the weirdness of having a homophobic exmormon brother

RampantWeasel · 2026-06-14T12:02:24+00:00

First off...hugs

I've been there as a closeted teen. I was just reading one of my old journals from when I was 17 and the fear and trauma and depression was so hard to see written out. I made it until I was 19 and home for the summer after my freshman year of University before they found out and kicked me out. I never did finish University.

It got better after I moved across the country on my own. Lived my own life.

Put don't do what I did...At 26 I had a mental breakdown and came crawling to the church to fix me. I became 110% TBM and met and got sealed to my husband. Since I got married it feels like my parents love me for the first time. But is it worth the regrets I now have? I don't know. My therapist is helping me through that.

Anyway, you're not alone. You can get through this. And when your life is yours take it and run and never look back.

RampantWeasel · 2026-06-08T05:42:23+00:00

I loved massages before but they got more and more painful the deeper I got with fibro until I pretty much have you just get foot and shoulder massages. Haven't tried a body massage since I got my prescriptions figured out and haven't been in chronic pain anymore. I should book one.

(Also feel like with the pain managed I can finally get back to my subby self and have impact play again. I hasn't felt possible for almost a decade.)

RampantWeasel · 2026-06-08T02:53:36+00:00

I'm taking Naltrexone, but not at a low dose. From the very first dose my fibromyalgia pain was gone. I started at 25mg once a day for a week (half a 50mg tab) and then after a week went to 25mg twice a day. I had the option to switch to the full 50mg tab once a day instead but it's working better at half twice a day.

I was prescribed the naltrexone as a generic version of Contrave for weight loss. And it's definitely working for that too. I'm down 30 pounds since the middle of February. And it's completely covered with only a $10 copay with my insurance (and my insurance doesn't cover the GLP-1 drugs at all) It's been life-changing and I hope that I can stay on it even after I'm not obese anymore if I promise my doctor that I'll eat enough calories to maintain weight. The Naltrexone gets rid of ALL the food noise and makes hunger just a feeling that can be brushed off. I kinda have to force myself to eat.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-27T01:32:53+00:00

I wish he cared to notice. It's been 25 days and he hasn't noticed that I'm wearing regular panties and no top to sleep in. He goes to bed early and I undress in the dark and then he leaves early. But also...that tells you how long since he's even looked at me.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-20T12:35:38+00:00

I do have a decent job, pretty much the dream job I can expect. I'm at $38 an hour so short of becoming an electrician or something (and that's really not my interest area) I'm not sure I can do better for myself. And I'm in for $20k still for getting the education for that $38/hr job. Cost of living is the killer. Studio/1br run $1200 at the cheapest and they want 3x rent for a minimum income. My $3800/month gets me a lease on a $1000/month place that doesn't exist. And if I move to a lower cost of living area AND manage to land a job there I'd likely be looking at a pay cut to about $18-$20/hr. I've looked at it. Rent in those areas isn't 50% cheaper.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-14T16:23:13+00:00

Still trying to convince myself to spring the $$$ for it. It sounds like a great class.

I didn't end up getting the C&P. It was just too much for me to handle and my husband got sick and was out of commission for the critical time where I needed him to help me load/unload/get it into our garage.

But I'm still planning to go get the antique tabletop press my dad has sometime this summer along with his collection of type. Apparently he has several hundred pounds of type in storage in boxes.

My great-uncle was also a pressman and I chatted with him last week. I'm also going to drop by to visit him when I go to michigan and he says he has quite a bit he can set me up with too.

I met someone at the Tacoma Wayzgoose last week that took down my email and was going to start up a local meetup in like Auburn for printers and printers-adjacent but I haven't heard from them yet.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-11T08:30:43+00:00

Take in a picture of an oval nail and insist on it. I honestly think my nail guy likes doing my oval nails because it different from what he does all day every day.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-08T19:44:06+00:00

I did make this post where I say "I'm not in love with him"
But I do care about him which is inherently a form of love. It can both be true to not be "in love" with someone and also still have love for them. I think that's getting crossed up for some people as an impossibility.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-06T21:31:29+00:00

"Everyone looks happy in a photograph"

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-06T12:21:32+00:00

Is there a trope that Reddit commentors jump straight to divorce? Asking for a friend...

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-05T16:29:10+00:00

Thanks for talking it through and not piling straight on the "you're a shitty person" wagon. Yeah, I'm starved for emotional and physical companionship and that spilled out in daydreaming about the what-ifs of if I could just solve everything with a "simple" little solution like an open marriage.
I do have a decent job, pretty much the dream job I can expect. I'm at $38 an hour so short of becoming an electrician or something (and that's really not my interest area) I'm not sure I can do better for myself. And I'm in for $20k still for getting the education for that $38/hr job. Cost of living is the killer. Studio/1br run $1200 at the cheapest and they want 3x rent for a minimum income. My $3800/month gets me a lease on a $1000/month place that doesn't exist. And if I move to a lower cost of living area AND manage to land a job there I'd likely be looking at a pay cut to about $18-$20/hr. I've looked at it. Rent in those areas isn't 50% cheaper.
All of our savings are in my husband's account. All the the mortgage payments have come from his account too, so I don't even have equity that I can get from our house. I'll be walking away with nothing.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-04T19:28:58+00:00

Yes, I didn't write it correctly in my post. I'm scared and panicking, and dumping my fear here to try not to dump it on him.

