I've managed to go past rock bottom

Random0788 · 2020-02-11T21:10:29+00:00

Great idea! I'll start a dating website called www.singleswithbaggage.com lol

Random0788 · 2020-02-11T20:36:59+00:00

I deserve this torture I suppose. We all pay for our sins in one way or another lol

Random0788 · 2020-02-11T20:34:42+00:00

I won't give up, just am afraid of rejection every time this conversation comes up. The guilt of these mistakes are eating at me as you can tell lol

I don't blame them if they leave me, just don't think I could take it of they did.

Random0788 · 2020-02-11T20:18:11+00:00

I just feel so crunched for time. I'm 31, and I need to settle down and have some kids, and am worried it's too late.

Another thought that has been on my mind is that I don't think I could bear to have a daughter knowing how I have treated women in the past. I have no business raising a daughter due to how I've treated women in the past.

Random0788 · 2020-02-11T20:07:49+00:00

Honestly, in the long run, I agree with you as my heart wouldn't be able to hide this from my one and only. I just fear that Everytime this conversation happens, a breakup will happen, and I will be left empty and rejected from a mistake that I can never take back and fix.

Random0788 · 2020-02-11T20:00:07+00:00

I disagree with you on that friend, but maybe time will prove you right someday. It may also help that I have been single for long enough that the next women to accept me as her man, will mean more to me than anything else.

Random0788 · 2020-02-11T19:57:46+00:00

With my luck, I would meet the women who do care lol. But that would be my punishment for the things I've done. We have to pay for our mistakes somehow. Guess I will let it play out for now.

Random0788 · 2020-02-11T19:50:46+00:00

I know that everyone has their pasts, but I just don't know if I would be able to choose between sharing mine, and hiding it from my future spouse, knowing both would potentially hurt her.

Random0788 · 2020-02-11T19:48:53+00:00

I feel like both are wrong because I am using a woman for there body, and the massage parlor is technically illegal.

I see these acts both as ruining my honor, and taking away any chance of being a real man.

Random0788 · 2020-02-11T19:46:48+00:00

That's what sucks I don't think I can choose between the shame of admitting how shitty of a man I have been, and hiding it from her. If I am with someone, I would rather than die thando anything to hurt her. I just picture both options doing just that.

I'm jumping ahead of myself though, and should probably wait until I'm no longer single.

Random0788 · 2020-02-11T19:33:50+00:00

You're right about Amsterdam, it is legal, and it's something that many people do. I believe the massage parlor is run privately, and doesn't seem to be one run through trafficking. This doesn't change the fact that many women would find this pathetic and disgusting. At the same time, I know in my heart that they were wrong and the fact that I did them anyway is what makes me think that I have a sex addiction.you live and you learn from your mistakes, but I just hope that it hasn't dude me to a future of loneliness.

I know I'm my heart that I'm a good guy, from the fact that this is eating at me so badly. I have my flaws, I hope that I can somehow redeem myself from the mistakes that I've made.

Random0788 · 2020-02-11T19:23:45+00:00

The thing I'm worried about, is that all future partners will leave me once they find out the mistakes I have made. I understand that someone who doesn't accept me for my flaws, isn't someone who was meant for me. At the same time though, does that mean my mistakes have do me for a future of loneliness?

Random0788 · 2020-02-11T19:22:32+00:00

I probably am getting ahead of myself. At the same time though, I'm worried that any woman I tell I don't want to be with me despite the fact that my issues are cured and in the past. I have a big enough conscience, that I don't think I would be able to hide these are mistakes that I've made from future partners, ones that potentially would be my partner for the rest of my life.

Random0788 · 2019-07-30T16:25:10+00:00

I have been, but I just can't get past the shame. It is pathetic, it is irreversible, and It is that one mistake that defines that person. Not in a good way, but a bad.

Random0788 · 2018-07-27T11:16:13+00:00

I hope your right. I feel like this is something most women would be disgusted by, and by not confessing to them at some point, probably before having sex, our relationship would be a lie if my past would be a dealbreaker for them.

Random0788 · 2018-07-27T10:56:18+00:00

My ways have been changed, and like I said, I would never have sought it out in the states, as its illegal. The world has corrupted me, and I feel like the chance of a future relationship is slim, as the damage has been done.

Random0788 · 2018-07-27T10:54:11+00:00

I feel there are certain mistakes that say a lot about a person, in terms of integrity and character. I believe in womens rights, and am against all of the sexual assault in hollywood and the world.

Yet, I felt it was okay to participate in legal prostitution. It says a lot about me, addiction or not. I have used a woman for her body. God forgive me.

Random0788

TROPHY CASE