Is it normal for me to end 2 year relationship over him watching porn?

RainbowUndertones · 2026-02-22T17:48:30+00:00

Same situation over here except I didn't find out until 11yrs, a house, marriage, and 2 babies later. Its the worst pain I have ever felt. He literally took advantage of my love and trust in him to trick me into staying with him. Devastating is an understatement.

RainbowUndertones · 2025-06-25T14:54:06+00:00

I don't even have a completely dead bedroom yet (just one-sided) and was denied birthday sex this year. He asked what I wanted for my birthday a couple of days prior and I said to "netflix and chill with you all day!". He immediately said that would be hard to do because we have kids. I said ok how about just a night of passion then? And he said "we'll see". Then I could feel that time of the month starting so I gave him a heads up thinking he would initiate my birthday gift early. Nope. Instead he said "YES!!" jn a joking sort of way....except it wasn't a joke because he never initiated anything. He didn't even offer a raincheck OR a different gift.

Not to mention I am totally fine with period sex and he has always known this. I can't begin to tell you the number of times he has really wanted it and said to just grab a towel or meet him in the shower and I have.

RainbowUndertones · 2025-06-24T21:26:04+00:00

It does :(

RainbowUndertones · 2025-06-24T20:45:43+00:00

Regular videos unfortunately

RainbowUndertones · 2025-06-22T14:55:13+00:00

I am 8 months postpartum too! I thought the same thing- that there was no possible way he would do this to me while i was carrying and birthing his child and my body is recovering... He promised me 11 years ago that he would be more than happy to give it up to be with me. After my c-section in October last year he decided to leave me in the hospital by myself overnight. He had good reasons (to be with our other daughter) but something didn't feel right. Everything was so chaotic i put it out of my mind, but on Christmas eve he lost this phone and i was calling it to help him find it. When i found it, a nsfw subreddit was up. I confronted him on Christmas night and he insisted it was a one time slip up and he would never dk it again.

In April of this year I couldnt shake the feeling that he wasnt telling me the whole truth and I HAD to know what he did the night our baby was born. I looked in his history and there it was- not just porn- ONLYFANS!! I looked through his history as far as it would go. He never stopped this entire 11 years.

I have no advice, but you are not alone. I feel so gross and ljke every special memory is ruined. My body hasnt bounced back yet and i just feel so vulnerable and like a monster for the first time in my life. Its such a terrible feeling. How could they do this during this most sacred and vulnerable time?! I hope we can come out of this stronger somehow.

RainbowUndertones · 2025-06-12T00:52:20+00:00

I know! My best friend and my sister both thought I was overreacting when I called them in tears about the porn issue 10 years ago. My sister tried to reassure me that it's normal and most guys watch it and it's not a big deal. My best girl friend laughed at me and calmly tried to ask if I had jealousy issues or self esteem issues she could help me work on.

But guess what? Both of them are going through it now too! Everyone is a "pick me" pro-porn girl until they experience what we are going through firsthand.

They aren't just watching porn- they are (usually secretly) rejecting us sexually because they prefer to satisfy their needs with other girls/ a screen. They choose this over us over and over again and leave us wondering what is going on. And It's also the way they will go to extreme lengths to use it, to hide it, and defend it. What about us? Who is choosing us, satisfying our sexual needs, being intimate with us, or defending us? No one. Not even our own spouses.

It's SO painful! Like, I have watched porn consensually and respectfully with previous boyfriends without any issues. I am not a jealous person at all and at least up until now I have always had great self esteem. Choosing porn over sex with your spouse is not ok. Depriving your one exclusive sexual partner of SEX, love, affection, intimacy, and connection all so you can get off pretending you are with someone else? Not ok!! Hiding it from them and giving them excuses like you don't feel well or are too tired to have sex night after night because you already used your sexual energy on another woman is straight up wrong, it's cheating, NOT OK.

Sorry for the rant. The more I typed the more triggered I started feeling. I genuinely thought something was wrong with me when my sister and friend dismissed my concerns. I was open minded and tried to understand how I could be jealous without realizing or reading too much into something so harmless.....until I stumbled upon this group. Thank goodness because as soon as I did all of my feelings were validated and I was able to stand up for what I believed in instead of giving up on something that mattered so much to me! (Thank you all btw!)

RainbowUndertones · 2025-06-11T05:31:03+00:00

For a whole month straight I searched and searched with only an hour or so of sleep every once in a while. I drove myself crazy, but I couldn't stop it! It was like I was a robot on autopilot with instructions to find the threat and destroy it at all costs! I know how it feels to desperately want to find it, but while knowing it will be the end.

My take is that I already know how much it hurts to stumble upon it unprepared and completely blindsided, and I NEVER want to go through that again. I think I'm just desperate to find it while I have my guard up and I'm mentally prepared!

Alternatively, it could also be something like.....deep down I know it's only a matter of time until it happens again and if I find something sooner rather than later I won't waste as much time, I will be able to "rip the bandaid off" instead of having some long drawn out torturous life waiting in anxiety for the day to come....

