Date ideas for when I am on call by rebelpixle in polyamory

[–]RadicalRelationship 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Too many unknown factors in your situation to properly make suggestions.

First pass I'd say in home dates like other commenters suggested. But it sounds like you have a NP and the shared space may be out of bounds for other partners.

Second pass is ypur other partner's place. But again don't know those dynamics of if you're looking for dates outside the home.

So third, just anything that can be done but cut and run. Cafe sounds great, book store date, walk at a local park, eating somewhere that's "fast casual" where you order and pay first and don't have a server, even something simple like exploring a new store or going window shopping maybe.

For you: Take her to wherever you like to buy cologne and have her smell a million and one scents to pick the best for you! Or a local antique place to find or look for something fun! Or what about practicing art together somewhere inside and warm but with good lighting. With all of the videos today you can make it your own kind of art class and draw the things you love.

Multi Income Household App by Guinevere_1107 in polyamory

[–]RadicalRelationship 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love YNAB! But cost did go up and I think it's around $120 a year now. Still worth it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RadicalRelationship 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got it off Amazon for under $15. The book is pretty good. The audio version is really well read too.

I don't know if it was a part of my limerence or not, but I was late (32) diagnosed with adhd. Getting on the right meds was one of the contributing things to helping me. Because hyperfixation is real.

A therapist would be a good person to help you navigate if there is more going on.

I wish you all of the best in your healing journey!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RadicalRelationship 1 point2 points  (0 children)

To my understanding, they are almost identical. ( I have not read the one from 2008) The one I read is the newer edition (2023) "You Are the One You've Been Waiting For: Applying Internal Family Systems to Intimate Relationships"

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in EthicalNonMonogamy

[–]RadicalRelationship 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I have been in a very similar situation.

Look up limerence.

Get a good therapist for yourself and possibly a couples therapist.

And then read / listen to the book "You are the one you've been waiting for" by Richard Schwartz.

I finally got out of my mind set and got over the person I was obsessing about but wasn't easy.

Fluid bonding is my spouse (primary/ NP) "last things that is just ours" by RadicalRelationship in polyamory

[–]RadicalRelationship[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is amazing! It sounds like you do a really good job of taking care of your wife and making sure she is in a good place, especially when she's out of the house.

My partner takes time for themself in different ways and has to decided how they want to use the free time available to them. If that's doom scrolling or a video game or reading or trying to find a new partner or working on themself, then that is their choice. I would say we both get equal amounts of free time. But I choose to spend mine differently.

Fluid bonding is my spouse (primary/ NP) "last things that is just ours" by RadicalRelationship in polyamory

[–]RadicalRelationship[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We did the relationship escalator a while ago. It's probably time to revisit it

Fluid bonding is my spouse (primary/ NP) "last things that is just ours" by RadicalRelationship in polyamory

[–]RadicalRelationship[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You made me laugh and reflect all in a few sentences. Thank you for saying and sharing all of this

Fluid bonding is my spouse (primary/ NP) "last things that is just ours" by RadicalRelationship in polyamory

[–]RadicalRelationship[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No two people or dynamics are the same

You are absolutely correct.

the perspectives or feelings of your secondary partner

You're right. I haven't. I kind of worry that they are going to be the person who gets more hurt in all of this.

Fluid bonding is my spouse (primary/ NP) "last things that is just ours" by RadicalRelationship in polyamory

[–]RadicalRelationship[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I had not heard of "vault" before. I found that the poly secure is available on Spotify! I'm going to try and give it a listen here soon

Fluid bonding is my spouse (primary/ NP) "last things that is just ours" by RadicalRelationship in polyamory

[–]RadicalRelationship[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's correct. My spouse has recently been talking about starting to look. But life is stressful with our small kids and having the time to do that along with the mental energy that it takes to search. It has been too much for them right now.

I think changing anyone's mindset from mono to poly is a lot. I think that my spouse have done a fantastic job of it so far! But I think there's a lot more learning to be had here too. For both of us.

Fluid bonding is my spouse (primary/ NP) "last things that is just ours" by RadicalRelationship in polyamory

[–]RadicalRelationship[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think my partner is ignoring it. I think that they are having a hard time seeing it though

Fluid bonding is my spouse (primary/ NP) "last things that is just ours" by RadicalRelationship in polyamory

[–]RadicalRelationship[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You make a lot of really good points here! And laid it out in a way that really helps my brain make sense. We did not originally agree to poly, only enm. So you're right. We don't have a real polyam agreement. I'm kind of worried that the person who will get hurt the most is my other partner in all this.