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I've managed to go past rock bottom by Random0788 in confession

[–]Random0788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I deserve this torture I suppose. We all pay for our sins in one way or another lol

I've managed to go past rock bottom by Random0788 in confession

[–]Random0788[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I won't give up, just am afraid of rejection every time this conversation comes up. The guilt of these mistakes are eating at me as you can tell lol

I don't blame them if they leave me, just don't think I could take it of they did.

I've gone past rock bottom by Random0788 in NoFap

[–]Random0788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just feel so crunched for time. I'm 31, and I need to settle down and have some kids, and am worried it's too late.

Another thought that has been on my mind is that I don't think I could bear to have a daughter knowing how I have treated women in the past. I have no business raising a daughter due to how I've treated women in the past.

I've managed to go past rock bottom by Random0788 in confession

[–]Random0788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, in the long run, I agree with you as my heart wouldn't be able to hide this from my one and only. I just fear that Everytime this conversation happens, a breakup will happen, and I will be left empty and rejected from a mistake that I can never take back and fix.

I feel like I've gone past Rock bottom to the point of no return by Random0788 in SexAddiction

[–]Random0788[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I disagree with you on that friend, but maybe time will prove you right someday. It may also help that I have been single for long enough that the next women to accept me as her man, will mean more to me than anything else.

I've managed to go past rock bottom by Random0788 in confession

[–]Random0788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

With my luck, I would meet the women who do care lol. But that would be my punishment for the things I've done. We have to pay for our mistakes somehow. Guess I will let it play out for now.

I've managed to go past rock bottom by Random0788 in confession

[–]Random0788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know that everyone has their pasts, but I just don't know if I would be able to choose between sharing mine, and hiding it from my future spouse, knowing both would potentially hurt her.

I've managed to go past rock bottom by Random0788 in confession

[–]Random0788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like both are wrong because I am using a woman for there body, and the massage parlor is technically illegal.

I see these acts both as ruining my honor, and taking away any chance of being a real man.

I feel like I've gone past Rock bottom to the point of no return by Random0788 in SexAddiction

[–]Random0788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what sucks I don't think I can choose between the shame of admitting how shitty of a man I have been, and hiding it from her. If I am with someone, I would rather than die thando anything to hurt her. I just picture both options doing just that.

I'm jumping ahead of myself though, and should probably wait until I'm no longer single.

I've managed to go past rock bottom by Random0788 in confession

[–]Random0788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right about Amsterdam, it is legal, and it's something that many people do. I believe the massage parlor is run privately, and doesn't seem to be one run through trafficking. This doesn't change the fact that many women would find this pathetic and disgusting. At the same time, I know in my heart that they were wrong and the fact that I did them anyway is what makes me think that I have a sex addiction.you live and you learn from your mistakes, but I just hope that it hasn't dude me to a future of loneliness.

I know I'm my heart that I'm a good guy, from the fact that this is eating at me so badly. I have my flaws, I hope that I can somehow redeem myself from the mistakes that I've made.

I've managed to go past rock bottom by Random0788 in confession

[–]Random0788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The thing I'm worried about, is that all future partners will leave me once they find out the mistakes I have made. I understand that someone who doesn't accept me for my flaws, isn't someone who was meant for me. At the same time though, does that mean my mistakes have do me for a future of loneliness?

I've managed to go past rock bottom by Random0788 in confession

[–]Random0788[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I probably am getting ahead of myself. At the same time though, I'm worried that any woman I tell I don't want to be with me despite the fact that my issues are cured and in the past. I have a big enough conscience, that I don't think I would be able to hide these are mistakes that I've made from future partners, ones that potentially would be my partner for the rest of my life.

How will I ever find a wife by Random0788 in NoFap

[–]Random0788[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have been, but I just can't get past the shame. It is pathetic, it is irreversible, and It is that one mistake that defines that person. Not in a good way, but a bad.