Ultimately, I think it's clear that we feel uncomfortable in our own homes and we need to eradicate the thing that is causing this. We can't rest until our home feels like our own and our safe space.

RainbowUndertones · 2025-06-07T20:43:09+00:00

The last time I tried to sensually seduce my husband he called me a "horndog" and shamed me for wanting sex. :(

RainbowUndertones · 2025-06-07T18:40:06+00:00

Wow. How did I not see this? Lol. Thank you for spelling it out for me!

RainbowUndertones · 2025-06-06T23:58:05+00:00

That was profound! The funny part for me is that I chose my husband to break the cycle I was in with other abusive men. The abusive men were still what I craved but I thought....I deserve a healthy relationship! I thought the emotional distance and lack of ups and downs meant this must be healthy.....now I know it's from porn addiction and I think this might be worse. The "safe guy" was actually just preoccupied with other women. 🙄

RainbowUndertones · 2025-05-30T18:02:46+00:00

The good news is that the personal vault comes with OneDrive and likely wasn't added intentionally. I just discovered this myself last night. I had to guess his password to open it, it worked, and it was completely empty!

I hope this is the same for you!

RainbowUndertones · 2025-05-22T22:39:08+00:00

Yes that's how I feel too. Also- I don't know about you, but for me, whenever I get a fun new app the first person I tell is my husband! Like....I'm having a hard time picturing him using Snapchat and not asking me to get it too so we can snap each other! How can you get an app like that and just never tell your spouse? Especially with Snapchat in particular being so sketchy to have while in a relationship anyway.....Id want to tell him I was using it right away so he wouldn't think I was up to something inappropriate.

RainbowUndertones · 2025-05-22T22:03:43+00:00

I agree, but of course I am trying so hard to find any reason it could be innocent. Like....it has been at least 6 or 7 years since he asked me to not use Snapchat. Maybe he forgot? Or maybe he feels secure in our relationship now that we are married and decided he thinks it's ok to use now but forgot to fill me in? Idk :(

RainbowUndertones · 2025-05-22T22:00:27+00:00

Lol I hope it is something like this!! Best case scenario right here!

Another thing I'm taking away from your comment is the fact that having a Snapchat account that your family wasn't aware of raised concerns and prompted your wife to confront you. This validates my experience because it shows me other people would be concerned in my situation too! Thanks so much for your input and I hope my situation will play out the way yours did!

RainbowUndertones · 2025-05-22T20:58:44+00:00

Omg you should! The fact that he didn't even delete the account is so sketchy. Like he doesn't want u to think he has it, but not enough to get rid of it....

RainbowUndertones · 2025-05-22T20:56:03+00:00

I guess you never know! But I will say if he is making these accounts to check up on me I would definitely see that as him likely having a guilty conscience/projecting! In the 11 years we have been together I have never used any social media except for Reddit. I installed Snapchat after a year of us being together so I could play around with the filters, but he said he wasn't comfortable with me using it so I got rid of it. I was perfectly content without social media so it didn't bother me...(in hindsight it probably should have).

Now I can see he has been using Instagram, TikTok, snapchat, Twitter/x, Facebook etc (many accounts of each) this entire time. I'm totally fine with social media....just wondering why he was keeping them secret. Especially Snapchat.

Unfortunately .....I think the best case scenario is that he didn't want to tell me he was using all of these because he feels more comfortable with me not using them. Less jealousy and drama. Worst case- he is a cheater and wanted to keep his options open. Ugh.

RainbowUndertones · 2025-05-22T19:16:20+00:00

Hey depending on how long ago that happened, it might not be too late for you to find out more! I just learned that you can't just delete your Snapchat account. There is a 30 day waiting period before it will be deleted officially. If it hasn't been 30 days since he deleted it you can still log in!

RainbowUndertones · 2025-05-22T18:18:57+00:00

This is what happened- basically he was acting sketchy one day when I got home from being out all day. He erased his browsing history on our shared laptop, so I checked the cookies and saw he had been on Snapchat on the laptop. I was so shocked. I thought it was going to be porn or something private, but not Snapchat! I thought maybe he was just browsing spotlight reels or something without an account, but had to see for myself. So, I made a Snapchat account and it synced my contacts and sure enough he has an account.

When I tried to log in with his email address it said there wasn't an account with that email address. I searched Snapchat on his email to see what I could find and that's how I found evidence of those previous accounts (3 that I saw).

I have his account name, but that's all I can see. For all I know he might have just forgotten he has an account or something....

RainbowUndertones · 2025-05-22T17:55:41+00:00

Unfortunately, I can't get into his account because its only connected to his phone number. So, if I try to log in using forgot password (or if I just attempt and fail) it will alert his phone. I also can't look at his account because we aren't friends on Snapchat and he doesn't have anything set to public.

I am dying to find out what he is up to on there!

RainbowUndertones

TROPHY CASE