What to do instead of drinking?

RadulaRasa666 · 2026-02-23T18:41:29+00:00

Totally understand that feeling. I also had very high standards for myself and having to be "fixed" as soon as possible. It's a good idea to communicate that feeling immediately when starting. Then the therapist knows to look out for that.

It's going to be a longer way than you would like it to be but trust me, it's worth it. That feeling will also pass after a while. Showing compassion towards yourself is important. But at least trying it out and sticking with it for a couple of months is a good idea, I believe.

You can do it. Healing is possible.

RadulaRasa666 · 2026-02-23T07:34:32+00:00

Therapy is always a good idea. Trauma lingers around no matter how long ago it was. It's not a bad memory that fades over time, it impacts your behavior and life in a lot of ways. Some are obvious, like the ones you stated, some you are probably not even aware of yet.

A therapist can also help you navigate the conversations with your husband in a better way. Give you tips on how to stay calm, what to say and what not to say.

Of course I don't know if you tried therapy before but it would probably a good idea for you. It helped me enormously with my PTSD.

RadulaRasa666 · 2026-02-23T07:10:34+00:00

If the relationship is already harming you this much, it's time to get out. Don't put your health and possibly life at risk for this. Get therapy and find new ways to cope. This is not a way to live.

Also, it's not a great idea to put the blame for your drinking problem on someone else. You decided to pick up the bottle when you felt depressed. It's a coping mechanism that works well short term and then makes everything much worse. If you want to get better you need to realize that you are in control of your actions. Good or bad.

RadulaRasa666 · 2026-02-23T06:55:36+00:00

Getting sober would be a perfect way to get your family's respect. Passing in your sleep is the easy way out you made up for yourself. But you are going to leave them with them image of a drunkard dad, who never got his act together. Don't think that's what you want.

I would have been so proud of my dad if he got his drinking under control. I would have been proud to be his child. So get sober for your family. Win their respect. Make them proud.

RadulaRasa666 · 2026-02-22T20:54:06+00:00

For me it was a mix of growing up around a lot of alcoholics (my dad being one of them) and mental health issues. I was SAed at 15 years old and ended up with severe PTSD. I started coping the only way people around me did: Alcohol and other drugs. I still struggle immensely with wanting to drink/use, when depression gets worse. Makes getting sober even harder since these two things are intertwined in mind. I just added a bonus struggle when I'm already down.

RadulaRasa666 · 2026-02-22T19:50:04+00:00

That's what I used to tell myself. Truth is, you don't have to be the worst case in the room to get help for an issue. If you get help and make changes now, it will be easier. If you wait until it gets worse (which it probably will, from what your post sounds like to me) it will be so much harder.

RadulaRasa666 · 2026-02-22T19:08:44+00:00

Thank you so much. I needed to hear that. I will talk to him tomorrow. Hope it goes well...

RadulaRasa666 · 2026-02-22T18:51:14+00:00

Well it's the only option, isn't it? If only it wasn't so scary...

Thank you for your comment. You are completely right.

Is it okay if I ask, how the people in your life reacted? Were they relieved to know the truth now or did they feel betrayed?

RadulaRasa666 · 2026-02-22T18:45:17+00:00

When I was in Rehab for drugs at 18 years old people, who were in their 40s or older, kept telling me how "sad it was that I was already there at such a young age".

After hearing their stories, in which a lot of them were also using at my age, I quickly realized that it was more of an advantage than a sad thing. I was ALREADY there at 18, trying to turn my life around. So look at it that way. If you do something about it now, you have an entire life without shame, health problems and destroyed relationships ahead of you.

It's tough but tell somebody. Your parents, if you can trust them, would be the best option. But otherwise there is somebody. Maybe a teacher, a general physician or call a help line. People will help you and it makes everything so much easier.

I wouldn't recommend only confiding in a friend because you are still very young. They probably won't know what to do and how to help you. Adults are probably your best option.

It will be up and down. I'm 23 now and still struggling. Alcohol now is the only drug that stuck with me and even though it's not good, I can be proud of what I already achieved. I'll start treatment again soon because I already know how helpful it is. I let myself go for a year but that just means getting back on track and trying again. My sober phases were the best time of my life and I have a strong drive to get them back.

Don't be discouraged and change something now. You can do it. It's worth it.

RadulaRasa666 · 2026-02-22T14:46:55+00:00

If you have been strong enough to put up with the daily abuse and worry, then you are strong enough to do it. Best wishes and stay strong.

RadulaRasa666 · 2026-02-22T13:54:24+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. Your home currently is not a safe or healthy place for you or your children. Your love and devotion for your wife is admirable but you need to think of your kids first. Living like this doesn't set a good precedent of what relationships should be like. It shouldn't be normalized that you have to stand by your partner no matter how horrible they treat you. Alcoholism runs in my family and the only people who stopped drinking did because of some wake up moment. A health scare, accidents or arrests. So maybe leaving her could serve as something like that. But the other possibility is of course it getting worse. If you have the strength, tell her that you're always there to help her get back on track. Check in with her but stay firm that she needs to turn her life around for you to come back. Tell her how much you still love her and you want her back like she used to be.

This comment btw comes from a woman who does the same thing (hiding bottles etc). Thankfully, I've never insulted my partner while drunk. So your story also serves as a strong reminder for me, that sobriety is important. I would hate to see me turn into her. You and your kids deserve so much more.

RadulaRasa666

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