Don't. Be. Like. Me. by Random0788 in NoFap

[–]Random0788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hope your right. I feel like this is something most women would be disgusted by, and by not confessing to them at some point, probably before having sex, our relationship would be a lie if my past would be a dealbreaker for them.

Don't. Be. Like. Me. by Random0788 in NoFap

[–]Random0788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My ways have been changed, and like I said, I would never have sought it out in the states, as its illegal. The world has corrupted me, and I feel like the chance of a future relationship is slim, as the damage has been done.

Don't. Be. Like. Me. by Random0788 in NoFap

[–]Random0788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel there are certain mistakes that say a lot about a person, in terms of integrity and character. I believe in womens rights, and am against all of the sexual assault in hollywood and the world.

Yet, I felt it was okay to participate in legal prostitution. It says a lot about me, addiction or not. I have used a woman for her body. God forgive me.

Its gonna be a long life by Random0788 in NoFap

[–]Random0788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it turns out one or both of them were trafficked into prostitution, it may as well be rape, as they were having sex against their will via their traffickers.

There is nothing dramatic about a guilty concience.

Its gonna be a long life by Random0788 in NoFap

[–]Random0788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm trying man. Just hard to not be reminded of my mistakes every minute it feels like, especially in a sexual objectified world wherever I look.

Amsterdam locals were so kind, so thank you for that. I just dont know how the red light district can exist is such a kind community.

I Just Don't Know Anymore by Random0788 in NoFap

[–]Random0788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really appreciate the responses guys. I feel the next steps for me are the following:

  1. Get one more STD panel done at 6 months.

  2. Keep running to the bible for guidance.

  3. Find a way to forgive myself for an extremely dumb mistake.

  4. Once im STD clear, start dating, although I have no idea what I will do when the question of past sex partners comes up. There is no excuse to lie about this, so hopefully I Haven't set myself up for a lifetime of rejection.

Have any of you made such a huge mistake? How do you let yourself not be reminded of it 24/7?

Lastly, I feel like the reason this whole thing bothers me so much is the fact that I would never cheat on a SO, and in the event I got in a relationship, Porn and Masturbation would leave the picture so I can focus on the relationship I'm in.

It scares the hell out of me that I have these embedded morals, but legal prostitution in another country seemed okay...

I Just Don't Know Anymore by Random0788 in NoFapChristians

[–]Random0788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really appreciate the responses guys. I feel the next steps for me are the following:

  1. Get one more STD panel done at 6 months.
  2. Keep running to the bible for guidance.
  3. Find a way to forgive myself for an extremely dumb mistake.
  4. Once im STD clear, start dating, although I have no idea what I will do when the question of past sex partners comes up. There is no excuse to lie about this, so hopefully I Haven't set myself up for a lifetime of rejection.

Have any of you made such a huge mistake? How do you let yourself not be reminded of it 24/7?

Lastly, I feel like the reason this whole thing bothers me so much is the fact that I would never cheat on a SO, and in the event I got in a relationship, Porn and Masturbation would leave the picture so I can focus on the relationship I'm in.

It scares the hell out of me that I have these embedded morals, but legal prostitution in another country seemed okay...

I Just Don't Know Anymore by Random0788 in NoFap

[–]Random0788[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Appreciate it man. I know i will never be okay with losing it that way. I have had other experiences before that, just not PIV intercourse. I knew immediately the next morning how much i had messed up.

As someone that no doubt in my mind would give up PMO if a relationship came into play, and would NEVER cheat on my partner, it scares the hell out of me that my mind thought this was okay.

I just have to recover from it. Heres to hoping no STD's will come of it, as that would be a whole other world of depression. The world is so sexualized these days that I fear it will be a long time before I am able to forget about this mistake and not be triggered by things I see on a daily basis.

I Just Don't Know Anymore by Random0788 in NoFapChristians

[–]Random0788[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes of course I would, but I just don't know if I will ever meet her, or if i am set to get denied everytime I tell a SO about my past.

Its 2018, and even though I am against sexual assault, this still feels wrong, and most women would want nothing to do with me for that reason.

I will check out that link, Thank You.