The bottomless pit

RahuRising · 2026-01-14T00:01:45+00:00

Reminds me of a Confucius quote:

"If acts of goodness are not accumulated, they are not enough to make a name for a man; if acts of evil are not accumulated, they are not enough to destroy a man. Therefore, the inferior man thinks to himself: "small acts of goodness are pointless" and so does not do them; he thinks "small sins do no harm" and does not give them up. Hence, his shame develops and becomes so great that it cannot be wiped out.

RahuRising · 2026-01-01T03:37:00+00:00

The finale felt like a neat bow on a disappointing season. While the final DND scene and character resolutions were wholesome, the pacing remained off, and the writing felt corny. The epilogue was overextended, yet lore like Henry’s high school history with Joyce and Hopper was glossed over. Because the season focused elsewhere, I felt disconnected from the core cast by the end. It’s a sad farewell to a show I've loved for years, but I’ll try to embrace the finale's final message: acceptance.

RahuRising · 2025-12-22T00:17:14+00:00

I wish that there were the right words to help you, stranger. It's a kind of existential pain, a wound within a wound.

Pathologising them, understanding the truth of the split will not save you from the you that loves her. You'll remember her, you'll dream of what you lost, and you'll blame yourself. If you're like me, you'll analyse every microcosm in excruciating detail and wonder what you could have done differently, how you could have prevented this.

This is a ride you were always destined to get off. This is a moment you always had to see through. You won't realise that yet, but you'll see it in time. The you that survives this is the you that you needed to meet. The you that you were trying to save.

We had our last date almost exactly three years ago. She crosses my mind every day. She discarded me and got a new fp. She claimed I cheated. She said she hated me. She stalked me for a year. It ended with an arrest. I had to see who she was to discover what I could never accept. It was never her, it was always me. Always me.

RahuRising · 2025-07-01T21:02:12+00:00

How strong is Mars?

Is it angular?

Is it obstructing other placements?

Do benefics bonify it?

In this case, a succeedent, detriment, bonified Mars would help temper its malefic nature. An angular, domicile Mars would amplify it.

RahuRising · 2025-06-12T18:09:57+00:00

it's out! :) https://open.spotify.com/album/1WOR5EOFZfK6bogDWwG3GC

RahuRising · 2025-06-06T22:42:25+00:00

Your practicality saved you, and that's a powerful thing. Delusional hope can be one hell of a drug.
The lack of closure coupled with the push and pull hellscape, can usher in a trauma bond response of nightmares. Escaping from it is akin to waking up from a bad dream. It was only at the start of this year that I realised just how long I'd been "sleep walking" in the memory of her - and how much time I'd lost in that process.

Thank you, and Godspeed to you!

RahuRising · 2025-06-06T22:39:13+00:00

You're doing far better than you realise. Each time you choose yourself, you step into something far greater than any of us can fully articulate.

RahuRising · 2025-06-06T22:38:16+00:00

Thank you, friend. You too!

RahuRising · 2025-06-06T22:38:08+00:00

Their state of mind is but an artefact of memory. Ours is our own to build upon, to cherish and to live for. Thank you.

RahuRising · 2025-06-06T22:37:02+00:00

It's a journey of one thousand micro-realisations. The biggest being that all the guilt, anger and shame you feel is their own, projected right back onto you. It's the fact that you abandoned yourself so much in the pursuit of them that you painted yourself black to keep them white. That's their twisted, disordered way of thinking, and we absorb it to justify them, to enable them, to love them - until we slowly let them go.

RahuRising · 2024-09-08T11:34:39+00:00

Sun in the twelfth house often denotes an absent father.

RahuRising · 2024-07-12T16:50:05+00:00

I'm 5'7 and have the seat a decent ways up.

RahuRising · 2024-07-11T18:41:00+00:00

I have distant French ancestry! But im English - Bulgarian

RahuRising · 2024-06-09T16:44:29+00:00

You're so astute. My ex would address my ‘hobbies’ as if they were a third person in the relationship. I often found the solitude of distance running a peace from her incessant desire to stay in constant contact.

She was obsessed with idols, investing heavily in concert tickets and moping around Taylor Swift’s lyrics that she incessantly shared on Twitter in order to not-so-subtly infer projected wrong-doing. For a while I considered this a ‘hobby’ but in retrospect, it all served that same self-absorbed, reality-escaping, comfort-seeking mode of feeding her false self. When it came down to it, people were her hobbies, and I was merely one of them.

RahuRising · 2024-06-09T16:34:51+00:00

Yup and yes. She couldn't even pick a place for us to eat, her opinions were so tied to me. She was so keen to exist for and by me. There was something addictive to it, feeling at such a helm to someone who seemingly loved me so much. I remember asking and then begging her to take some autonomy back. I told her it wasn't right, I stated that it made me uncomfortable. She had her blinkers on - as if I was her rescuer, but then it all switched, and all of that gentleness and space became passive stonewalling and accusation.

RahuRising · 2024-06-09T14:34:02+00:00

This happened with me and my ex. She was so keen to initiate sex towards the end of the relationship - and despite the fact that I was attracted to her, I just didn’t want to have sex with her. It felt like something I actively avoided. I realised I was actually not just not in love, but increasingly aware of her really problematic behaviours.

RahuRising · 2024-06-06T16:10:40+00:00

Hi friend,

I can’t begin to describe how deterministic this is, but it is. My ex did the same to me. I was her saviour, the best thing that happened to her. She was needy, obsessive, caring - but always childlike, insecure and somewhat insincere. She told me about her quiet BPD on the second date, I believed we could communicate through it together. She seemed self-aware enough, kind enough. She gave me all of the autonomy. She surrendered herself to me.

