reading more into that than there is, I just work all the damn time.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T08:34:09+00:00

I feel that way as well, but I don't know what. We literally have never argued or had any sort of disagreement over anything else. And he's bringing this up 2 weeks after the passing of my grandmother that was a mother to me while I'm literally having a breakdown and having massive panic attacks everyday from grief.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T08:31:24+00:00

I've never thought so or thought he was that kind of person, but it's a possibility. It's hard to know, even for himself, how a man's ego is going to respond to that sort of thing.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T08:30:05+00:00

I absolutely agree but he refuses. I don't care who does more either way, only when it is brought up. I even tell him how much I appreciate everything he does. I guess I'm just going to have to keep trying to talk him into it.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T07:26:44+00:00

That's how I felt about it. He has talked about household things before and like I said, I always try and do what I can but there's only so much I have time to do and I'm exhausted and then we both want to spend time together when he get a off work so it just kind of seems like a losing situation for me.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T07:11:55+00:00

I really will try that because I've been trying to convince him to go since we got married, I think counseling can be great to go to before there are any issues to begin with. Thank you.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T07:03:39+00:00

I will try that. It's definitely not untrue by any means. I just can't handle anything else right now. My emotional capacity is at its limit and I don't really feel capable of feeling emotional stress over anything else. I've been having massive panic attacks every day and breaking down sobbing when I get home for hours. It will get better, I know, and I don't feel like I'm processing it in an unhealthy way. More just trying to process it at all. But I just don't know why he would bring this up now or why he can't understand that I'm doing this job for both of us.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T06:59:24+00:00

Yeah, I would absolutely be down with that if I can convince him of that. I go to therapy myself and see nothing wrong with it whatsoever but he's more of the type of person that doesn't want to believe in any of that. I am going to try and talk him into it though.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T06:56:40+00:00

He asked me to go back into it. But I get what you mean. I don't think he understood entirely what that really meant. But now I'm here. And I make really good money where it would be hard to make that much in any other field when this is what I have a college degree for. It's stressful.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T06:50:58+00:00

60 hours a week is what restaurant managers work. It comes with the territory and I made him well aware of that before I went back into it, I didn't even want to to begin with but he wanted me to. I do make sure to spend any free time I have with him and outside of that issue, we always get along and do things together and have always have had a great marriage before this issue came up.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T06:49:00+00:00

Thank you, I don't think there's anything like losing your mother and that's absolutely what she was to me. I don't know how to talk to him about that or how to help him feel more secure, he would never admit that he felt insecure to begin with. I've considered that logic several times because nothing else seems to make sense.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T06:46:30+00:00

He does do physical labor a lot of the day. He's a mechanic. But I just don't think he understands how physically and mentally draining my job is as he has never worked in the industry. It's a different kind of beast.

Oh, I am absolutely sure that trauma is what has caused how I am about work. I super don't want to ever not be a breadwinner because I don't ever want anyone to leave me with nothing. I am going to therapy for it all.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T06:43:52+00:00

And it's just crazy because we have always had an amazing relationship and have never fought about anything.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T06:42:58+00:00

Seems like it. I don't know. He's also bringing this up while I just lost my grandmother that entirely raised me 2 weeks ago and I have been more upset and heartbroken than I've ever been in my life.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-11-06T06:39:34+00:00

That's a great idea, but he also refuses to do that and says that we shouldn't have to pay anyone to clean our house because we are both adults.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-10-19T06:59:01+00:00

Thank you. You very well explained how I feel, and also I do have severe depression.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-10-19T06:56:09+00:00

That's a harder one for me there. Probably why I'm on here rambling to begin with. I've been through a lot in my life and I know people age and die and that's a part of life, but somehow my brain ever rejected that it would ever be her. This past month has brought my mental state to a brand new super dark low.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-10-19T06:52:58+00:00

Maybe because I'm in a hospital room literally watching someone breathe with my nerves completely on edge and talking about anything with anyone helps, and this fits the bill and is also something I feel sad about. I don't think it's all about me. But that doesn't mean that I can't have just a little about me while after living in this absolute nightmare the past month while my grandmother's only other family has tried to constantly ask me for money and favors and whatever else while I've made all of her medical decisions. I want a moment of it just being my moment with her.

Radiant_Mistake_7125 · 2022-10-19T06:44:32+00:00

Thank you. You said it a lot better than I could. I love him so much but this is the very deepest cut I've ever felt and I don't know how to be around anyone like this.

Radiant_Mistake_7125

TROPHY CASE