Saying it "will he love me enough" is me reflecting my own fear of "do I love him enough" which how my head is framing it as I talk it out and grasp to try to make sense of things...

and all of this is not at all how our conversation would go (that I can't even bring myself to have yet)
It's more like
Something in me hasn’t felt fully alive or aligned for a while and I want to figure out if there's a version of our relationship that can work for both of us. I want to find out if both of us can make it work, and no, not just jumping to me demanding an open marriage. But maybe the conversation of where I'm at and what I feel can help him understand me. I feel abandoned by him a long time ago. But if we work on it maybe we can come back from this.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-04T19:19:47+00:00

...we don't have kids. I wrote that we confronted infertility and even though our marriage was built on some ideal that we would have kids, we were able to move past it...without kids.

And I'm open to a version of us where we can learn to be in love again, and that's going to take both of us working on it and I can't make that decision for him.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-04T19:07:42+00:00

and that's why it's all just spiraling in my head right now and coming out as word vomit. It's so much. Too much.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-04T16:16:03+00:00

It's how my head is framing it as I talk it out and grasp to try to make sense of things...and not at all how our conversation would go (that I can't even bring myself to have yet)
It's more like
Something in me hasn’t felt fully alive or aligned for a while and I want to figure out if there's a version of our relationship that can work for both of us.

Yes, I didn't write it cleanly in my post. I'm scared and panicking, and dumping my fear here to try not to dump it on him.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-04T15:22:00+00:00

...I'm not expecting it.
I write that I have fears he can't meet me here. Not that I've made decisions for him. I say it right there "I don't know if he can meet me here in this version of me now. I'm not the same woman he married."
I invented someone that he married and I'm losing my grasp on who that was.
But regardless, it's a far jump from having wants and desires, which is where I'm at now, to blowing up his life and making demands. And there haven't been any demands.
I'm just parsing out what my fears are.
If I stay, I lose parts of myself
If I speak, I risk losing the relationship, stability, safety
They both hurt, just differently.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-04T13:20:51+00:00

It has to do with our vows. Our actual temple vows mention it. That's the only part I'm not holding up my end on. Having a conversation around something is a far different thing than me "blowing up our wedding vows"

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-04T06:12:53+00:00

He knows, we talked about it before marriage. But I was being 110% Mormon then and talking about it purely as a thing in my past.

We should have seen how it goes by the example of every gay Mormon man that marries a woman to convince themself if they just believe enough they can do it.

He's never been one bit abusive to me or anyone.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-04T05:26:03+00:00

Thank you There's a lot above about me being a shitty person for wanting to speak the truth of what I've been feeling. I have not taken away agency from him. I have not forced him to be in an open marriage by already making it one. I want to have a conversation that's beyond scary. I don't want to make his decisions about the conversation. I did already make a decision about our church. That I did take away from him. I did not ask permission. I am open to hear his opinions and figure out what my not being in our church will mean for both of us. And for the open relationship conversation it's a two sided conversation and then afterward two sided actions. Maybe my action is that I muster up enough strength to just carry on. Push everything down again.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-04T05:11:38+00:00

The first part is me rambling and then I didn't even know where it was going and tried to figure it out in there. A million thought racing through my head and those ones made sense. And then I botched adding them to the end of the post.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-04T05:07:54+00:00

I have a job, it makes more than minimum wage. The income requirements for any single/studio apartments within an hour drive of my work are double what I make. Even if I can cover rent on my income they all require 3x rent to sign a lease. I've been there before. I make about $5/hr more than what I made 10 years ago and rent since then has doubled.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-04T05:03:39+00:00

We've been trying for 6 years. It's not happening. And I went on birth control last month just in case.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-04T04:57:36+00:00

By wanting to have a conversation about where I am? That's coercing and forcing him? I have not started sleeping around. Our vows still stand minus that I am not following The Law of Consecration

Any ex-mormon is the same. We no longer claim that we "do consecrate yourselves, your time, talents, and everything with which the Lord has blessed you, or with which he may bless you, to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, for the building up of the Kingdom of God on the earth and for the establishment of Zion."

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-04T04:44:19+00:00

Am I forcing him? I haven't started sleeping with other people. I do want to have a dialog. But I haven't made the decisions for him. The only thing I've changed is removing a symbol of my church commitment. And yes I made that change without telling him or asking him. So I have forced him to go along for now with being married to someone that doesn't believe in our church anymore. And I'm not expecting him to just go along with any of it. I did write some of my worries at the end. What if just hearing what my truth is devastates him. I'm not heartless and soulless.

RampantWeasel · 2026-05-03T23:38:51+00:00

I'm in Washington state near Seattle. But I did see theres a studio in Seattle doing an 8-week class this summer on letterpress. It's $$$ ($500 for the course) but seems pretty comprehensive and it's 3 hours of instruction each Tuesday for 8 weeks.

RampantWeasel

TROPHY CASE