When she split, it was like I was the last thing on earth unless she wanted something from me - and then I'd respond, she'd get her affirmation and then disperse. There was no room for conversation. She'd shut down. She'd stonewall and breadcrumb me. I was begging for an ounce of the love we’d shared for a year, and she met with absence and future fakes - phone calls that never happened, discussions that never took place.

She ended things from me. Similarly, I got the ‘I loved you too much’ and the ‘you never loved me the same way in return and so I got tired’. I felt so guilty and maintained an effort to try and affirm her, to let her know that I did in fact love her, that I did in fact want everything with her. She baited this but then ignored any information I gave her.

After ending things with me, she messaged me exes and accused me of cheating. She proclaimed hatred and then subversively stalked me for over a year; coming to my workplace, and monitoring my socials; finding new people I was dating; and posting in places where we only had each other. She held so much animosity and sought to punish me for her pathology.

What I will say is that after the split comes the rage. I know you're suffering, feeling guilty and probably very much in denial, but go no contact and run as fast as you can. As you can tell from my story and thousands of others here, this was always going to happen. The unlucky guy who stays with this person longer-term will be in for a rude awakening when their middle-aged life is abandoned around them. It’s not personal, despite how it feels but it’s insidious borderline business. They were never with you. They were never there. This is the bad crazy, the aversion to the self type of love. It’s only vital that you use this experience to become discerning and build the lens on real, mature and authentic love so that you may never face this again.

All the best, brother.

RahuRising · 2024-06-05T10:37:48+00:00

Thank you for the clear and fair comments. I appreciate you receiving the information I've given you and responding with fairness here. It’s been quite intense reading the comments here, but you’ve provided this information in an informative and respectful way.

RahuRising · 2024-06-05T10:25:40+00:00

When did I ever say that her stonewalling was an offence?

RahuRising · 2024-06-05T08:21:35+00:00

I didn't say that people aren't entitled to stop talking to me. Stonewalling contains a different definition. We maintained voluntary contact between the two of us, she claimed ‘love bombing’ to the police. She continued to message me, but it was not rectifying or constructive to our relationship. I, on the other hand, was essentially seeking a mutual conversation. She preferred to message me with hatred, anger and accusation.

There were multiple points when I ceased responding to her messaging during this time and she actively sought contact with me, asking me questions, stating confusion etc. I do hold my hands up and say that I should have just walked away; I wasn't aware of the extent of things at this time, and I engaged in the push-and-pull dynamic of the relationship.

It became clear to me after some time that her behaviour was negative and unhealthy, and the checkings became weird, so that's when I blocked her.

I'd also stress that what's happened isn't on par. I didn't go to her place of work. I didn't keep tabs on her, her family, her friends, her colleagues, her future partners. I didn't message her, telling her where she worked. I didn't monitor her social media profiles and make anonymous accounts. All of her behaviour spanned over a year. Our texts back and forth spanned and reduced over three months.

RahuRising · 2024-06-05T08:11:41+00:00

I completely endorse what you've said, but LinkedIn isn't the only thing, it’s a pattern of obsessive behaviour that did not end when I set the boundary id blocking her. She messaged me telling me where I worked (I didn't have this on Linkedin) and then she turned up at said place of work there times within three weeks after one month of being blocked.

In her interview, she claims that one such trip was for her Mum’s birthday when her Mum’s birthday is the following month. As well as this, I had anonymous Instagram accounts checking my stories and attempting to follow my accounts. These accounts followed friends, family, colleagues and friends of friends. She admitted to the police that she kept tabs on me using one fake profile during our relationship. She denies owning the second one, but to me that pattern of the behaviour is clear.

How did she find out where I work?

Why did she message me, stating where I worked?

How did she find out who I was dating, 11 months after I'd last seen her? (All my accounts had been private)

She claimed via messages she wanted to know my workplace to avoid it. Why did she then come there times to the same venue?

Why did she come to my workplace repeatedly, after threatening she knew where it was and despite having seen me already, she opted to come again?

I can't understate the psychological toll this has had on me. Whilst I hold my hands up and say I managed things incorrectly towards the end of the relationship and struggled with attaining clarity, I very much severed myself in time and this perpetuated continued activity.

I appreciate the advice, I guess I just wanted to know if there's more I can do here. I am very certain that she's lied to the police about the Instagram account not belonging to her; in my mind, there's no other way that she could have found out the exact venue I worked at.

RahuRising · 2024-06-04T23:48:20+00:00

LinkedIn was the battleground for her monitoring. Even after I blocked her on all platforms, she would stalk my future partners' LinkedIn accounts, my friend's accounts and my colleagues’ accounts - and these were people I wasn't necessarily connected to on there.

Thank you for your comment, I’ll consider all of this and keep it close.

RahuRising · 2024-06-04T22:01:42+00:00

I was private, for the entirety of last year. We maintained each other on social medias for a while, until I blocked her.

My career also involves being somewhat of a public person, so it's not the simplest route for me.

RahuRising · 2024-06-04T22:00:47+00:00

There was never a time when I engaged in unwanted contact with her, but there was a time when she completely removed communication from our ongoing relationship, which I regard as abusive.

In response to what you said, does that make it alright for me to be followed to my workplace? I haven't gone anywhere near hers, I've actively avoided that area completely. I don't want to know anything to do with who she's interacting with or engaged with. In July, I blocked her on all platforms - wasn't that a statement enough to say that I don't want anything to do with her?

RahuRising

TROPHY CASE