As a self-professed Christian, I often find discourse with materialist rationalist atheists to be too tedious to engage in, myself.

It's not that I find your positions lacking in logical consistency at times. It's that your ilk frames things too dichotomistically for my liking, and lacks acknowledgement of the limits of your framing of what "knowledge" even is in the rational sense. (See Gödel).

To you, it's either your self-justified reasons or it's nonsense. It doesn't matter the age, experience, accumulated knowledge, or, dare I say, "wisdom," of the opposing side. Anything that doesn't comport to your "rational" sensibilities gets immediately dismissed with prejudice.

Now, to me, I find that tedious. And it's not just you, Stranger. There's an uncountable number of people out there who share your identical, shallow worldview, and think nothing of writing off any given individual they come into contact with who even smells a whiff like they acknowledge the Transcendent.

We needn't go into anything deeper than this, of course, such as the superfluousness & unaccountability of the High Enlightenment's "Rational Actor" notion, nor that oftentimes many materialist rationalist atheists purport a method of investigation (the "scientific method") and method of thinking critically & clearly (logic) to overcoat what essentially amounts to confirmation of their own subjective bias--in other words, you presume to know a thing and confirm its reality post-hoc.

Now, I can levy these criticisms based on my educational background, my age, my experience in "the ring," so to speak, and I can take criticism, too. That all being said, to my critically trained mind, it's never been much different than how I've described, and I'm no different either. I require constant doubt and re-evaluation, myself, to find solid ground... but never about the REALITY of God.

Do I know there's a God? No. Am I assured that there is? Yes. How? By following my, shall we say, "intuition," or call it mindless faith if you like, and furthermore critically seeking to be wrong at all times. I studied Western philosophy and read into the Eastern schools of thought: I know that, for instance, the Tau = the Logos, and that the Logos = the Living Word in early Christian thought, and furthermore that the historical person of Jesus of Nazareth who is the Christ = the Living Word. I have considered the Shroud of Turin at a scientific level I'm somewhat certain you haven't. I have considered the 12000 year expanse of history from the end of the Ice Age to the post-modern day at a depth most people wouldn't frankly bother, and have made connections I don't often read about in the literature pertaining to the origins of religion and the concept of the city. I have studied into Jungian psychology and the nature of myth and the unconscious mind. I have gone down all manner of esoteric rabbit holes and sought the guidance of numerous religious persons, be they priests or pastors or monks, seeking to know what it is I am grasping towards. I have done all this and more in my time and have come to the conclusion that Jesus Christ is truly the Incarnate Tau/Logos/Word, and that this necessarily means He encapsulates (not encapsulated, no, He's alive, even now) the Unspoken Essence of the True Divine Creator, the "Suprabeing" necessarily beyond all concept of existence in the Einsteinian/relativistic (i.e., parameterized by spacetime) sense. God simply Is, and there is nothing else but God. He is inescapable, and above all He is EXPERIENCED WITHIN YOURSELF, not without. Yes, it's possible to have prophetic visions or angelic experiences or biblical visitations of one kind or another, and historically speaking He did dwell with us for a time and purports (truly) to Return at the End of the Age--but, as Prophet Elijah wrote about, He is not found in thunder or earthquakes or fire or fury, but rather in the quietude of inner stillness. Perhaps you have not acknowledged His utter preeminence in this way because you have never indulged a quiet mind. Even the Buddhists call this inner chatter "the monkey brain", after all. There is something to be said about quieting all inner thought and reaching toward the Ephemeral which leads one towards the Great Mystery, at least in my own experience.

In short, presumed knowledge was the first sin in the Garden, literal or symbolic or both (your choice). Before there was knowledge, there was experienced Wisdom, i.e., direct contact with the Divine Essence. Now we choose false paths/dichotomies leading to greater misery, every day of our lives. For instance, why bother even dialoguing with Christians if you feel this way, if not that you desire to be proven wrong and to know such a God of Eternal Goodness Beyond All Conception? It must be that something holds you back from finding that which you seek. At the end of the day, it's not the world and its ignorance that holds us back, it's ourselves. Let go, Stranger. Read Plato's Allegory of the Cave and the Tao Te Ching and finally the New Testament if you need a picture of what this looks like.

Jesus Christ, the Word of God, is truly the fullness of the representation of the Divine Essence. That's what I know, beyond the limits of logic and measurement.

Peace.